Listening to Katherine (girlxgirl)

12: Impulsivity

She despised me, and that broke my heart. She looked straight into my eyes and basically told me to leave. I really should've had thought that through. Katherine grabbed me by the arm and took me outside of Fhac's hospital room. I was hesitant, and I didn't want to be touched by anybody. I didn't want Katherine to touch me, but she was already violently pulling me away from Fhac. Katherine was strong. She was able to do that. Fhac merely looked at how I was shooed away by her best friend. She was unhappy by what she saw, but she merely shrugged it away. That was one of the last moments I had with Fhac, and it was terrible.

"Katherine, Katherine, please let me talk to her," I was begging like a child. I was miserable for Fhac's attention. "Katherine, please."

"No!" she replied by dragging me further away.

"Katherine, please," by that time, I was already sobbing. I didn't know what to do. I was so embarrassed, but at the same time I didn't care. "I need to speak with her. Please, Katherine."

Katherine inhaled deeply and looked at me intently. "Fhacky got mugged and beaten up the night you two were thsupposed to go that bloody play!"

Oh no, I felt even worse. That was why her head was wrapped in bandage. Her face also had dark purple marks which were supposed to be bruises.

"But, Gabriela said Fhac had a fever," I responded in confusion.

"No," Katherine rolled her eyes. "I told her a different thstory."

"I beg you, let me talk to her."

"I beg you too, Shaheera," Katherine said. "Fhacky iths very thstressed out. Other than that, she depprethssed too. She in phythical and emotional pain, man. Leave her alone. She don't wanna talk to you or look at you, or even think about you. I am begging you, quit hurting my friend. Thstay away from her. Pleathse."

I fell silent for one moment, contemplating about what I might be doing. Katherine was right. I should've listened to what she was saying. I had been emotionally distressing Fhac, and I never should've. Now that she'd seen me again, the memories would just come back: everything we did together. She needed to forget me. She needed to get over me. She needed to avoid me to accomplish those goals.

"Okay," I replied to Katherine, swallowing a lump in my throat, and walked down the hospital stairs.

"And Shaheera," Katherine added. "Don't ever try to contact her."

"Okay," and I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I walked home, spacing out and feeling like I lost everyone. I couldn't even call Hunter because I didn't have a phone. And I didn't want to come to his house crying over everything that had happened in my life.

I was merely alone with no one to share my problems with. My room was my only sanctuary. That was where my loneliness had gotten worse.

Gabriela sucked, but I didn't entirely blame her. It was my decision anyway. And I never talked to and looked at my father the way I used to. He was my idol, the one person that I looked up to, but now he was merely my birth giver, the person who gave fifty percent of my genes. I hated him!

Mother was silent about everything. She didn't give an opinion. She tried to comfort me, but I only shut her out. I just wanted to be left alone.

And I went to school, I was behind my classes, which was awful because I had to make up for them. Also, I had started flirting with almost everybody: boys and girls. Oh yes, it was fun but Fhac was all in my brain. She was all I could ever think about.

There was a guy who told me he had a crush on me, which I did not believe because I looked terrible in high school. He and I had started dating, but I broke up with him two days later. I probably had dated five percent of the school's population, which was entertaining for me, kept me focused on other stuff aside from thinking about Fhac all day long.