The Ru Effect

chapter twenty eight

River's pov
The cold air hits me like a slap in the face as I step outside, leaving the pounding music and suffocating heat of the party behind.

I take a deep breath, but it doesn't help. The frustration inside me is like a knot I can't untangle. I don't know if I'm more angry at Ru or myself.

What the hell was I thinking? Why did I react like that? I've got no right to feel this way. She can kiss whoever she wants. She deserves that freedom. But still... she kissed him.

The thought sends a fresh wave of anger through me, and my hands curl into fists at my sides.

I try to shove it down, to reason with myself, but the jealousy gnaws at me like an ache that won't go away.

She kissed him, and probably liked it. Ethan didn't hesitate, didn't even think twice. Why would he? Ru is beautiful, confident, everything anyone would want.

But why am I letting this tear me apart? There's nothing between us, nothing real anyway.

We've never talked about it. We've never said what this-what we-might be. Hell, maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe I'm the only one thinking there could be more.

She probably doesn't feel the same way. She kissed him. That's all the proof I need, right?

"Fuck," I mutter, kicking at a stone on the pavement. It skids off into the darkness, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

I rub the back of my neck, trying to shake off the anger, but it clings to me like a second skin.

I shouldn't care this much. I shouldn't. She deserves someone who doesn't freak out every time she does something like this.

I shouldn't stop her from doing what she wants, from living her life. She's not mine. I don't have a right to her.

And yet, I can't get the image of her and Ethan out of my head. The way she leaned in, how his hand slid around her waist like it belonged there.

I grind my teeth, fighting back the urge to punch something. I hate this feeling. I hate how much I care. How much I want her to care.

Suddenly, I hear my name being called, piercing through my thoughts.

"River!"

I roll my eyes, recognizing the voice before I even turn around. Rachel. I hear her footsteps running toward me, and I sigh, knowing what's coming.

"River!" she calls again, this time with that high-pitched edge in her voice that tells me she's worked up about something. I don't even have to look at her to know what it's about.

"What?" I snap, my voice coming out sharper than I intended.

Rachel skids to a stop beside me, her expression full of judgment. "I told you!" she says, her tone dripping with satisfaction. "I told you she was going to hurt you. And what did she do? She kissed him."

I grit my teeth. I really don't want to have this conversation right now. "Rachel, drop it," I say through clenched teeth.

But she doesn't drop it. Of course she doesn't.

"I was right! You didn't listen to me, and now look. She's playing with you, River. She's just like the rest of them."

"Rachel-" I try again, but she's on a roll now, pacing in front of me like she's building up to something bigger.

"Kobiruo knew," she says, her eyes narrowing. "She knew you're into her, but she still went ahead and kissed Ethan. And now you're out here, acting like it's nothing when I know it's eating you alive."

I close my eyes for a second, trying to keep my temper in check. I can't stand this.

Rachel always acts like she knows what's best for me, like she has this right to interfere in every part of my life.

"Rachel, I don't have a claim on her," I finally say, my voice cold. "She's free to do what she wants. There's nothing between us. So just... let it go."

Rachel crosses her arms, scoffing. "Yeah, right. Nothing between you? You can lie to yourself all you want, River, but we both know you're into her. And she knows it too. And yet she still kissed another guy. What does that say about her, huh?"

I feel the anger rising up again, bubbling just under the surface. "You know what, Rachel? You really need to stop," I say, my voice low and dangerous. "Stop investing so much into my life. It's suffocating. I'm not your project, and I don't need you to 'protect' me."

Rachel's eyes widen, her mouth dropping open like she can't believe what she's hearing.

"River I—"

"Seriously," I continue cutting her off, my frustration boiling over. "Go do something better with your time. Live your own life. Stop trying to control mine."

Without waiting for her to respond, I turn on my heel and walk away, leaving her standing there, speechless. For once, she doesn't follow me.

I can feel her eyes boring into my back, but I don't care. I can't take this shit anymore.

I shove my hands into my pockets and keep walking, the cold air doing little to cool the fire burning inside me. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere is better than here.

Each step feels harder than the last, like I'm pushing through thick, invisible tension. A part of me wonders if I went too far, but I shake that thought off quickly. No, she needed to hear that. I needed to say it.

Still, the knot in my chest tightens as I put more distance between us.

I shove my hands deeper into my pockets, my fingers curling into fists. The cold wind bites at my face, but I welcome it, hoping it'll cool down the anger still burning inside me.

Why do I always feel like this? Torn between what I want to say and what I end up saying.

Rachel has been there for me, sure, but sometimes it's like she wants to own a piece of me, like I owe her something. And I can't breathe under the weight of that anymore.

I glance back once, just to see if she's still standing there. She is, frozen in place, her arms crossed tight over her chest like she’s trying to hold herself together.

I can’t read her expression from this distance, but I know she’s angry. Annoyed. Hurt, maybe. But I’m too drained to care. I can’t care. Not right now.

I turn away again and pick up my pace. Each step feels lighter now, like some of the weight is finally lifting off my shoulders. But it doesn’t disappear completely.

I hate this. All of it. The party, the jealousy... the fact that I can’t stop thinking about Ru.