Pacify Her | Paige Bueckers

thirteen | diagnosis

Azzi and Paige had recently finished their dinner and were now walking through Kingston Hall, the recreational building with the main lunchroom being in the basement. There was a late night practice today, so Azzi was actually hoping to check on Ava in the meantime. The Huskies were now 3-0 in the Big East pool play.

"What the hell?" Paige looked up, feeling several drops of water land on her head and shoulder. "Is there a broken pipe or something?" The few drops immediately turned into full fledged rain—accompanied by the fire alarm sounding.

Because Kingston Hall held one of the lunchrooms, water automatically sprayed when the alarm was pulled. Personally, I think that's problematic, because if the fire department takes too long then the building will be flooded. But hey, that's just me.

"I am not walking down three whole floors," Azzi dragged. "We were just down there, they couldn't set whatever is on fire, on fire then?" A passing student, who'd been heading downstairs, stopped.

"It's just an alarm" she confided in Paige and Azzi. "They sent out an email about doing testing today."

"Well, there you go," Paige squinted at Azzi while smiling. The water was getting in her eyes. "Let's dance!" Azzi was actually starting to consider just exiting the building, because of how heavy the water was. But she could hear sirens in the far distance, so she knew they were about to stop, anyway.

"What kind of dance?" Azzi asked, imagining that she and Paige were about to make an imaginary TikTok. Their hair, skin, and clothes were drenched.

"Slow," Paige muttered near silently, reaching for Azzi's hands. Azzi was actually really awkward in the midst of romance. She loved Paige, but when Paige got super romantic, she tensed up.

"When you hold me in the street," Paige began, her currently raspy voice moving out of Azzi's grip and holding her midsection instead. "And you kiss me on the dance floor." Azzi could feel herself blushing, but the rainy atmosphere helped conceal that.

"Paige," she groaned in a friendly manner, "don't."

"I wish that it could be like that!" Paige went on, shaking her head no, indicating to Azzi that she wasn't stopping. "Why can't it be like that," Paige continued, "cause I'm yours." Azzi wrapped her hands around Paige's neck as she and her somewhat partner swayed back and forth. This moment was the first peaceful one that Azzi had all school year. She looked outside the window in the far distance as she continued to rock with Paige's body. 

Azzi was able to be trapped in time, a phrase that is much more enjoyable than it sounds. She could hear the sound of the heat passing through the vents; the littlest discussions from kids outside, floors below; the sound of metal pans in the kitchen clinging together. All these sounds, while annoying when sounded throughout a typical, busy day, were like music to Azzi's ears at this moment.

"What's it called when you acknowledge that you're enjoying a moment?" Azzi asked Paige as they swayed back and forth. Paige rested her head against Azzi's. She was a literal human dictionary.

"Savoring?" Paige asked as she pushed some hair behind Azzi's ear, "something like that."

Azzi smiled genuinely, dropping her arms from Paige's shoulders as she heard footsteps. "Yeah," she let out softly as the girls now stood side by side, no longer in each other's grasps. Though they were both closeted to a degree, both Paige and Azzi looked forward to the day that they could be together openly. They both figured—though neither ever voiced this understanding—that they'd simply know when it's time.

Azzi always lifted up her shirt when in front of a private mirror so that she could see the matching tattoo she got with Paige. It was two hearts, side by side. On Azzi's rib, the first heart was shaded in. On Paige's rib, the second heart was shaded in. Once Paige had left Azzi to go change out of her drenched clothes, leaving Azzi in her apartment by herself, she'd done the whole looking in the mirror thing once more. She smiled, thinking about Paige. In a sense, Ava had really helped Azzi. It's been a long time since Azzi and Paige had been this intertwined. Because of Ava's interruption, Azzi and Paige found themselves both fighting to redeem their bond.

While that was going on, KK was accompanying Ava to her first psychiatric session. Ava had seen Doctor Loftlon, the school therapist, for about four sessions, twice a week. By the third session, Ava was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder; it was a very emotional blow to Ava's self-esteem.

                              [ one week earlier ]

Once she'd left her diagnoses session, Ava immediately called KK, asking if she could just spend time with her. KK might've not always been the brightest bulb, but she could read emotions like a psychic. She knew something was bothering Ava, so she stopped by the dining hall and the school's floral shop to get some flowers and food for her crush.

Like KK expected, Ava opened the door with a frown on her face, later breaking down in tears as the two embraced while watching a movie and talking. It felt relieving, understanding herself, finally. But also, it was an uncomfortable feeling for Ava, knowing that she was battling something.

"Therapy will get you through it," KK assured Ava as Ava sobbed into KK's chest. It explained so much about her, like her inability to maintain healthy relationships, mood swings, fear of abandonment, identity issues and chronic feelings of emptiness.

Though KK knew she did enough going back and forth, she understood that she needed to tell Azzi and Paige. She felt that Ava deserved justification, in a sense. Yes, Ava had done wrong, but Ava got help and now understands what might have encouraged her to behave such way. It does not take away the pain of Ava's actions, but it may help with the sympathetic response from Paige and Azzi.

KK kissed a slightly-less-hysterical Ava on her forehead, just allowing her to cry.