What's Best For You (Urban Fiction)

FIFTEEN | New Me

A/N: Marcus & Anna's home in the MM.

***

I woke up to hopsital air. The room was stale. I had to have been here at least two days. I opened my eyes slowly, not knowing what exact state of mind I was in. I felt immense pain in my abdomen, and a headache from hell. I was very groggy and couldn't fully understand what was happening.

"Okay now baby, try and relax, get up slowly" I heard Marcus' voice coaching me. I did as told and sat up very slowly, holding my head once in an upright position.

"Wh-What happened?" I looked around the room and no one was there except Marcus. I wonder if anybody even knew I was in here but him.

"The other night when we started arguing and you uh.. you fell, you hit your head pretty hard on the table behind the couch. You have a concussion.. and uhh.."

"The baby?!? Marcus tell me the baby is okay?!"

He sat there silently, shaking his head. "The reason you blacked out like you did was because you were having a miscarriage when we were going back and forth.. the doctor said it was too much stress on your body"

I felt tears burning my eyeballs. All I ever wanted in life was to be a mother, a provider for someone. It was one of the many reasons I became a Labor & Delivery nurse. Children were God's gift to us, and I had just lost mine. I couldn't help but to believe it was my fault, like if I would've stayed calm more or just left before it got out of hand... I'd still be pregnant. My sobs were silent but they didn't go unnoticed. Marcus came and sat on the bed next to me. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I cried to him.

"Baby it's not your fault, it's mine. I have a problem and I'm gonna get help. You can't blame yourself Anna, this is on me" he held me so close that I could barely breathe. This was a moment that made me appreciate Marcus for the man I knew he could be. If he finally realized that he needed help, then maybe this could work. He sat there holding me, crying real tears over the loss of our first child. This was a pain that seemed so unmanigable. I couldn't deal with the fact that I would have to explain that I was no longer looking forward to being a mother in March. I didn't want to speak to anyone actually. This was the beginning of the shutdown.

***

TWO WEEKS LATER

It's been hard. A lot of sleepless nights, sitting in silence in the nursery that would've been, and unanswered phone calls. I didn't have anything to say. Marcus hasn't touched me since everything happened. Literally nothing, no kisses, hugs, or even accidental bump ins. We moved in silence. He would come home from practice, shower, cook, and made sure I ate. I hadn't been to one of his games since it all happened but I did watch from home, and you could tell that his game was off. It was like the baby was the glue that was holding us together and now that it was no more... we were no more. The girls would stop by to check on me, but I didn't say anything. I felt depression creeping into my heart and I didn't try to stop it. I no longer cared. I had no reason to.

Today I was packing up the nursery and giving some things to Patrice who was now expecting her first child in May. It was hard seeing my bestfriend pregnant, knowing I just lost a child but I loved her and knew that it just wasn't my time. On my way out of the door with a box full of stuffed animals and baby clothes, I tried locking the door but was unsuccessful. Everything in the box came tumbling out and I sighed just looking at it. I tied my hair into a sloppy bun and tilted my sunglasses back on my nose before reaching for the toys and putting them back in the box.