Bambina

38. Pacifier for the pretty crier

The drive home is quiet, the only sound the soft hum of the car's engine and the occasional tiktok videos from Chiara. And as we pull into the driveway, Raphaelle turns off the engine and turns to me, his gaze searching mine. "Go to the bathroom, babydoll, I'll join you in a few," he says softly, his voice gentle.

I nod, taking a deep breath to steady my nerves. "Okay," I reply. Gosh... I need this.

He smiles reassuringly, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "Want anything? Pancakes and nutella?" he says softly, his voice filled with love. 

Nutella. Damn, I must really need this for him to offer me Nutella on a weekday. I must be really off for him to let me skip school. 

I return his smile, "yes please. Thank you." 

As I step out of the car, I can feel Raphaelle's eyes on me. Inside, the house is quiet. I make my way to the bathroom, the soft glow of the lights casting shadows across the dark marbled floor.

I wash my hands, catching my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes, hair tousled. I look... tired.

But as I stare at myself, I can't help but remember Raphaelle's words. "You are a part of me, as I am a part of you."

It's strange, how someone can feel so intertwined with your very being. How their presence can seep into every aspect of your life, coloring it in ways you never thought possible.

And yet, despite our differences, despite the barriers that society may place between us, there is a connection. A bond that transcends race, age, and circumstance.

I shake my head, trying to push away the weight of my thoughts. Focus, I tell myself, please let your mind shut off and just be Little. I need it. I really really do. I'm exhausted. I need that rest. I need that peace. I need that happiness. 

Raphaelle comes through the door, a plate of pancakes and Nutella in his hands. 

"Hey there, babydoll," he says. "How are you feeling?"

I shrug, unable to find the words to express the tumult of emotions swirling inside me. "I don't know," I admit finally. "Confused, I guess."

Raphaelle nods understandingly, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. "It's totally understandable. It's not every day you find out you have a brother. I'm sorry that you had to see him in such a condition."

He sets the plate down on the vanity and turns on the faucet, letting water fill up the tub. 

"Why don't you choose out a bathbomb, hm?" he asks changing topic. 

I manage a weak smile, searching through the vanity, eyes widening as I spot a pink one with unicorn figures in it. 

Unicorn! Wiiii

I clap my hands, mind numbing into squishy fuzz.

I reach for the pink unicorn bath bomb, a grin spreading across my face. "Unicown!" I exclaim, my excitement bubbling over.

Raphaelle chuckles, "and there's my little baby."

With a flick of his wrist, he drops the bath bomb into the water, and immediately, the tub transforms into a swirling galaxy of pink and glitter. I can't help but giggle, feeling the tension in my muscles begin to melt away.

Raphaelle watches me with a soft smile. "Do you know how much daddy loves you?" he asks gently. 

I hold up my hands, spreading them wide, measuring it. "This much," I say, looking up at him.

He shakes his head, reaching for the plate. "Nuh-uh. You'll have to double that by at least a million, and then double it by a million after that."

I gasp, "so much?"