Hold On Till May

Celebrate the way the Night Hides Scars

AN- hey team ! Hope you had a great 4th of July (for the Americans) and everyone else, I hope you had a great week regardless. I just wanna let you know I've been reading 'Project Daddy' by _Calums_Bae_ and it's actually perfect. It's an Ashton Irwin fan fiction (5SOS) and I'm seriously recommending it.

Sorry for the slow updates. I'm sad as hell atm.

Lindsay's POV

The warm San Diego night air hit my exposed skin and the sand worked its way between my toes. It was dark but I could see the ocean, and I could definitely hear it as well. Since it was getting kind of late there weren't any kids running around and all the sand castles had been abandoned.

What was a beach without children? But then again, Jaime and Vic and Kellin were here.

Vic of course dove right into the warm, dark water while Jaime insisted he couldn't get his hair wet from the comfort of the sand. "Don't be a little bitch," called Mike.

I shot him a dirty look. "No swearing like that in public!"

"Sorry mom," he retorted.

"Whatever," I growled.

I snatched a purple octopus towel out of my bag and laid it against the sand. I had to use my bag to keep it from blowing away, and then I was free to sprint down the beautiful stretch of sand. "Tony!" I screeched. He turned around to face me, letting out a hint of a laugh. I looked straight into his eyes and my smile grew so wide it ached.

Then I collided with a wall. Not really a wall...more like a dripping wet Jaime. His beautiful, tan chest was pinned between me and the warm sand. His chest slowing lifted and fell as his minty breath tickled my nose. I had no other thought then his eyes bearing into mine. Nothing else needed me...nothing but this stolen moment at the beach.

It physically pained me realizing this moment had to be over. Tony...the one I loved...was striding toward us. I love Tony. Jaime was great...but I couldn't want him like that. It had to stop.

I pushed myself off of the bassist of my still favorite band. "In your dreams," I joked to Jaime. His gaze followed me to Tony who snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. Don't think I didn't notice Tone glaring directly at Jaime.

I felt a pang of guilt for everything. For Tony, for Jaime, for Vic and Mike and suddenly the images came flooding back into my mind. Tony in the bathtub, the tree and the rocks, and the kiss, and the night Tony left, and being asked on tour all flashed through my mind like a slideshow.

I shook away the evil thoughts and plastered a smile onto my face. "I love you Tone," I mumbled into his ear truthfully before pulling away from his embrace.

"I love you too, Linds," he replied emotionlessly.

I knew in that moment that this was no longer a bonding experience and song inspiration. It was going to be a competition.

Boy would they be upset when they figured out the 'prize' was really a filthy, lying, cheating whore.

I escaped into the water where none of my troubles existed. Where I hadn't hurt everyone I loved. The warm water was comforting, yet I had to surface and catch my breath. As I emerged from the dark water, I noticed two things.

1) I was alone in the water

2) Jaime and Tony where having a total stand off on the beach.

What the hell? Could you guys really not just realize how disgusting I am and hate me so I can't hurt you anymore? I had an endless amount of shame and regret for what I did to both of them. It pained me to watch them fight over someone so worthless...me.

My bare feet traveled over shells, rocks and more sand as I made my way to the beach. I wiped a drop of water from my eye and my vision readjusted.

Then Tony took a swing at Jaime who easily jerked to the side, but was angered nonetheless. I found myself sprinting towards the commotion as fast as I could. Vic fought his way through the growing crowd as I escaped from the water. I watched in horror as Jaime threw a punch at Tony which collided with his jaw, knocking him a step backwards.

Tony forced himself back onto his feet and lined up to take another shot at Jaime as I threw myself forward, taking the hit. His hands flew up to cover his mouth as he realized what had happened. He had hit me. Although it was intended for Jaime and completely and utterly my fault.

"I'm so sorry," Tony assured me Jaime simultaneously helped me regain my balance and shot Tone the death glare.

"Wait to go," he growled.

"It was meant for you," spit back Tony.

"Would you shut the fuck up? The whole point of me throwing myself into your fist was to make you stop fighting," I pleaded, rubbing my eye.

"I'm so sorry," repeated Tony.

"How could you hit her?!" hissed Jaime. "No wonder she'd rather have me."

I was shocked my the outburst. Tony took a step forward to continue the fight but I quickly interjected. "I actually hit myself with his fist."

Jaime took one look at me, his eyes wide with pain, before turning to storm back to the car. "Party's over."

"I'm so sorry," I shouted over the crowd that returned to it's vicious frisbee and beachball games.

Mike wrapped his long arm around my shoulder, restraining me, as Tony took off in the other direction. "I'll fucking walk!" he exclaimed.

"Maybe I should just get a hotel..." I trailed off.

"No way," Mike insisted. "It's not your fault they're acting like children. I get it, you cheated. It happened. You're sorry. But Jaime needs to back off and Tony needs to stop with the power games."

"Don't worry about them," Vic said as if his two best friends hadn't just gotten into a fist fight 2 minutes ago.

"Maybe I should just leave," I suggested. It was reasonable to me. I was ruining everything.

"They both love you." Vic's words felt like a slap in the face to me. "Do you really think leaving will help?"

AN- so sorry for the crappy, short chapter. But I just got back from Warped. It's still so unreal I got to see PTV, BVB, Attila, Miss May I, and so many other fantastic bands. I also met my hero, Johnnie Guilbert, along with Bryanstars, Alex Dorame, Jordan Sweeto, and Damon Fizzy.

It feels so unreal. I love you all so much and thank you for sticking with the story through my horrible writers block. I'm working on something really special for you guys though. Any 5SOS fans? *suggestive grin*

I'd just like to suggest a song real quick. It's my favorite atm. Care by Joel Faviere. Look it up dudes. Trust me.