Spiritual Networking

Spiritual Networking - Chapter 5

Chapter 5



Paul was leaving church one Sunday afternoon when Sydney pulled up next to him as he started to get into his car. Sydney had been a good friend to him in college and after he moved here six years ago, she was like another sister. He enjoyed hanging out with her, but he always knew that she wanted more. More than he was able to give her.

“Hey, wanna grab lunch?” Sydney was a great woman of God. She lead worship with a passion and Paul admired that in her. She was fun and attractive, very attractive, if Paul was honest with himself. But, he had never felt an attraction for her.

Now standing at her car, with her window rolled down and her skirt showing more leg than she was probably aware, Paul questioned himself. Why wasn’t he ready to settle down? His mother would be pleased. She had been hinting at getting married and grandbabies for the past four years. Lucky for him, his sister Charity and her husband James were taking care of that. Three kids between the age of fifteen to two.

Maybe he should ask Sydney out and see what happened? They got along great. Maybe the attraction would come eventually. It would be a huge risk since they worked together if it didn’t work out. And what would Pastor Davis think?

She tilted her head to one side. “Wanna grab something to eat?”

“Sure.” Why not just enjoy lunch together? Paul asked himself.


Paul’s lunch with Sydney went great. They were best of friends, she was attractive, and obviously still attracted to him. She wanted more. And for the life of him, Paul could not figure out what was keeping him back. He loved her like a sister, and wondered if that could mature into true love?

When he dropped her off at her apartment, he decided to at least try. Throw caution to the wind and see what happened. He leaned in and gently kissed her.

Sydney who had been waiting for this moment for years, leaned into him and kissed him back. It started as a slow soft kiss, but became more clumsy once Sydney’s tongue reached out and touched Paul’s lips.

Paul wasn’t sure who pulled away first, but suddenly, they both of them had their hands to their lips.

“I’m sorry.” Paul was the first to speak.

“Me too. You know, I always wondered why we never tried that. now, I’m glad we didn’t.”

“Pretty bad huh?” Paul was shaking his head. He hoped that things would not be different between him and Sydney now.

“It was like kissing.... I don’t know.”

“My sister.”

“Yeah, like kissing a brother or a cousin.”

“Syd, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

Sydney laughed it off, “Paul, if you hadn’t, we would have never known. And now we do.”

“So... still friends? Nothing strange going on between us?”

“You are stuck with me. Don’t worry, you can’t lose me over the worst kiss ever.”

“Hey! I kiss good, just not with you,” Paul’s face showed a fake hurt, which in turn made Sydney laugh.

“I love you. I always will. Now, I know that we’re not right for each other, maybe I’ll start looking for Mr. Right.”

“Syd, you deserve the best!! And I’ll be there to run away the ones that don’t deserve you!”

“Same here!! Any girl that tries to steal your heart has to pass through me!”

“Deal!”

This time when he left, Paul hugged her goodbye, keeping his lips to himself.



MilliVanilli:
u online?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
u bet

MilliVanilli:
whats going on?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
just got in
had a date


Millie was happy for Paul. Over the weeks and months of getting to know each other, she knew he was a great guy and deserved someone that would make him happy. They had talked one night about why neither had ever gotten married. Millie said that her career was busy and too important to meet anyone. Plus she liked her life without the complications of a relationship. Paul said that he had never met anyone that understood his fascination with his online lifestyle. And that he was super picky.

MilliVanilli:
i see u found some1 who understands u!

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
well it is complicated

MilliVanilli:
wanna talk about it?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
i work with her
we went to college 2gether
she’s great
like a sister

MilliVanilli:
and??

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
the like a sister part
no chemistry
like kissin my sister

MilliVanilli:
sorry

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
no need to b sorry
@ least she felt the same
she has wanted to date since college

MilliVanilli:
sorry it didn’t work out 4 u

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
wish we lived close

MilliVanilli:
us?
y?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
u get me
something very few people do

MilliVanilli:
even if we did live close
i don’t know if i could meet you

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
y not?

