What is happening..

...Oh

Only one person knows I'm writing this. And surprisingly enough it's not even my favorite person, there's stuff I refuse to share with him too. Grey knows. I told him the idea the other day and he just kinda went with it, except now I'm writing it and he wants me to send it to him.

Grey: ur gonna send it to me when ur done

Hex: I know🙄

Grey: do you tho

Hex: imma hit u

Grey: have fun

Hex: I'm putting u in chapter 2.

Grey: k

I honestly never thought writing out my days would be this much fun, or helpful. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to keep writing whether people read it or not. .......is it weird that I keep thinking about Zola and Pixi? Okay okay, I don't wanna keep bringing it up but everytime I think about it want to scream and cry but I really don't know why. Especially when they flirt and get close and I just wanna gag and throw up...

Zola: *sends a perfectly normal fit check to the group chat, it's a cute outfit* W fit???

Pixi: HDHCHWBSIFHDBSOSBDGCUQ WYDUSBJDHDVAHSB

Zola:🤭

.....I wanna gouge my eyes out. Me and Lee have bad feelings about them getting together, we just feel like Zola doesn't really like Pixi how Pixi likes Zola. Maybe she does and we're just skeptical but something doesn't sit right with us. Maybe I'm just desperate and maybe Lee's just good at relationships and reading people. He has a girlfriend and they've been together for a while and she's pretty cool....i think I'm just judgmental. Anyways screw all this lovers talk it makes me physically ill. But I met this girl online, she's really pretty and funny and she gets me, I kinda wanna tell her about the story so I can type out how cool she is and she can read it and I can tell her all about it.

I've really gotten into my hobbies recently and I think that's helping take my mind off things. I'm gonna join Pixi's band as fhe singer, not to brag but I'm a pretty good singer (cocky much..?) We were talking about it awhile back but she really wanted me to be a singer after we all did some karaoke at her last party and they made me feel more confident enough to sign up for it. I've met her band-mates before and they're all really cool and REALLY good. She's a drummer in the band and, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something while watching her play...soooo I have that going on andddd I'm making money to buy some cosplays for a con I'm going to with Lee. My life is kinda boring otherwise, and telling the gc about it doesn't do anything. If anything telling the gc about ur lonesome weekend is a ticket to a one-way street of getting ignored.

Hex: my mom is concerned that I have no plans💀

Zola: Chat am I attractive??😔

....
Are you fucking serious.

Maybe I'm just petty for that but you gotta understand where I'm coming from. I'm not a mean person or a bad friend but dealing with Zola saying even small stuff like that after she's done worse just makes me wanna scream until my vocal cords pop.

Why do vent videos only pop up when I'm perfectly fine? I mean, I wasn't exactly fine in the moment but I definitely would've been better without seeing "to eat without feeling guilty" "the sunrise/morning/night/afternoon/moon/sun/sky/ocean after I end it all" or even a video that someone reposted, hoping they think about me and appreciate me..only to realize they meant someone else. Only to realize I'm not their favorite anymore. Only to realize I was never their favorite to begin with..
Then suddenly I'm wishing a had a sledgehammer to bash my head in.
Or a knife to carve right through my stomach.
Or someone to hold me, to love me, to care for me..the way I care for others.
I wish I was my friends. I wish I was anyone else. I know they have problems of their own but even dealing with someone's else's is better than dealing with mine. Especially Zola. Her life is so normal and cool, not to mention everyone loves her. It's not she'd ever have to fear one of our friends not liking her anymore. Especially not her best friend in the whole wide world. They've built the strongest bond in less than a year there's no way anything could ruin it. It's not fair. It's not fair when I realize that nobody will ever love me the way everyone loves her. She never does any wrong. She's the sweetest person ever. She's so pretty. It's not fucking-

Zola: Guys Evan can't be my friend anymore. I'm actually in tears rn

......................oh