Not So Bad

Chapter 1 - The Man behind the glass

*Present Day*

"Lucas Lloyd" I whisper his name and the second the dreaded words leave my lips I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, like a breath of fresh air that I have needed for so long, the same breath of fresh air like after you spend an hour in a stuffy classroom or when you emerge from the end of a water slide to be plunged into the water, to then pop up again grinning widely with relief that you did it.

"Mr Lloyd has never had any visitors before" the security woman says, searching through a large stack of notes and files with wide eyes, she glances up at me like I'm crazy and all I can think is she knows. "But hey "she leans forward to whisper it to me "I don't blame his family for not coming, you should see the things he has done. I take it you're here to interview him again? No offense but these mental training things don't work on anyone really, someone came here to see him once, but you aren't technically a visitor"

I shake my head, my longer hair slipping over my eyes, I grip the ledge and I look up at her hazel eyes, my hands beginning to tremble so slightly.

I'm not afraid of many things. But I am scared of him.

"I need to know for sure who you are sir, so you are capable to see him and all. Security reasons you know..." she says, leaning away from what I'm sure is an intense and rather expression on my face, I clear my throat and straighten my body.

"I am...I'm his son" I stutter out, casting my eyes away from her judgemental ones. "I'm Matthew Lloyd. But please don't tell him it's me" I glance back up at her face, almost completely white with shock, her mouth agape, eyes wide, body frozen behind the small desk.

"Matthew? You're Matthew?!"

I nod; a horrible chill running down my spine as I look down guilty that I share the same surname with such a man. No one calls me Matthew really; simply because he always called me that, not Matt, never Matt, always Matthew.

"Yes Mam"

"Just...he used to say your name a lot in his sleep, along with..." she lifts up some paper on a wooden clipboard and scans it with worried eyes "Jasmine, Sebastian and...Beth?"

"My sister, brother and Mother" I smile slightly at the thought of them, all currently sat in one of Gavin's coffee shops I bet, maybe with Hazel. They all think I'm at Uni right now anyway. But I'm struck again with fear. If they knew I was here...

"Are you sure about this Matt? I know how hard this must be"

"I'm absolutely positive"

I think.

***

The large and heft security guard with a bald head and a fiery ginger beard surveys me carefully, his hand on the handle of a silver metal door.

"Are you sure about this kid?"

This is for you Jasmine, Seb and Mum.

"I'm not a kid. I'm 21" I argue grumpily, glaring up at him, I'm beginning to grow impatient now, I just want to get this over with. Please please please? "And yes I'm ready"

He nods firmly, pushing the handle down and leaving the door ajar for me to push more when I am ready. I glance up at him, waiting for any last words that he may have for me. He straightens up and folds his arms behind his back and puts on a grave expression.

"Whenever you're ready" he whispers, smiling encouragingly and patting me on the shoulder, with such force that I jolt forward a little bit, my trainers skid on the floor as I thank him in my head, I take a final step and I a push into the room. Closing the door quickly behind me so that there is no going back.

I pace my way towards the chair in the tiny room, gripping it hard as I slide onto the hard wooden bottom, I know he is watching me, I can feel his eyes on me, burning into my skin and it makes my skin crawl. I finally glance up at him, he meets my eyes with a surprised expression, I remember those eyes so fucking clearly, and they look so lifelike when I have my off nightmare.

I pick up the phone and he does the same, I raise it rather shakily to my ear and press it forcefully to my ear, I don't look away from him, knowing that it is a sign of weakness. I need to stand up to him again.

"Matthew? Matthew is that really you?" he asks, his voice sounds broken and rough, I bet he's seen such horrors in here. But I saw them at home so he kind of deserves every second of it.

"It is" I nod my head, dark hair falling over my eyes as I lean forward towards the glass, my other hand resting on the counter. My knuckles tensing and un-tensing as I bend my fingers.

"Oh my god. How old are you know Son?"

Son. What gives him the fucking right to call me that anymore?

"You don't have the right to call me that, and I'm 21. It's been a while"

"21?! Jesus Christ where did the good old days go huh?" then there's that smile on his face and I am confirmed of my earlier thoughts. This man has not changed.

"Good old days?!"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No. Good old days?! You sick pathetic little shell of a man!"

"Don't talk to your Father like that, your Mother deserved every single thing that I did, she was a cheating liar"

"She didn't cheat on you, you scumbag!"

My hands are gripping the wall now, I feel like tearing him apart, punching him until he's passed out on the floor, or when he is begging for mercy.

"Don't speak to your father like that!"

I jump from the chair, almost pressing my face against the glass as I nearly scream down the phone.

"This was a mistake! I don't have a Father anymore, I am not your Son, you have no right to call us your family, you are a Monster and I hope your rot in hell you self-centred twat head"

I storm out of the room, slamming the metal door, I sprint down the hall way and out through the double doors at the end of the building. I grab my phone from my pocket and scroll down to the only person I can trust in this situation.

"Hello?" her voice blooms through the phone and I breathe a sigh of relief, I rest against the bricked wall, breathing so deeply it almost hurts me.

"Hazel I need to meet you, urgently. I saw him"

---

I'm back, slightly earlier but I couldn't wait to get writing.
So tough huh? Oh just you wait. This is only what happened after. Matt is 21 here, it is set at the same time as the Epilogue of ROS. You will soon be taken back to when he was about 14.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it.

-Lx