MilliVanilli:
i … i have issues

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
don’t we all?

MilliVanilli:
not like mine

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
ok shoot

MilliVanilli:
nope
too ashamed

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
u know when u do this
i guess
hmmmm must be good
u r quiet
u r allergic to the sun?
u weigh 500 pounds?
u r married
THATS IT
that is why we only chat at night


Paul knew he was jumping to conclusions here, but she wasn’t saying a thing. His mind was going wild. He wasn’t sure if he should believe his ramblings or not. But with her remaining quiet, he began to have doubts.

MilliVanilli:
no i am not married
i do not weigh 500 pounds
i am not allergic to the sun
and there4 i am not a vampire!
LOL

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
r u going to tell me?

MilliVanilli:
what does it matter?
we will never meet

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
u never know
maybe i will come visit

MilliVanilli:
it will never work

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
how do u know?

MilliVanilli:
i just do
i promise, i have never lied to u

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
ok
im sorry

MilliVanilli:
i gotta go
ttyl


Millie did not talk to him later, she avoided him at all cost. She couldn’t risk him finding out the one thing that she guarded so close that very few people knew. And if they knew the extent of her issues, they would have her in therapy so fast it would make her head spin. No, she liked her binary world too much to risk anyone getting too close.



Paul tried, he missed Millie. He felt bad that he pushed her and she shut him out. He was trying to give her space, but after three days of not seeing her online, or seeing her online and trying to reach out, but her not replying, he decided to send an email.


Millie,

First of all, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I understand that you don’t want to meet and I respect that. Our friendship is different than any that I have in real life or on the web. I would like to meet you one day, but I will wait on you to make that decision. I don’t know if anything will ever happen, even if we do meet. I feel closer to you than I do to people in the real world.

I miss you and I hope you can forgive me.

Paul



That night, after the Virtual Bible Study, Paul logged on to Wattpad and read a new poem from Millie.


How Do I Explain?

How do I explain that I am scared?
How do I explain what I feel?
How do I explain what you do to me?
When I don’t understand myself?

How do I get over my fears?
How do I get past my hurt?
How do I get you to understand?
When I don’t trust myself?

How do I let you in?
How do I let you get close?
How do I let you see me?
When I find it hard to look at myself?

How do I know this is right?
How do I know what love is?
How do I know you won’t hurt me?
When I want to be by myself?



Paul knew that again, she was speaking to him through her writing. He didn’t understand everything, there was something she had not shared with him, but he wasn’t sure what it was. He was determined not to rush her, but he was also determined to have her open up to him no matter what.


Millie was working on a project when she heard the ping forgetting she was logged into Wattpad. She had avoided Paul for days now, but he wasn’t giving up. She was just as confused about him as she was about herself. Today she read in his devotional, Walking in Faith, that our Heavenly Father wants the best for her. And even when she doesn’t know what she wants herself, that He knows the desires of her heart and is working to give her everything she desires, that God desires a relationship with her.


‘When God says that he knows the plans he has for you. Do you go with God’s plans or are you working of your own accord unknowingly against God’s plans? God is your Heavenly Father and every father wants what is best for their child. They want them to succeed and have all their dreams and ambitions met. They also want a relationship with their child. When you go to God to make your desires known, does God hear from you any other time? Do you have a relationship with him? Or do you just go to him to ask him for the car keys? a raise in your allowance? or a problem to be solved? He wants to give you the desires of your heart, but his desire is a relationship with you!’



She had also read the email he had sent her. Understanding his feelings, she felt bad for him, she didn’t want him to think this was all about him, but she didn’t know how to get past her issues.

