Becoming Whole Again

Chapter 11

(Sonny's POV)
I woke up to Amanda laying nude on top of me. It was about 6:00am. She was asleep.
"Oh my god...what did I do?!" I whispered to myself.
Amanda shook awake.
"What did you say, Sonny?" she was smiling.
"How are you smiling? Do you realize what we did?!" I was beginning to raise my voice.
I pushed her off of me and jumped out of the bed. I rushed to get dressed.
"Sonny, wait-" she began.
"No, Amanda. This never happened. Never tell anyone about this or I swear to God..." I was so stern and Amanda started to tear up.
"Sonny, please.." her voice started cracking.
"No! I don't love you! I love Carli! I was stupid to have done this with you." I grabbed my phone and keys and stormed out of the apartment.
I climbed into my car and just sat there. I broke down into tears.
"How could I be so stupid?!" I punched the dashboard.
I started the car and drove back to the hospital. Everything from last night began flooding back into my head. It's haunting me. It's going to haunt me for the rest of my life...
I got to the hospital and rushed in as fast as I could. I wiped my eyes so Carli wouldn't see I was crying.
I knocked on her door.
"Come in." I heard her say from the other side.
(Amanda's POV)
I did it. I screwed everything up. Sonny hates me and it's all my fault. Why did I have to have sex with him?!?!
I need to distance myself from him. I need to get over him.
"He doesn't love you, Amanda, he said it himself." I whispered to myself.
His words kept replaying in my brain over and over.
'I don't love you! I love Carli!"
I began crying as hard as I ever have before. I hate myself so much for this. He's never going to act the same around me. He's never going to be my friend. And he's never going to love me. Ever. My heart is shattered. It'll never be rebuilt again.
(Sonny's POV)
I opened the door and shut it quietly behind me.
"Hi, baby." she said smiling.
"Hi, sweetheart..." I said feeling guilty as hell.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" she was worried and sat up.
I started crying again.
"Sonny! What's the matter?!" she was so concerned.
"I did something bad, Carli. You're going to hate me. You won't love me anymore." I said looking into her eyes.
"Nothing you tell me could ever jeopardize my love for you." she said.
"I think this is an exception to that theory." I trailed off.
"Just tell me what happened, babe. Please." she was upset now.
I could feel my anxiety building up. I was silent for a few moments.
"I had sex with Amanda last night." I looked away from her.
The room was filled with silence. You could hear a pin drop. I heard her start crying. I grabbed her hand and I was surprised when she didn't pull it away.
"Sonny..." she was crying really hard.
"I'm so so sorry, baby. I love you so much." I was crying as much as she was.
"Did it mean anything?" she asked looking up at me.
"What?" I asked.
"Did it mean anything? Do you love her?" she asked.
"No! Not at all! It was a dumb mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what had gotten into me. Believe me, when I woke up this morning, my entire life shattered when I realized what I had done. I'm such a terrible boyfriend. Well, I guess you don't love me anymore and that hurts like hell. I'm so sorry, Carli. I love you so much. Take care of yourself..." I got up to leave and she fiercely grabbed my hand.
"Dominick Carisi, Jr. Don't ever say that I don't love you. I will never stop loving you. Nothing could ever come in the way of my love for you. You saved my life, twice. You took me in when I had nowhere to go. You gave me love, support, and hope. Sonny, I love you. I understand and believe that it meant nothing. I know you don't love Amanda. I know you're just friends with her and it was an honest mistake." she said wiping her tears and smiling at me.
"Really? You...you still love me after what I did?" I was so happy yet so confused.
"Yes, Dominick. Guess what?" she was smiling.
I smiled and sighed with relief.
"Thank God. I love you so much!" I kissed her.
"Now what?" I asked.
"The doctors said I'm doing well. I'll be able to leave today." she was so happy.
"That's great! I'm just so glad you're okay. I was so worried you weren't going to come back to me." I said sadly.
"I couldn't leave you. I love you too much." she laughed.
The doctor came in joyfully.
"Okay then.." I thought to myself.
"Hello, Ms. Shelton. How are we today?" he asked.
"Great. Thanks for asking. You?" she was so sweet. I just wanted to kiss her.
"Good! Okay so your vitals have been under control for the past 24 hours. I believe you'll be able to leave at around 9:00 today!" he said while smiling.
"Really? Great! Thank you doctor!" she was so excited.
"You're welcome. I'll be back in later to make sure you're doing well." he said and left the room.
"I'm going to stay with you." I said.
"Thank you, baby." she said.
"You're welcome, sweetheart." I said smiling.
I leaned in and kissed her gently. She kissed back. It felt amazing. I could feel her joy and happiness running through her body when our lips touched. She was so delicate and beautiful.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Come in." I said gleefully.
Olivia came in with a disgusted look on her face.
"Serge? What's up?" I asked.
"Don't act like you don't know, Carisi." she was firm.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said.
"Amanda told me everything." she said and my heart dropped and I filled with anger.
"She did what?!" I was basically screaming.
"Sonny, calm down." Olivia said.
"How can I? I told Amanda not to tell anyone! Not to speak about it ever again!" I was so scared.
"Dominick. Please. She told me what happened. She's ripped apart, Sonny. She really loves you." she said.
"I know. But I love Carli. Carli is the love of my life." I grabbed Carli's cold hand.
"Yes, I know that, but Amanda is literally sitting in my apartment crying her eyes out. I had to hide any sharp objects in case she-never mind. But I really think you need to apologize to her." she was being dead serious.
I thought about this morning and how I had left my own apartment. I realized how much of a douche I was to Rollins.
"I guess you're right but-" I began and Liv cut me off.
"No buts. Just apologize. Please? I don't need any drama in my squad room. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye, Carisi." she walked out closing the door behind her.
I looked at my girlfriend.
"Carli-" she cut me off.
"Apologize, Sonny. Please. I don't know what you did or what you said to her but please apologize." Carli was being so demanding.
"Okay, I'll apologize later, in person. Not over the phone." I said.
"Okay. Thank you, baby." she said and put her hand on my cheek.
"You're welcome, honey." I smiled back and she kissed me.
The kiss was so passionate. I can't believe I got so lucky to have a girl like Carli. She's the best woman I've ever been with. I love her so much.