TWO | Fast Forward

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The next few days were full of unanswered text, silent moments and dressing as if I were in mourning. I worse sunglasses and a hat every single day. It didn't matter where I went. I was falling into depression and I knew it. I knew it was happening, I didn't want it to but I couldn't help it.

It never got easier. Over these few days, my tears never stopped and the thoughts of him never left. I just kind of pushed them to the side. I kept telling myself 'If he wanted me back, he would come back'. I talked to him once more after the break up, during that week. It was an accident that I did but it was a great accident. We spoke of how upset I was, why he did it, and how he felt. He was sad but he was fine without me. He was okay, and I wasn't. It made me think.. He didn't love me as much as I loved him. I was a fool for not seeing that. I was so angry and bitter and cold, I didn't care anymore. About anything. I started to give up.

On the last day of that week, I received a message from an old friend who saw me suffering and when he did, he gave me the best words of encouragement. Enough encouragement to get my ass up and stop moping around. I had wasted a week of my life sad about someone who was not coming back to me anytime soon. I was still depressed but I would try my best to pull myself out of it.

Over the next few months, Senior Year came around, as soon as I was able to speak his name without crying, he was back in my life, full time, everyday.I even had two classes with him. It was hard. I would cry about it but only in the shower when I was left with my thoughts at night.

By December, I was able to smile again, or at least grin without feeling like I was faking it. I had submitted my college applications and began on my road to my future. It was all I had to focus on now.

In February, Valentine's Day was hard. I cried in my room going through that damn memory box. I wasn't seeing anyone, or even entertaining the thought of moving on. I didn't want to. Part of me was still stuck on Derek, and the other part of me was hoping he was still stuck on me. But he wasn't. As these months passed, females came and went. One here, one there. It only made me more bitter about him. My love for him turned to hate. Yes I still yearned for him every single day, but I hated him for making me this way too.

In May came Prom and Graduation. I was determined to make Prom a night I would never forget. I thought Derek would at least ask me to go with him, but it wasn't a surprise that he didn't. I went alone and slayed of course, just how a thick girl was supposed to. Graduation came and I was now headed to college. Life was getting good. I was finally moving on, picking up the pieces and becoming the girl I once was. I would be attending North Carolina A&T State University in the fall and would soon be on my way to success. I had written my final chapter of my life in Maryland and was finally ready to begin a new book.

I stayed close to Jessica and my sister Patrice, we were all becoming women, doing things on our own, living life as we had always dreamed. Patrice and I had gone to college together while Jessica stayed in state and went to UMD. I made few friends over my college years and even went on a few dates. Still nothing as serious as what Derek and I ever had. Nothing could ever match that.

It no longer hurt to see him on social media. It no longer hurt to speak about him. It no longer hurt to speak to his family, when I would visit home. I was no longer hurt. I was happy. I was doing me, living my life, becoming the me I wanted to be.

After senior year ended, I never saw Derek again. I heard that he went to UMD for a while, then transferred to Texas A&M later on. He was doing well for himself, and I was proud. I didn't have any negative feelings toward him or anything that he did. I figured that holding on to that pain would only hurt me, instead of help me.

I graduated from college with my degree in Nursing just as I said I would. The girls and I moved to Atlanta like we planned and got a three bedroom apartment that we all paid rent on. We were successful, young, and living.. and then today came.

"Anna have you seen Toby's leash? I can't find it?" Jess yelled from the living room. I peeked out of the kitchen and pointed to his doggy bed.

"Its right under his lil toy, right there" we both laughed as she looked at Toby who she believed had his it from her.

"Come on dog" she put his leash on him and they exited the apartment. It was 9:00 and Toby had to be walked one last time before we all went to bed. He was my dog but the girls loved him just as much as I did and pitched in to help.

"Soooo.. Is it wrong to date a guy who is separated but not fully divorced?" Patrice asked while hopping on the counter.

"Yes P, its wrong. If he really wants to be with you, he can wait until he's fully divorced"

"But he's sexy and has money" she pouted. I laughed.

"So are you, another one will come."

There was a knock on the door and I gave P a look as if to say 'Can you get that?' She hopped off the counter and dipped her finger in the cake batter I was mixing.

"Heeeyyyy!!"

"You know I can't resist the cake" I laughed at her response and went back to mixing.

"Jess probably left her keys when she took Toby out" I yelled.

I heard the door open, followed by an 'Oh Shit' and the door closing again. I stepped out into the open looking at P and wiping my hands on a towel.

"What's wrong?" I asked. She had her back against the door and the most curious look of shock on her face.

"You'll never believe who just knocked on our door."

"Who?.. Ooh is it that guy that lived in like Cambodia or something you dated a while ago? He was cute, you should let him in.." I rambled. She placed her hand over my mouth.

"Anna SHUT UP!"

I did as told and she looked me in the eye.

"It's for you" She opened the door again and there he stood. He had found me after all of these years. Derek was back.

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