Not So Bad

Chapter 4 - From Bad to So Much Worse

WARNING- the following content mentions blood and other content that may be harmful or offensive to others. Abuse is never okay and that is partially what this book is all about, but how Matt and his family learned to move on. I strongly suggest you don't read on if you find this offensive, it is not as graphic as it could be bearing in mind.
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I told myself that nothing like that would ever happen again, no...Dad wasn't like that, he wouldn't hurt Mum again, no not ever!

Right?

Wrong.

But things couldn't get worse right?

Wrong again Matt or should I say Matthew. I shouldn't have trusted him. Never ever.

Mum had told me that there was no way of it happening again, but everyday I got home to the same screaming match, with more violence,  Mum's voice growing quieter and Dad's growing louder each time.

On this particular occasion, Mum had locked herself in the bathroom with Dad trying to kick the door down to get to her. You could find me in my wardrobe, my own bedroom door locked with Seb sat next to me who was cradling Jaz in his arms.

"LET ME IN THIS SECOND BETH OR I WON'T GO EASY"

What had Mum done this time? Oh nothing. He was still mad over the same thing I think, yet if you asked him he wouldn't remember I guarantee but he would argue that he has a reason for treating her like this.

No one should be treated like this.

Ever.

This had been going on for months, nearly a year and I was 15 now. I had tried so many times to defend Mum, I fought back at him, but then I got myself hurt and that only hurt Mum more.

Mum was getting really really unwell. She had to quit her job because 1. She would be questioned because of how she looked (covered in scars, cuts, bruises and had lost a lot of weight) and 2. Because she was so weak.

I had officially decided that dad was mental, he left every day for work, and I soon followed for school, now dropping Jaz at her childminders, Seb at school and then picking them both up.

Dad wasn't Dad anymore.

The bathroom door was later broken from its hinges and I held my brother and sister tight as we sat through it. The broken rib I had recently got hurt, but I was not letting them go.

I wasn't the same anymore either. I avoided everyone, I rarely spoke to Seb or Jaz, just kept them with me at all times, both of them slept in my bed at night, Dad was too busy to notice that I had made a make-shift Moses basket out of a cushion, an old sheet and a cardboard box and kept it next to my head, Seb slept not too far under it, his arms always wrapped around my waist as he slept.

I never really slept, just stared at the ceiling wondering:

Why us?

The councillor told me not too long after that I was severely damaged by what I saw because I understood it, Seb less so as he didn't understand and Jaz was almost completely unaffected. I had the most councillor sessions.

Other than Mum I guess.

About two hours after being in the wardrobe, I heard the front door close which meant dad was off to buy more beer, more larger and more whisky.

I told Seb to stay put when I realised the coast was clear, I out Jaz in the basket and Seb clung to the door frame.

I looked at my bruised cheek from earlier in the mirror, I touched it and winced, I left the room and went to the bathroom where the tap was running.

I nearly fainted at what I saw.

Mum lay on the floor, completely knocked out, surrounded by a pool of blood, her limps pale and wet from where Dad had tried to clear some of it up. I shakily turned off the tap and knelt in front of Mum, turning her to the recovery position like I had done twice before.

"Mum" I said shakily, my hands searching for a pulse on her small wrists, I breathed a sigh of relief when I found one, I wrapped her bruised wrists in bandages and her eyes opened.

"Matt" she said and I blinked, getting closer so she could hold my face in her hands. "Matt is that you?"

"Yes Mum" I smiled, trying not to cry "I'm here, I'll always be right here"

A tear trailed down her black and blue face but I could still see the beauty behind it, her lips trembled as I helped her to sit up.

"Where did he hurt you Mum?"

"Everywhere" she said, staring blankly at the tiled wall, I wrapped up the other cuts as best as I could, pressing a kiss to her matted head and then I began to work on the floor, getting the red out of the tiles and placing the shower mat in the basket with Mum's ruined and sodden clothes.

She left to go and get dressed and go and make dinner, like she did every night with my support, Dad would compliment her on it and almost almost act like nothing had changed.

But we all knew.

And I couldn't go on like this any longer.