The Dispicable Life

July 4th, 2015- Ximena A.

Early in the morning,

I realized I had lost my best friend. The one person I would give up cake for.
Her name was Ximena A.
She was funny, and sweet, and unpredictable. She changed alot throughout time, but It never meant I stopped loving her.
Comes to think of it... I actually had feelings for her... Not friendship feelings... But something more. I always thought I was crazy for thinking things like that, but maybe I was never crazy, and she felt the same way? Maybe, I'm not sure.
Now I'll never know, becuase she's going to another school... And so am I. She's probably never going to answer my calls, ethier. She might hate me that much.

But I know that she doesn't hate me.
Hate is not what is in her eyes, it's disapointment, it's also lonliness. Most of all, It's fear.
Fear is what is in her eyes. The only time fear doesn't even touch her eyes is when I'm making her laugh.

I don't know if it was fake. I really hope it wasn't. But I miss the eyes that used to look at me and not doubt that I would hurt her mentally.

Back then, she would always run to me for help, and I was always there to listen.
But then came a friend. A friend of hers that I never liked, because I knew that someday...they would take her away from me. They would use their ways to mess with her head, and she'd give in.

They were always there. Waiting for me to give up. But the thing that they don't understand is that I never gave up on Ximena.

I only got weaker. My grip on her being mine forever was weakening.
But through all the pain, and the sorrow, and the holding on, I managed to never let her go.
But people always thought I did becuase over time, I lost strength.

But people! You need to understand that she's mine! I never let her go! It only seemed like it becuase as I was trying to get stronger, all of you were pushing me down; all the way down so I was flat on the ground, and through all the falling, someone told me it was too late. It was too late to hold her again. Becuase she found Martin, and she found Adriana, and Angel. And what am I? What am I, Ximena?! Tell me right now, what am I to you!

Comment on this if you're still listening. Tell me what I mean to you. If I ever did mean anything to you! Becuase even though I didn't mean anything to you, you meant something to me. You were my second me.

You understood me in ways I can't forget.

So tell me... Above Adriana, and all your other so called 'friends', where do I stand on the friend list. Am I still #1? Or Am I all the way at the bottom, stuck there, becuase you never answer me?

Letting you know right now, I never asked to have friend(s). I only ever needed one friend. One friend that could supply me with all the jokes and teasing I needed. One that would do anything to make me laugh when I was sad about a broken heart. You were always there for me.

Thank you for putting up with all my BS throughout the years.
Thank you for the advice,
Thank you for the hugs,
Thank you for the notes,
Thank you for the poems,
Thank you for the talks,
Thank you for the jokes,
Thank you for being you. And only you.

I hope you read this. And I hope it mattered something to you.

I love you, best friend. My #1 best friend. My first BEST friend. My only best friend. My ximena.

I hope you love me like I still do.