What the Future as for Us

Chapter 23- MONSTER

⚠ THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT ANXIETY

Hi guys, sorry, this is not a very fun chapter but I promise it'll get better !

I hope you still enjoy it

Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it

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Lies. That's all I seem to be telling lately. I tell everyone I'm happy, I tell everyone I'm fine, that everything's great when in reality, all I want to do is crawl into my bed and disappear.

It's one of those day, when my mind drags me away, and everything feels like a struggle.

Everything started quite well this morning and then the laziness arrived and took everything away. Now I'm stuck on my bedroom floor, doing nothing.

What people don't know is that when I finally get home, I spend at least an hour lying on the floor of my bedroom, staring at the ceiling.

It feels like I'm living with a constant monster hovering over me, a giant black blob that's always present. This monster is anxiety, and it's consuming me. I feel guilty for everything – guilty for not answering texts, guilty for lying when people ask me to go out, guilty for retreating into my bed when I should be out living life.

Lately, this feeling has been growing stronger, taking up all the space in my mind. I'm tired – bone tired – and I just don't want to see anybody. But at the same time, I don't want to be alone either. It's a strange contradiction, feeling both the need for company and the desire to retreat from the world.

Actually I slept all day and at that moment I don't want to be alone. I don't know how to explain ... I don't want to be alone but also don't want to be with people. I don't want to move, to talk. I feel guilty and shitty and that sucks. I'm tired but I sleep. I don't understand. It's like a big wave of questions and no answers. It brings me anxiety and stress and I can't cry. I feel like I have no feelings except those...

Sometimes I want to get out of my head, stop asking myself questions and start living again. I feel like those questions stop me from moving forward. Force me to stay still.

Sometimes I want those questions to disappear. I almost have the impression that with them my anxiety and stress also disappear. These questions that keep me confined to bed and force me to do nothing.

I hear a gentle knock on my door, and Noah's concerned voice filters through.

"Dinner is ready," they say softly.

"Not hungry," I reply without opening my eyes, my voice barely above a whisper.

"When was the last time you ate ?" Noah's tone is laced with worry.

"I don't remember," I mumble, the truth of the matter slipping through my lips.

"Come on, Max. I'm actually worried about you. What's going on?" Noah's concern is palpable as they approach me.

"I don't know," I confess, feeling the weight of my emotions pressing down on me. "I feel... numb."

Noah remains silent for a moment, processing my words.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" they offer, their voice filled with compassion.

I nod silently, and I feel them settle down next to me on the floor, their warmth seeping into my bones as they draw soft circles on my back.

I nod and feel them lying down next to me, drawing soft circle in my back

At some point, Maddy came into the room with a tray and three bowls of soup.