Phanfiction

You are loved...

"Are you okay Dan?" He asks me as he sits down beside me on the sofa "Yeah I'm fine.." I reply blankly; I'm aware that I've been a bit off with him today...I'm not in the best of moods.
"Dan, you're my best friend, I can tell when you're lying." He replies looking concerned, I don't want him to worry, I think I do that enough for both of us! "Phil, I just.." I begin as I make the mistake of meeting his eyes. The fading light from outside catches his blue eyes perfectly. "Dan?" Phil questions pulling me out of my daze "umm...yeah..I..umm.." I stumble over my words as I try to regain my train of thought. I take a deep breath and start again "Phil, I just feel so alone.." I begin, pulling the sleeves of my jumper over my hands "I feel so alone and lost and helpless..." I can tell that he's senescing an existential crisis coming but it's not that type of feeling "don't get me wrong, I love being here with you.." So much more than he knows.. "But I just crave something...well..different.." He looks as me with a confused expression and I quickly move on to elaborate "Phil we've been living together for almost 6 years now and neither of us has had any sort of relationship in that time..." His adorable face still looks slightly clueless and I sigh "look Phil, all I'm trying to say is that sometimes I just want to hold someone's hand or kiss someone or...or.." I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes "or for someone to simply hold me because I'm really not okay.." I rush out of the room and into my bedroom, I don't want him to see me cry...I'm so fucking pathetic!

I collapse onto my bed and curl into a foetal position facing the wall. I try to bite back the tears, I have no right to cry! My life is so much better now! Then why do I feel so empty inside..?

I hear the door creak open and then I feel a warm presence lie down on the bed behind me. He cautiously snakes his arm around my waist and shifts so that his position matches mine - we fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. This is all I've wanted for so long now - for Phil to hold me in his arms. Even though I'm still shaking slightly I manage to relax into him feeling his warm breath on the back of my neck. We lie here for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say, however finally he breaks the silence "Dan.." He mutters quietly even though we're the only ones here "...I..I don't know what I'm doing here...I just want to let you know that you're wanted...and loved.." I slowly turn over so I'm facing him; his kind face is again creased with concern...he's too caring! I let his eyes meet mine and then I burst into tears again. I let the tears fall freely this time, letting out everything that I've been bottling up recently. He holds me close, stroking my hair and whispering comforting words into my ear. I cry into his chest as he cradles me delicately in his strong arms and after a few minutes he finally utters the words that I've been secretly wishing for for years "Dan, I love you...I just didn't know how to tell you..." "It's okay Phil." I mumble through my sobs "I love you too." I bury my face deeper into him, wanting to cherish this moment forever, wanting to remember the warmth of his comforting arms and the way he smells of vanilla and strawberries (thank god that Tesco get our orders wrong every time!) "Oh Dan, I'm so sorry that I've waited this long...I'm sorry that I've let you suffer like this.." I feel his heartbeat accelerate a tad, he must be nervous "Phil it's okay, we've got each other now and that's all that matters." I reply quietly, silent tears still falling down my face. He places a small kiss on my forehead "Thank you so much Dan, I honestly thought you were going to get angry at me then.." I entangle or fingers, trying to reassure him "I'm not angry at you Phil" I hear him sigh in relief and then pull me even closer to him.

Even though it took a long time and a breakdown on my half, we are finally where we belong. I smile to myself as I slowly drift off to sleep in his arms. Finally feeling whole. Finally feeling happy.