Becoming Whole Again

Chapter 10

(Sonny's POV)
I stood there more shocked than ever before.
"C-Carli?" I whispered.
She smiled weakly.
"Hi, Sonny." she replied.
"Thank God." I said and started crying.
I leaned over and kissed her gently. I felt her kiss back. I've never been so happy in my entire life. She put her hand on my face, it was cold.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you awake." I said while still crying.
"I could hear you, you know. I could hear you talking to me." she said with a small smile.
I smiled back. She could hear me.
"I thought you were never going to wake up." I said and almost cried again.
"Oh, come on, Sonny. I had to wake up sometime. Someone has got to make sure your in line." she said and sat up.
We both laughed and I hugged her. It was silent for a minute.
"Why....why did you do it?" my voice cracked.
"I-I didn't know what else to do...I wanted the pain to go away. The alcohol wasn't working and I saw it as my only option." she said and started crying.
I sat on the bed and held her in my arms.
"Carli...you could've talked to me. I would've helped you through it. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.
"I didn't want to bother you..." she trailed off.
"Carli, sweetheart, you wouldn't have bothered me. I want to make sure you're okay and happy. It's my job to make you happy. I love you." I said and kissed her.
I felt so bad, my heart was shattering. Seeing her like this was even worse than seeing her in that coma.
I held Carli in my arms for a long time. It felt amazing to be able to have her in my arms again.
A few doctors came in, forcing me out of the room. They had to make sure Carli was okay. They had to give her pain medication and all sorts of things.
"Sonny! SONNY!" she screamed.
"Carli!" I yelled back as the doctors were shoving me out the door.
"Don't make him leave! Please!" she was begging.
The doctors ignored her request and shoved me out the door and locked it so I couldn't come in.
"God dammit!" I yelled and punched the wall.
"Sir, you need to calm down." a nurse nearby said.
"Don't tell me what I need to do." I said and I stormed out of the hospital.
I climbed into my car and started it. I drove down to the precinct.
I entered the squad room and everyone could tell I was upset.
"Sonny? Is everything alright?" Olivia said concerned.
"Uh...can we talk? Private?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure, sure. In here." she said and opened the door to her office.
I went inside and she shut the door behind us.
"What's going on?" she asked and I instantly hugged her and she hugged back.
"Carli is awake." I said.
"Sonny, that's great! How is she?" she asked.
"Terrible. She's so depressed. All she basically did was cry while I held her." I said upset.
"Sonny, I'm so sorry. Did you ask her if she would see a therapist?" Olivia was so concerned with the situation.
"Uh. No. Not yet. I want to give her time, you know?" I replied.
"Yes, I understand, Sonny, but I really think that therapy is what Carli needs most right now." she said.
"Yeah...I'll ask her when I go back later today." I stated.
"What happened to your hand?" she asked and looked down.
"What? Oh. Nothing." I said.
"Dominick, your hand is bleeding. What the hell happened?" she was stern.
"I punched the wall at the hospital." I said looking out the window.
"What? Why?" she asked.
"They shoved me out of Carli's room. Carli was begging them to let me stay but..they didn't listen. I just wanted to be there in case anything happened." I said tearing up.
"I hate it when doctors do that but I guess they have a good reason. When do you think she'll be released?" Olivia asked.
"I'm not sure. She's still pretty sick. Her wrist is bandaged and it looks bad." I said sadly.
"It'll be okay, Carisi." she said and hugged me tightly.
"Go home, Sonny. Get some rest. I'll swing by later to check on you." she said and patted my back.
"Okay. Thanks, Olivia." I said.
"No problem." she said as I left her office.
Everyone was looking at me. My eyes were red and puffy from crying. I bet I looked like a total idiot.
"Hey, Carisi. You okay?" Nick called from his desk.
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine." I said flatly.
"You sure? You don't look too...happy." Amanda said.
"Yeah I'm not but...I'll be fine. Carli is awake so things are getting a little better." I said with a little bit of hope.
"That's great, Sonny." Amanda said and looked down at her feet.
"What about you? Are you okay?" I asked her.
"What? Oh, yeah. I'm great." she said and smiled.
(Amanda's POV)
I'm not great. I'm not fine. And I'm definitely not okay. I hate seeing Sonny in so much emotional pain. I just want him to be happy even if it means I can't have him.
I'm glad Carli is awake though. It'll help build his confidence and hopefully make him happier. He just seems so depressed and it hurts my heart to see him this way.
"Okay. You looked a little upset. You sure?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'm good." I said lying.
Olivia was looking out her office window, staring straight at me. She opened her door.
"Rollins." she said motioning me into her office.
I went in and closed the door behind me.
"Yeah, Serge?" I asked and put my hands in my back pockets.
"What's going on with you?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked nervously.
"Why are you so down lately? Ever since Sonny met Carli you've been-" then realization hit her.
"Wait a minute..." she said staring at me.
I looked down at my feet trying not to cry.
"Are you interested in Sonny?" she asked.
"I never wanted to tell anyone but ever since he got transferred from Staten Island I've always had a soft spot for him. I don't know what it is about him but I like him. A lot. And seeing him in pain kills me. It kills me more than seeing him with Carli." I wasn't thinking about anything I was saying.
"Amanda...I-I don't know what to say." she looked t me sympathetically.
"You don't have to say anything. I know that I shouldn't interfere with Sonny's love life and I don't want to hurt him so I won't." I said.
"Well, Amanda, if you ever feel the need to talk, you know where to find me." she said.
"Yeah...thanks, Liv." I said and left the squad room.
Sonny was still there, talking to Nick and Fin.
"Hey, Rollins. We were just about to head out and get some drinks. Wanna join us?" Fin asked.
I couldn't say no. Fin is my best friend.
"Yeah. Sure. Just let me get my stuff." I replied.
(Sonny's POV)
Nick, Fin, Amanda, and I all went out. I figured it might help me relax a bit. I'm always under constant pressure.
We were all there for a very long time.
"Well guys, I think I'm gonna call it a night." Nick said while standing up.
"Yeah, me too." Fin chimed in.
"Okay, guys. I think I'm gonna stay for just a little while longer." I answered.
"Yeah, I'm staying too." Amanda said.
"Okay, see you tomorrow." they both said and they left the bar.
Amanda and I sat and talked for a while. Amanda started getting more personal. She kissed me.
"Hey. What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm so sorry, Sonny. I didn't mean to-" she began.
"It's okay." I said.
She kissed me again, but this time more passionately. I started kissing back. She pulled me out of the bar and to her car.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Back to your place." she said and began driving.
We arrived at my apartment and she led me inside.
"Amanda I don't think we should-" she kissed me again.
"Shh." she whispered.
The situation got more heated as time passed. One thing led to another and I wasn't using my head at all. Carli crossed my mind a few times but Amanda seemed to push the thoughts away.
Amanda led me to the bedroom. She took her clothes off. I did the same.
We kissed again and as the situation got even more heated, Amanda and I had a one night stand.