Recovery {H.S}*AU*

Mixed Feelings

 I woke up but this time alone, thankfully. I reached for my phone on my nightstand, checking it quickly. I chose to sleep in today; it's now almost noon. I had to call in sick to work; my anxiety levels were feeling high.

I see a text from Dee reading, "we need to go on a coffee date, Rose! There's so much I need to tell you." Dee probably wants to talk about Nick, I don't blame her for wanting to though, and he's a great guy. I replied to her text saying "yes! Soon!"

There wasn't anything else to do on my phone; that was my queue to get out of bed. I walked to my living room in one of Tyler's white shirts; he wore them all the time. I would invite him over but he's at work making the boss proud. I was just an assistant at the publishing company; I couldn't find anywhere else to work at. Tyler is a writer and I really good one as well. When I first worked there he used to leave me post it notes on my desk of cute poems. Sometimes the notes would say that I looked pretty or I have a cute laugh.

I kept mentally coming up with ways to tell Tyler about Harry, and the incident that happened. I'm scarred to tell him because I don't know what to expect, he's never gotten mad at me and I'm sure this would piss him off.

An urge inside me wanted to call Harry and ask for help, that's what I'd do when I was in a sticky situation but he's the one that caused this issue. I sat on my white couch, staring at the phone and I hate myself for doing this every time. This is why I distanced myself from Harry because every time he pops back into my life, I need to see him.

I kept trying to figure out what Harry means to me, I don't know if I hate him or still have feelings for him. Looking into his piercing green eyes brought back so many memories but mostly emotions.

I dialed his number on my phone and once I heard the awaiting rings I hung up. It was a mistake thinking that we could have a chance at an "us" again, plus I have Tyler.

To get Harry off my mind I decided to get ready for the remainder of the day. I did the usual, wash my face, brush my teeth, put makeup on and get dressed. I chose a cropped beige halter-top and some flowy beige bottoms. I was having more of a lazy day anyways and this went well with that.

I took my phone and called Dee about the coffee date. "Hey Dee, you busy right now?" I asked her urgently wanting to do something.

"I'm just chilling in my room on my laptop. Why?" She asked back curiously.

I grab my bag and some sunglasses, "We're going to Soho house for some lunch, I'll pick you up." I informed her, leaving my apartment. The weather was striking hot; I just hope it rains soon.

"Actually can you meet me there? It's going to take me awhile to get ready," Dee responded. Great now I can be alone in the car with my thoughts and my music, Dee never really liked my music anyways.

"Sounds good, see you soon, love you."

"Love you too girly," with that we both hang up. I walked out my apartment to my car. Thoughts of last night, crying alone in my car comes back to mind. I can't let Harry control me like this or I'll need therapy.

I start driving to West Hollywood where the restaurant is; It's a lovely place Harry took me once when we were in a good spot in our relationship. Now it's one of my favorite places to eat at on a day like this.

I'm curious to know what Dee wants to talk about, you never know with her because there's always something dramatic going on in her life. I let my music play loud in my car; it was songs by Milky Chance. I love the vibes to their song and mostly the beats, always puts me in a good upbeat mood.

"Mirror, mirror, who's the happiest? Is it the lover or is it the beloved?" I sing along to the song Sadnecessary. Dee and I went to a music festival that Milky Chance was playing at once and it was so much fun, even though they're not Dee's favorite. I love Dee; we have so many memories together.