Anachronistic: Endless Masquerade

49 | It's Up to You to Believe

- 49 -

After everything Lilith had been through, why wasn't she numb to the pain? The need to survive had toughened her up; callused her heart. So why did it hurt so much? Why, when she looked down at what she had done to Gamal, did her eyes sting?

        A torrent of past mistakes and future regrets swirled around her, and she only now realized she had been drowning in them the whole time. Since boarding the Colossal, survival was all she had time to focus on; every thought consumed with keeping her mask on. But hiding from her other problems didn't make them go away. Her head had been below the surface the whole time, and then she killed Gamal. For the first time since her father died, she felt safe. She finally had a moment to breathe, so her lungs filled with water.

        As the currents batted her around, a horse voice cut through riptide. "Don't cry over him. He's not worth it."

        Her eyes turned to meet Pandora. She was leaning against the wall, chest rising and falling in labored gasps. Her arm clutched to the wound at her side, A red stain slowly spreading across the carpet beneath her.

        Lilith bit down on her lip, desperate to stop its trembling. It didn't work, but it did provide the snot running from her nostrils a path into her mouth. She dragged her face across the sleeve of her blouse, leaving a slimy trail. Tears erased the fresh dryness of her cheeks almost instantly, but some sniffling managed to keep the leak in her nose at bay.

        "I'm just tired of all the killing. I know he deserved it, but Joshua didn't. You didn't," she said, then her mind added, And those are only the ones I killed myself.

        "Do I look dead to you?" Pandora asked with a wet laugh turned into a coughing fit. "Don't answer that."

        Pandora attempted to stand under her own power. Her legs trembled like a newborn fawn before ultimately giving out. The hunter collapsed back, sliding down the wall and leaving a bloody smear in her wake.

        At the sight, Lilith leapt from atop Gamal and rushed over. Trembling, she traced her fingertips along Pandora's shoulder, then down her arm. The vibrant energy she was used to seeing was gone, and it was all her fault. Lilith stroked Pandora's skin with her thumb; an attempt to comfort her. Or maybe it was to comfort herself, because there was so much she wanted... needed to say to her, but all of it was locked away behind the tears. Her sides ached with each sob, but she couldn't stop. It was all she could manage to gasp out, "I'm sorry."

        "Lily, you have nothing to be sorry for."

        "But... It's my fault. You're like this because we slept together."

        Pandora brushed a strand of hair behind Lilith's ear. "Do you regret sleeping with me? Because I don't."

        The hand slid down Lilith's neck, then over her collar bone where she snatched it and dragged it to her chest. It was bone cold, a sign that time was running out fast. Lilith pressed it tight against her heart, wishing the heat she poured into it might somehow translate to more life.

        "How could I not? You're all I have left and I killed you."

        "If it could kill me, I wouldn't have let you do it. I wouldn't put you through that."

        "But I'm a succub—"

        "I Know. I've known for days."

        The words pressed against her chest, stealing her breath. So, Pandora had found her name somewhere in that journal. She knew that was a possibility, but had discounted it. After all, Pandora had kissed her; asked to be her girlfriend. But if she knew...