A part of her wanted to tell him. They had been online friends, chat buddies, whatever you want to call it for almost six months now. They had learned a lot about each other. Could he handle her baggage? Could he help her through the issues, and be there for her, even when times are tough? Even when all she wanted to do was hide herself away?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
im sorry
will u please 4give me?
will u talk 2 me?
i miss u

MilliVanilli:
yes

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
i am so sorry

MilliVanilli:
i know
look i need 2 tell u some things
this is hard for me

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
i understand and tell me what u want
i am here 4 u

MilliVanilli:
i know
i appreciate that
:-)

Millie took a deep breath. Could she tell him? Everything? She didn’t say anything for awhile and Paul thought maybe she changed her mind.

MilliVanilli:
I don’t get out much

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
ok

MilliVanilli:
no really
i leave my apartment as little as possible
like once or twice a month if that often
i don’t like to leave
i can’t always handle it

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
were u always like this?

MilliVanilli:
i have always been shy
i have never liked crowds
i would rather be alone
but no, this did not happen until after college

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
what happened?
2 make u afraid to go outside?

MilliVanilli:
i am not afraid of outside
i don’t like the people
1 of my father’s business associates assaulted me

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
what did your father do?

MilliVanilli:
nothing
told me i needed 2 loosen up
he didn’t rape me
but could have if my sis did not stop him

Paul wanted to scream WHAT? on the chat, but he knew she needed a friend and not someone who would go off, even if his anger was directed at her father.

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
do u want 2 tell me about it?

MilliVanilli:
it was @ a party
i was trying to get away from the crowd
went into a room to gather my thoughts
he came in and started grabbing me

and not letting me leave

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
what did ur parents do?

MilliVanilli:
mom will support dad
always has
dad told me 2 get over it

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
u didn’t file charges

MilliVanilli:
no
what was i suppose 2 do
tell officer he tried?
dad would have had a fit

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
so u don’t leave ur apt now
bcause of that

MilliVanilli:
i leave 2 get groceries and stuff
i leave when i have 2
but i don’t want someone
doing that or looking @ me like that
ever again

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
when u do go out
how do u handle it?

MilliVanilli:
i go late at night
2 a 24 hour store
less crowds
and when i do go out
this sounds so stupid

Millie was silent again for a few moments. Paul was afraid that she was shutting down.

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
Mil - i am here 4 u

MilliVanilli:
it is stupid
i wear this hoodie

and cover up

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
NOT stupid!!!
your security

MilliVanilli:
i know
still stupid

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
what does ur family say?

MilliVanilli:
i go to parents house a couple times a year
just to get mom off back
dad has no clue
lexi doesn’t know extent and comes to see me

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
how does that make u feel

MilliVanilli:
wish i could live a real life
but can’t
scared

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
what if i helped

MilliVanilli:
NO
don’t u now see y we could never work?
so, now u know
friends?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
always
so ??
since we r being honest
when do i get a pic?

MilliVanilli:
y?

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
not fair that u know what i look like
and i don’t have a clue

MilliVanilli:
that is ur fault

:-)

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
y?

MilliVanilli:
cause i don’t put my life out
4 all 2 c

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
true
but would like 2 know
if u will let me

Paul’s inbox on his email chimed and he knew before looking that Millie had sent him a picture.

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
FUNNY!!

MilliVanilli:
I thought you would like it
:-)

HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
when do i get 2 c the real u
not a cartoon of velma & daphne?

Paul’s inbox chimed again, this time he was greeted with a picture, a real one of Millie. She was stunning. Why was someone this beautiful hiding from the real world? The picture had been taken with a camera on her computer, he could see her surroundings, a studio apartment, much like his own, with nice furnishings. He could tell that everything had a place and was in it. It was a very nice apartment.

He focused on two things. The first was the gorgeous blonde staring at him. She had a depth of soul in her brown eyes. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a loose bun and tendrils of hair played down the nape of her neck. Her lips looked soft and lush. The moment he saw the picture, his heart skipped a beat. He knew right then that he would do anything and go anywhere for this woman. The second thing he noticed was the vulnerability in her eyes. He would have to gain her heart, but not through tricks or manipulation like many men would do in his situation. She would have to want to be with him bad enough that she would come out of her shell.