Involuntary Victim - Book 3 in Jessie's Story

Chapter 10: Mental Hiccup

My mind couldn't take it. I ripped my hands away from his grip with a wild cry. My body shook, the tremor in my hand was awful. The chain attaching my cuff to the bed shook. The words of the Minho in my nightmares, the Minho who was in my cell came back. He screamed at me. Tell me how horrible I was, telling me I'm a monster a feral animal that needs to be put down. I couldn't get the screams out of my head. 

"Stop! Stop! Get out! Get out! No no no, Stop!" I screamed. 

I tried getting free, but I was stuck, I thrashed and yanked on the chain. I could hear them all screaming, everyone I hurt, everyone I killed, I heard them screaming inside my head. I slammed my head back into the bed over and over. I was stuck, I was strapped down. 

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed, as I slammed it back into the bed again. 

"Jess, it's not real. It's not real. None of that is real." 

"I'M A MONSTER! I'M AN ANIMAL! I'M A MURDERER! A KILLING MONSTER! I'M JUST A WEAPON!" 

"No. Not real." 

As I continued to thrash and scream, as my head jerked and twitch I could hear scuffling and other frantic voices. It just made it worse. The doctors were coming to take me to the chair. They were going to strap me back down. I screamed harder. I pulled against the restraint so hard I could feel it cutting into my skin. The voices were wild and frantic. Hands were grabbing me, trying to hold me down, which just made me cry harder, I fought like hell. They weren't going to strap me back into that chair without a fight.

"...Take it off!"
"It's not safe son!"
"It's not safe right now! Look at her wrist! Just do it!" 
"Just do it Vince." 

I struggled against the hands. My restricted hand was freed. Now I was free. I flew forwards, trying to get free. Whoever was trying to pin me down let me tackle them. We tumbled off the bed. I felt a hand on the back of my head before we slammed into the tiled floor. My head was cradled safely, and I landed half on top of the person. I tried scrambling up, but they grabbed my hips and yanked me back. I twisted and tried throwing fists. They were caught and pulled tight. Arms wrapped around my back and I was forced into the person's chest. I could feel their arms straining. My head was forced down, so I couldn't head but or slam it into anything. With my face pressed into their chest, I got a full nose full of their scent. 

Laundry soap, spicy deodorant and mint and something else that made my brain hiccup. It was familiar, made me instantly feel safe. My mind struggled with itself. 

"Out loud. Use your words Jess." 

"I'm bad..I'm bad. I'm a monster. An animal...He tried to kill me. I tried to kill him. He made me suffer, just like I made them suffer. He thinks I'm a monster. But...but something..." I screamed, trying to slam my head. "MY HEAD HURTS! WHAT'S REAL?" 

"Jess...I will fight for you. I always do, until my heart is black and blue. And I will stay, I will stay with you. We'll make it to the other side like lovers do." Words washed over me. There was something soothing in them. "You wrote them. You wrote those words. And I'm not going to give up on you. I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to love you and there's nothing you can do about it." 

I still tried fighting, My body was shacking still. My entire body hurt, my stomach was twisting and my head was pounding. 

"Shh. Jess. It's going to be okay. I'm not giving up on you." His voice was quiet, gentle. It was whispered into my hair. "Deep in the meadow, under a willow. A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes. And when again they open, the sun will rise."