The Wicked Liar 3: The Lying Order

Chapter 40: Not Yet

I dont know what to do. Pakiramdam ko nanigas lang ang katawan ko because I cant even move a finger. Nakatingin lang ako sa screen ng cellphone ko and it seems like unable to comprehend yung sinabi niya.

Nakapili na siya samin dalawa? I silently cursed myself for feeling this way. Nago overlap ang kaba at excitement. Kaba, dahil alam kong maaaring si Minho ang piliin niya after what had happened. Excitement dahil finally she has made up her mind.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko and counted one to ten. Pagtapos nun tumayo na ako at tinungo ang closet ko and grabbed plain pants and a shirt. Whatever happens alam kong hindi ko naman na din maiiwasan to. Darating pa rin ang panahon na kailangan kong harapin ang kapalaran ko sa kanya.

I put my clothes on at lumabas na. I've decided na maglakad na lang kahit na nga ba medyo malayo dahil baka atleast kahit paano kumalma ako. While walking, thoughts are swimming in my head. Sino ang pinili niya? At bakit niya pinili yun? Sigurado na ba siya?

I focused walking at pilit munang isinantabi ang mga naiisip kong yun. I let out a heavy sigh at itinuon ang buong atensyon ko sa kalsada. Good thing na naisipan ko mag hood dahil marami pa palang tao kapag ganitong oras. I keep my head down para walang makakilala sakin.

May nadaanan akong restaurant na umagaw ng atensyon ko dahil kitang kita ang sa loob nun. Iiwas na sana ako ng tingin but my eyes caught something.

Si Erica. At hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Not in this lifetime na makakalimutan ko ang mukhang yan. Like me she's just wearing a plain pants and shirt. At hindi ko talaga maipagkakamaling siya yun dahil nasa harapan niya ngayon si Minho at magkatinginan sila. I focused on Erica and I can see her eyes glowing. Katunayan, iniabot niya pa nga yung kamay ni Minho. I cant hear what she's saying and I dont think na gugustuhin ko pa.

What's the meaning of this? Siya ba ang pinili niya kaya ganito sila ka romantic? Tumayo si Minho and went somewhere. I just stood here watching. Feeling my heart slowly crumbling into pieces.

Ngayon naman kumakanta si Minho. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ng tingin he's crying. Tears of joy perhaps.

Akala ko sagad na tong nararamdaman ko pero mas may isasakit pa pala. Minho walked towards Erica again and kissed her lips. Kitang kita ng dalawang mata ko kung paano naglapat ang mga labi nila.

And I've had enough. I walked away. Ngayon ko lang na realize that there are tears falling down my face already. I wiped them. Dapat maging masaya ako. Dahil ito ang makakapagpasaya sa taong mahal ko. Maybe it's just hindi lang talaga kami para sa isa't isa. And it hurts. It fucking hurts na wala akong magawa kung di umiyak lang. It feels worthless and stupid but it's all I can do.

Nung may madaanan akong trash bin sinipa ko yun and started screaming. I screamed for everything worst that had happened to us. I screamed for my broken heart. Putangina bakit sobrang sakit? I want to die.. I want to die.. Mas gugustuhin ko na ganun na lang ang mangyari sakin kaysa naman masaktan ako ng ganito. Fuck, I cant afford to see her in other man's arms.

Umiyak pa ako ng umiyak and keeps on screaming hanggang sa mapagod na lang ako. There are people around looking at me. May nakita pa akong isang babae na mukhang kinukuhanan ako ng video so I walked towards her, kinuha ang cellphone niya at ibinato yun.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano na ako katagal na naglalakad. I am actually not aware kung nasaan na ba ako until I heard a screeching sound that brought me back to reality. On the other side of the street mayroong sasakyan na mabilis tumatakbo and seems out of control dahil hindi siya maka stay sa lane niya. It's swaying then I saw there's someone on the street.

Fuck, anong ginagawa ni Erica? Why isnt she moving?

Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip. Tumakbo ako and prayed with all my might na maabutan siya. The car is just inches away from her when I pushed her at ako ang masagasaan.

For a while there's nothing but silence. All I can hear is my heartbeat then I saw Erica leaning down on me but I cant make out the details of her face.

"Babe.." I tried to touch her yet I cant still see her clearly. Kapag pinipilit ko, there's an excruciating pain.

So this is what dying feels like. They say na bago ka mamatay your life will flash before your eyes. Ganun ang nangyayari sakin. Memories are fading in and out in my front. I see everything now. My childhood, those lonely and happy moments then finally Erica. I see everything we did now. Those kisses, those nights we're together, everything. I see everything we are now.

Maybe this is just how we will end. Mas maganda na rin siguro to. I prefer dying for her para kahit sa hanggang kahuli hulihang hininga ko siya lang ang mahal ko. I will die just with the thoughts of her

When I looked up I saw a light na nanggaling mula sa itaas that became a human form. When I saw kung sino yun, I tried to smile and reached her but I just cant

"Mama.." I whimpered

"Hello, Derick" sabi niya sakin na nakangiti. He inched closer to me and caressed my forehead. I see her as the healthy woman she is before siya magkasakit. She looks so alive and beautiful. Hindi tuyo ang balat niya, her lips are not chapped, may buhok siya, at higit sa lahat hindi siya sobrang payat gaya nung nagkasakit siya.

This moment is so beautiful na para bang gusto kong ma stuck na lang dito forever. My mom is here with me. My real mom. And with her touching me like this I can feel for the first time a mother's love. I feel like the helpless, hopeless child again that wants to do now is buried myself to her at umiyak nang umiyak.

"I'm sorry.." I told her and I can feel myself in tears again. I am so sorry for disapponting her.. I am so sorry for not keeping my promise na aalagaan ko si Erica.

She smiled at me "You did what you can, baby. It's more than enough" she said and kissed my forehead

Umiling ako "No.. Ma, sobrang sakit.. I destroyed her. Hindi ko natupad yung pangako ko na aalagaan siya.. And now she'll be with someone else that I think is much deserving than me.." I said crying pero ngumiti lang siya.

"Can I just go with you?" pakiusap ko sa kanya dahil hindi ko na talaga kaya. It's too much painful to bear. Ayoko na. Pagod na ako. And I have this urge to follow her wherever she'll go dahil pakiramdam ko magiging masaya ako at buo doon. Hindi katulad dito na buhay ka nga pero parang patay ka rin dahil wala yung mahal mo.

She shook her head "You're not done yet" she said softly

"But it's too painful. Pagod na pagod na ako.." I helplessly said pero umiling na naman siya

Bumitaw siya sakin at tumayo na. I struggled to sit down at abutin siya yet it seems like there's an invisible barrier that is already seperating her from me. When she's a meter away from me, lumingon siya and smiled at me.

"As of now you still belong here son. But if the time comes you're done and ready, we'll meet again I promise. But for now, make the best out of your life. May mga tao pa na umaasa sayo so you cant just end like this. Live well, my son. Live well"