What is happening..

Someone wake me up please..

I think I underestimated how much Lee really loves that girl.

And now I feel like a whiny loser who just complains to complain. He called me and Milo at like 12am last night and he was outside. His voice was shaky and he'd been crying. I freaked out like I freaked the fuck out I wanted to run. I wanted to run to him, I wanted to just get in the car and speed off to him.
I didn't want him to do what I thought he was doing. Of course I couldn't, so I just panicked over the phone. "What happened? Why aren't you inside? What are you doing?" Trying to keep a calm voice during this time made me wanna scream.
I just wanted him to be okay, but I knew that wasn't possible.

I can't keep talking about this. He's been through a lot and I cant..I can't put myself in his situations. It's just not fair.

So, it's Monday again. April 22 2024.
Zola is once again asking me to set her up on a DATE with Pixi. I don't even care that Pixi doesn't want me to. I refuse to. And it's pissing me off. How do you expect a relationship with someone you "love" so much but you can't even ask them out.
To make it so much better, Pixi wants all 3 of us to have a sleepover this weekend....i don't wanna see how this is gonna play out.
Of course I'm gonna go cause they're my best friends but like...I'm lowkey scared. Anyways, Zola texts me..per usual..

Zola: Ganggggg help me get a date with herrr

Hex: BRUH. She told me not to get involved I can't help you

Zola: PLEASEEEEE JUST CONVINCE HERRRR

Hex: I CANT SHE'LL BLOCK ME OR SMTH

Zola: GRRRRRR

I literally don't even know what to do anymore. I have no idea why but seeing and hearing about how much they actually like each other just makes me wanna vomit everything inside my body.
Like today (Tuesday) Zola made her a "love potion" (water and food coloring) then Pixi drinks it and goes "It works I'm in love with you" ......it's not cringe at all but it made me wanna gag..and cry. I really wish I could explain the amount of disgust and hatred I have for their "relationship"

And why I have this amount of disgust. But that's different.

I don't have feelings for Pixi anymore
I can't have feelings for her anymore.
Anyways, we've both moved on it's all good hip hip hooray!

Milo keeps talking about how he much he misses being in love and I can only agree everytime he says it.
OH MY GOD WHY DO I KEEP TALKING ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS. Something is wrong with me.
Terribly.

Wednesday April 24 2024

Nonononono NO NO. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
So very sorry for the dramatic entrance but WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??
There's an art show from our school tonight and I guess Pixi is going. HOWEVER. Zola is also maybe planning on going and asking out Pixi. THERE. That's way too damn soon. Maybe in like 5-10 years when they've both gotten over their feelings....Zola is writing a note to her and planning on giving it to her later.

OR NOW? The period just ended and she's looking for Pixi in the hall to give it to her now.

My life is over.

Now that I'm done being dramatic...

I'll share some normal events that happened today cause I'm tired of talking about love

Words can't describe how much I hate 7th period. The people in it, especially the ones I sit next to are ATROCIOUS. We were talking about ink blot messages and their meaning blah blah all that cool stuff, one of the pictures brought up how, if you saw or thought this you had a fear of being cut or sharp objects.

......I'm sure you can see where this is going
The dude in front of me turns around and stares me dead in the eyes.

"What the fuck are you looking at? What is your problem?"

It's the only thing I could bring myself to say.

I wanted to cry. Just straight out of frustration. I've been called a lot of things and it never affects me, but a lot has happened recently and everything makes me wanna scream.
I can't explain how hard I tried not to pick up the fucking desk and hit him over the head with it.

I swear everyday is a goddamned challenge.  Hold on, pause.

Thursday April 25 2024

There's no fucking way this is real.
Bae was texting me about what she should draw then it started getting off topic and we somehow got here.

Hex: Yeah I mean I'm not fwb with Pixi anymore because now her and Zola are dating soooo

Bae: Yeah someone told me about that...

......
What. Who told her that. What did they even tell her.

Hex: Wdym?

Bae: I heard a bit too much from someone

Please tell me you're joking.
Please tell me this is some big fucking joke and I'm just falling for it all please please please

Hex: Oh

Bae: Yeah they told me you *******************

......
I started tearing up, what the hell do I do now? It wasn't supposed to get out I only told him because I trusted him and I thought he already knew. I thought he would've assumed that he wasn't supposed to tell other people. What the fuck.
Fuck if she knows that Bae knows too she's gonna kill me.
This is all my fault
No. No no no this can't be real
Please just be the worst nightmare ever. Please. Please.

Someone wake me up please.