Seasons of Love by Jaismita Alexander

Seasons of Love Part 23

Part Twenty-Three:

A few more hours together. I knew, I have to let Rudra know what I am feeling for the past few days. Param made breakfast for us. We ate while having a normal conversation. Param looked annoyed with the weather whereas Rudra and I faked annoyance. We were not at all bothered with it. I called home and told mom that I'll be back by 5 pm and then called up Tania. Rudra called VK. The weather was too bad that day. Everyone back at home was worried so we did our duty. 

While having coffee Rudra looked at me from the corner of his eyes. I noticed him doing that a number of times. As if he wanted to tell me something. Even I wanted to, but Param was there with us. We couldn't ask him to leave us alone obviously. Soon it was afternoon and we started preparing for lunch. I helped out Param with the arrangements. It was all so exciting with Rudra around.
We had lunch together and chatted long. It rained outside, still. The rain did not want us to part. And thus, I started loving the rain so much after that. 

I sat quietly admiring the rain outside the window. They showered monotonously yet with a beautiful rhythm. Some raindrops danced in the wind and entered through the window. Rudra suddenly came and closed the window.

"Hey. Why did you shut it?", I exclaimed.
"Don't get wet. You'll fall sick", he said. 

I made faces and turned around.

"What happened? Missing home?", Rudra asked and poked me on the arm.

"Ouch! No!!", I snapped.

I was irritated because my questions stormed my mind since last night and I couldn't seek proper answers from him.
"What happened? You look upset." Rudra asked noticing my despair.
"Nothing.", I replied.
He took out his phone and started playing songs one after the other. Sometimes he spoke about old movies but I kept quiet.

It was 5 o'clock and we were supposed to leave. The rain had stopped. We were having tea when Rudra's phone rang. It was Ananya. Rudra recieved the call delightedly. I noticed his face and my heart shrinked with pain. Yet I managed to maintain a smile on my face. The bitter truth was in front of my eyes. Ananya, his love. The girl he gave up everything for. Who was I? Why was I giving myself such importance? Why was I not being able to drift away from him? My inner self laughed at my foolishness. Rudra was trying to solve some problems she had. He hung up and started looking for some numbers. I didn't say anything. I finished my tea and was ready to leave.
Param was to drop us home in his car. There was another man with us who worked in the restaurant. He sat beside Param and we both took the back seat. Rudra was busy on his phone.
My inner voice told me that I should step back from whatever feelings I developed for him.
He called Ananya and spoke to her for half of the journey. Finally, later he hung up and started telling me what problem she had. I barely heard it. I was thinking of something else. We reached my home soon. I got down and looked at him from the window.
"Just a moment.", he excused himself from Param and got down from the car. He came to me and said, "Take care. We had a lovely time together."
"Yes. 24 hours.", I said this and looked at the time on my phone.
He looked at me with surprise. Yes, I did count the hours. I turned back and started walking in. He said, "Will text you."
I smiled and said nothing. He got into the car and they left.
As soon as I reached home, people started questioning me about the weather. I didn't feel like talking. I went into my room and lied down in dark. My phone beeped.
"24 hours have been crazy."
He had messaged. I was feeling empty from inside. I wished that the 24 hours were just not hours. I wished to be with him longer.
"The rest of the world is unknown about this. Only the people who were with us know. How crazy everything is." I replied.
"We'll be like this forever." He said.
"Go home and message at night." I replied. I wanted to control myself. I wanted to be firm so I discontinued the chat.
I cried after that in the washroom. I was in love. I realised. Yes I loved Rudra madly. I wept bitterly. I was stoic against love but when someone made me believe in it once again, was someone elses.
I decided to not tell him anything about my feelings nor will I show any signs of love. It was wrong to express love to someone who is already taken. I thought.
Night crept in like a silent spectator of my pains. It was time for him to message me after dinner.
As I was expecting a text from him, a message alert beeped on my phone.
It was him.
"Arjun is becoming too naughty these days", he wrote.
I replied, "What did he do? He's a child and this is the age to enjoy life. A little naughtiness is permitted. Come on!" I replied.
"Huh. You don't know this little devil."
I made faces from the other side of the phone screen and typed, "HE IS NOT A DEVIL. -_- "

"Don't support him. He will grow up as a naughty kid then you'll face the music." Rudra sent.
I feared each time he mentioned about our future. Why did he see me with him in the future? Who was I?
I deliberately wrote, "Hahaha. He'll be a great guy and an inspiration to my children."
I knew this would trigger something and I'll get my answers.
I noticed Rudra typing and deleting and repeating the same for a few seconds. Then there was a pause and again he was typing. Finally, he sent, "I can't see you getting married to someone else."
I was stunned. What did he actually mean?
"Means?" I wrote.
Rudra: I'll be the only unhappy person on your wedding. I will stand at the back in the church looking at that man on the cross and will ask him why such miseries happen when he taught us to love.
"What are you talking about? Why?" I asked.
Rudra: I love you Shehnaya. Do you love me?

I was numb. My brain freezed. We can never have each other. He just said it himself. I didn't know what was all this leading to.
"I love you too.", I just wrote.
Rudra: I knew you do. Your eyes expressed it all. I can't see you with anyone else. Be with me. We'll be happy. You are the girl I love and you are the one who loves me truly.

I knew what to write next and so I wasted no time in thinking. I asked, "What about your girlfriend?"
Rudra: She is my responsibility. My commitment. But you are the one I love. I can't deny my other closeness but nor can I deny my love for you. Walk this journey with me. I know we have no destination but I love you.

How could I lose him? I loved him of course. I knew I should have thought twice before indulging myself into all this but does love remain caged? I helplessly fell in love.
"We'll be there for each other. I can't live without you. All I need is your presence in my life." I replied.

Rudra: Can we go out tomorrow? I mean...on a proper date?
"Yes. We can but tomorrow I have to meet VK.", I said.
Rudra: Ah! I have to wait a little more to hold your hand!

I smiled on my own and wrote, "Shut up! You can't flirt!"

Rudra: Why not? I wanted to hold your hand yesterday when our hands brushed against each other.
"Why didn't you?" I asked.
Rudra: I thought you'll mind.
"We'll meet on the 28th?" I sent.

Rudra: Okay. I can wait for you.

We chatted the whole night like always. The difference was, I found love in every word, in every letter he wrote to me. We didn't speak over the phone that night. I was happy we didn't because I would have turned red and it would have been a little difficult for me to accept this sudden yet cute change in our relationship. In short, I would have felt shy.

I took out my diary the next day and wrote there:

21.05.14

A new chapter begins. An unknown journey of love, hidden from the world we start to form our new world. Love wins and it made us helpless.
Rudra loves Shehnaya.
Shehnaya loves Rudra.

To be continued...

Jaismita Alexander.