Phanfiction

Disappointment

I'm almost finished editing our gaming video when I hear a sudden crash come from downstairs "Dan?" I call, no answer. I rush downstairs to see if he's okay, I fling open the door to his bedroom and stop dead in my tracks: scattered around the floor are pieces of glass which lead to a completely demolished MacBook; there's a dent in the wall where it must have hit it...he must have thrown it...but why?! And sat on the floor, curled up into a ball is Dan. Sobbing his heart out.

It literally hurts me to see him like this, i don't know what's happened but it must be bad for Dan to complete wreck his laptop. He doesn't cry very often but when he does I always just want to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything's going to be okay and that I love him and usually I do actually do that, apart from that last bit of course...

"Dan?" I ask cautiously as I crouch in front of him. He's silent for a while, the only sound in the room is his uneasy breathing and his heart wrenching sobs, until he stutters out some words "I-I can't do it a-anymore Phil! It's too difficult!" What's he going on about? "Dan what's going on? Why did you smash your laptop?" I inquire as I move to sit beside him; he takes a deep breath (not that it really improves the state he's in) and spills out everything "I can't take this whole 'Phandom' thing anymore Phil, it's too fucking stressful! I know we always try and stay away from hate and just ignore it but lately it's been getting worse and I can't help but see it! There are so many conflicts and conspiracies that really upset people and I feel personally responsible. This world we've created together was supposed to be a fun and entertaining community for people to enjoy and discuss our videos but now it's become an abomination of arguments and theories about whether we're fucking each other or not! Why can't they just leave us alone?! We're just best friends and that's all we are!" Even though I want us to be more than friends I have to admit that he does have a point, I've noticed it too. "It just makes me so upset and angry because I feel personally responsible for all of this! Did you know that they've been saying that our seven second challenge app announcement was a disappointment?! The app that we spent so much time working on and that we were so excited about is apparently a fucking disappointment! Do you know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel like utter shit!" He exclaims before breaking down into tears once again.

I put my arm around his shoulders and gently pull him closer to me, he rests his head on my shoulder and his sobs are so powerful that they make my body shake as well. "Take a break from it then." I suggest "Take some time to relax and clear your mind. You need to eat properly and get some sleep for once Dan." He looks up at me, tears still falling down his pale face. "You think I haven't noticed? Dan I eat almost every meal with you, you seriously think that I haven't noticed that you just push your food around your plate? Also our rooms are right next door to each other! I can hear you pacing at 4 in the morning. I thought it was just another existential crisis and that it would pass eventually but I didn't know that you felt this bad, you should have told me, I'm a part of this too Dan, it's happening to me too." He sits up and starts to shakily talk again "I just...I didn't want to worry you! You always seem so positive and happy and I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't know that you've seen all of this too! I just thought that if I tried to ignore it then it would go away but it didn't...I want it to go away Phil! I wan-" I cut his rambling off as I press my lips to his. I know he doesn't like me in the way I like him but I just couldn't help it! He needs to try and calm down but now I realise that maybe this wasn't the best way to do that.

We pull apart and I instantly start to apologise but he interrupts me "Kiss me again." and before I can process what's happening his lips collide with mine. What's happening here?! Does he even like me like that? I pull away and question him "Wait, Dan do you even like me like this?" "Just shut up and kiss me." he dismisses desperately and I give in to my desires, letting my lips meet his once again. The kiss is passionate and our lips move perfectly in sync; he curls his hand round the back of my neck, deepening the kiss - I've wanted this for so long but I still don't know if he actually feels the same way. The kiss becomes more desperate and he starts to undo the buttons of my shirt - woah what?! "Dan what are you doing?" I exclaim after breaking the kiss. He looks shocked for a second before fresh tears begin to form in his eyes "I don't know.." he whimpers as he hangs his head "I'm just so confused, Phil." He admits as tears trickle down his cheeks. I may have been a bit harsh just then...he's so fragile right now...I shouldn't have kissed him. "Hey, hey, it's okay." I assure him as I wrap my arms around him "Thank y-you so much for b-being here Phil." He sobs into my chest and I reply "You're my best friend Dan, I'm always going to be here for you no matter what obstacles we face."