You Love who You Love (Rikoss) (m-preg)

1- Spikes Up

(Trigger Warning!)

Riker

I was currently in my private bathroom doing my private, weekly things. I set a little black box in the sink, opened the lid and saw all 6 of my special friends. I had ordered them from sharpest to bluntest. I picked up the 2nd one from the  right, seeing as that one would hurt more than most of them as it was one of the bluntest. I put the tip of the blade on my wrist and dragged it along my skin. The red blood oozed out slowly. The blood was dark and thin. Unhealthy looking. My mind went blank as I instantly started to silently cry. My tears fell down my face the way the blood dripped down my arm. Only one thought ran through my mind as I made hundreds of little, tiny cuts. Love.

The way the cold knife felt against my skin. I loved it.

The way the dark, red blood rolled down my arm ever so slowly while I watched. I loved it.

The feeling it all gave me, not of pain, but relief. I loved it.

How could something so bad feel so good? Does a thought like that make me a sicko or a normal, depressed person?
"Riker, dinner's ready!" My thoughts were interrupted by my older sister, Rydel. "Come and get it before it gets cold!"

Sharp stuff,
don't touch it while we're burning up,

"Not hungry!" I lied. The truth was, I was starving myself. Well that, and if I go down stairs with fresh cuts hiding beneath a long sleeved t-shirt, everyone will get suspicious as of why I would be acting weirdly.
"Get your butt down here or I will come up there to get you!" She yelled.

I sighed. I had to clean this up quickly before she did come up. I shut the box and put it on the ground before I turned on the tap and cleaned up my wrists.  My mom insisted that every one in my family had plenty of medical supplies in their bedrooms and were medically trained, it's understandable considering she's a nurse.

This rocks, so rough, can't be crushed cuz I stay focused,

Once I had treated my cuts I ran down the stairs to the dinning room and say at the table. "What took you so long?" My dad asked, raising his voice a little. It was no secret that I was scared of him and that always made my mom worry a little.

"I-I wa-" he cut me off.

"I don't want to hear it! Now eat!" He demanded. I looked down at my plate and picked up my fork. Besides Rydel, I had 3 siblings. Ryland, he's 15, brown hair, hazel eyes, a total jerk, completely homophobic and his friends bully me.
Rocky, he's 16, brown hair, hazel eyes, talks to Ryland way more than me and totally ignores me.
Then there's my eldest sibling, Ross. He has the most beautiful, silky, soft, blond hair. His eyes are just dazzling and hazel, anyone could stare into for a full life time. He has always been so determined to get the best education he could. He may have been a bit of a nerd but he still attracted girls... Many, many girls. I'm not saying he was interested in them, because he never was. The only other thing he cared about more than school, was family. He is literally the definition of perfect!

Tongue tied when you look in my eyes,
don't blink if you think that I mite bite, bite,

And something about me that I will never tell a single soul is that...
I'm gay for my own brother, Ross Shor Lynch.