***Trigger warning: torture, blood, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, substance abuse, rape, eating disorder, gore, abortion attempt, abortion***
A 20 year old girl who lived with her mother her whole life. Having to endure the torture she went through...
There were drips of blood that fell into the sink, the sound echoed in the bathroom. Some drips came right after the other and some a few seconds after the other.
It was embarrassing honestly. Alexandros has been nice to me lately, actually talking to me but it consisted of, 'are you okay?' And 'how are you feeling today?' He thinks I'm fragile.
Weak.
I gave myself another cut on my wrist, thinking about how stupid I was to have a panic attack out in the open like that. Why I let myself be so vulnerable. He's never going to treat me the same, he's only doing it out of pity, he doesn't really care about me.
The sound of tearing skin was heard again. It's brought me relief, the only time I can be happy. Another drip was heard, music to my ears. I used to self harm because I'd tell myself that, if I lost enough blood, I'd loose weight. I was so stupid.
Before I could give myself another cut, I started to cry. There was no way I could finish without crying. I didn't bother to clean the blood, I went towards the toilet, I used it as a chair and removed my boot, along with my clothes and went towards the shower.
It felt weird to walk on both legs after so long. I go into the shower and stood under the burning water that stung my cuts. I never liked doing this to myself, even I used to ask why people would do that to themselves but when I did it, I understood. I understand now.
They-we do that because no one will listen to us. So we do the next best thing, you just get used to the pain that you can't live without it. It becomes all you know. It's a relief, a way to let go of your emotions.
I finish my shower and I dry myself. I brushed my teeth and wrapped up my wrists with gauze. After I was done, I had went out of the bathroom. Today I was going to get a haircut, I couldn't live with such long hair, the memories of it being grabbed were too much to bear.
I got changed into warm clothes and went towards the corner of the closet. I pulled out the bag and left the room. I went to the elevator and pressed level 2 and went up to the rooms. I went towards Alexandros's room and knocked.
There was shuffling heard from behind the door and soon the door opened. Alexandros was not wearing a shirt and his hair was a mess. He looked like he had just woken up.
"Um, I'm sorry if I woke you up but I wanted to pay you back for the food and the stuff that you bought for me yesterday. I'm not sure how much they cost but there's about half a million dollars in here, so just take the whole bag." I rambled and extended the bag towards him.
"I don't want your dirty money that you probably got from whoring around, prostitute." As he finishes he slams the door in my face. I was so confused because just a few hours ago he was asking me how I was and now he's back to insulting me.
I sighed and I turned as I heard a door open and I saw Zachary with his cat following behind him. "Morning, are you ready?" He asked. "No, I forgot my boot in the room." I respond and he nods and we both walk to the elevator.
We made it to the first floor and I went towards my room. I left the bag and took my boot. I took a hundred dollar bill and shoved it in my pocket. I checked the time on the clock, 11:45am. My hour was almost up so I decided to put it on in the car.
I went to the kitchen where I assumed Zachary would be waiting, and I was right. I got some water from the fridge, as usual and followed Zachary as he had already stood up and began to make his way to the elevator.
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An awkward silence lingered in the air as we made our way back to the house. "You look good," Zachary broke the silence with a compliment. "Thank you," I acknowledged and the silence strung in again.
He drove into the garage and turned off the car. He got out and I follow and as we got into the house, we went our separate ways. I made my way into the room and slumped on the bed.
I stared at the ceiling as time passed and soon it was now dark out. A knock echoed through my room and in came Neiva. "Domenico is calling you for dinner." She says still standing by the door, I sit up and look at her, "I'm not hungry." I say and watched as she sighs.
"He said you have no choice." She said and I looked at her for a while before reluctantly getting up and following behind her. I fiddled with hem of my hoodie hoping that this goes well.
We get to the dining table and the food was already placed and they all looked as I entered as if they were waiting for me. I looked down to the floor, avoiding their gazes.
I sat at my usual spot, two chairs away from everyone else. As soon as I sat down everyone began to eat. I stared at the food, having my usual internal argument, my conscience always wins and I leave. As I was going to stand up a voice interrupted me.
"Sit." The voice said, which I realized belonged to Domenico. I immediately sat down and looked at him. He was looking at me with a stern expression sprawled across his face. "Why don't you want to eat?" He asks and everyone else stopped eating, waiting for my answer.
"I-" I tried to speak but I couldn't. All I wanted to say was stuck in my throat. How do I tell my brothers that I've been ridiculed for being fat my whole life and gained a habit of vomiting to stop myself from getting fat?
"Akari, eat." Domenico demanded figuring that I wasn't going to answer his previous question. I wiped the sweat that had formed on my hands from the anxiousness onto my sweatpants.
I grabbed the fork and dug into the pasta and ate it. What made this harder was that the food was actually good. I tightened my grip on the fork to control myself and not be embarrassed like last time.
I took another bite and the pressure was becoming too much so I let the fork go and looked up and immediately made eye contact with Domenico as if he hadn't looked away, "You haven't eaten in a week, are you not hungry?" He asks looking at me incredulously.
"I'm not hungry." I replied flatly. "Akari, please, eat." He begged. I knew that if he begged it was serious and with the shocked looks on everyone's faces shows, that it wasn't often he said 'please.' I didn't want to disappoint him, he was one of the brothers I actually liked.
I grabbed the fork and ate. I ate and ate until there was nothing to eat. This time I controlled myself though it was a struggle. Domenico looked satisfied and I took it as my cue to leave. I excused myself and went to my bedroom. I didn't bother to close the door as I rushed to the bathroom as the urge to vomit grew more intense each step I took.
I crouched down over the toilet and did my usual routine. All my dinner rushed out my throat and as I was going to shove my fingers down my throat again, a voice stopped.
