> hyunjin is 4 years older than felix
> they both are toxic
_____
The first time felix met hyunjin, it was raining. Not a gentle drizzle, but a downpour—sky cracked open, city lights bleeding through water-streaked windows. felix had been standing beneath a flickering neon sign, soaked to the bone, waiting for a ride that wouldn’t come, when hyunjin pulled up in a black car with the window rolled down and a cigarette hanging lazily from his lips.
“You’ll catch a cold, kid,” hyunjin said, voice low, a little amused.
“Don’t care,” felix had replied, shivering but stubborn. hyunjin raised an eyebrow, smirked, and unlocked the door.
That was how it began. Simple. Unassuming. Like smoke before the fire.
---
hyunjin was older. Wiser, maybe. Colder, definitely. He moved like someone who had survived too many wars to care about peace. felix, on the other hand, was raw energy—reckless, hungry, magnetic. He had a way of crashing into things: people, situations, hearts. hyunjin should have known better.
He didn’t.
felix called him hyung the way a prayer is whispered—intimate, reverent, and sometimes angry. It was that word, hyung, that first wrapped around hyunjin’s spine and pulled something ancient and possessive to the surface.
At first, it was thrilling. Obsession in slow motion. felix with his soft mouth and sharp tongue. hyunjin with his detached gaze and the way he never said i love you unless felix begged. They circled each other like predators, teeth bared and aching.
But it didn’t take long before the thrill turned dangerous.
---
They loved each other. There was no denying that. But it was the kind of love that carved holes instead of filling them. They fed on each other’s insecurities, pulling them out like stitches, laughing as they bled. Every fight was a performance. Every silence a scream.
“I hate the way you look at me,” felix once said, his hands trembling after another night of screaming and slamming doors.
“I look at you like you belong to me,” hyunjin answered, lighting a cigarette with a cracked lighter. “Because you do.”
“You don’t own me,” felix snapped.
hyunjin exhaled smoke into the space between them. “Then stop coming back.”
felix didn’t move. Neither did hyunjin.
That night, like every other, ended with them tangled in each other’s arms, lying in the wreckage of everything they’d broken.
---
Sometimes they were soft. Sometimes they remembered what it felt like to be gentle. hyunjin would brush the hair from felix’s eyes and kiss his forehead, murmuring things like you drive me insane in a voice that sounded too much like a lullaby. felix would press his face to hyunjin’s chest and say, “Just stay like this. Just for tonight.”
But the softness never lasted.
By morning, one of them would say something cruel, dig up an old wound, scratch the scab just to see the blood. It was a cycle neither of them could stop—love, hurt, apologize, repeat.
They were addicted. Not just to each other, but to the way they made each other feel. High, low, alive.
“Hyung,” felix whispered one night, lying half-naked on hyunjin’s bed, bruises blooming like flowers across his collarbone. “If I die like this, would you cry?”
hyunjin’s eyes didn’t leave the ceiling. “I’d set the world on fire.”
felix smiled. “Then I’ll die in your arms.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” hyunjin said, finally turning to him, grabbing his jaw too tightly. His voice cracked, just a little. “Don’t you ever leave me.”
“I couldn’t,” felix replied. “Even if I wanted to.”
And he did want to. Sometimes. There were moments—fleeting, cruel moments—where he imagined what life would be like without the constant ache of needing hyunjin. Without the jealousy. The fights. The apologies whispered into sweaty sheets.
But those thoughts vanished the second hyunjin touched him. The second he said felix in that low voice that sounded like forever and destruction at once.
---
Once, felix tried to end it. He walked out. Packed a bag. Deleted his photos. Left hyunjin a note that said, "I love you too much to keep doing this"
It took three days.
He came back pale, haunted. hyunjin opened the door without a word and just looked at him.
“Say it,” felix begged, on his knees.
“Say what?”
“That you need me.”
hyunjin’s jaw clenched. “I don’t.”
felix’s eyes went glassy. He stood up, turned to leave.
“I need you like I need oxygen,” hyunjin said, voice shaking. “I hate you for it.”
felix didn’t smile. He just nodded, dropped his bag, and stepped into his place beside the fire.
---
They never healed. Not really. They didn’t want to. Healing would mean forgetting, and forgetting would mean letting go. And they couldn’t.
Because the truth was, no one else would ever understand them the way they understood each other. No one else would love so destructively, so thoroughly, so violently. No one else would match their madness.
They were two broken mirrors facing each other, reflecting the same endless, shattered image.
And even as they drowned, they clung to each other like lifelines—knowing the whole time it was the other who was pulling them under.
But still, they stayed.
_____
A/n:
i originally planned it to be a shinyu/dohoon oneshot that i wanted to post on ao3 but decided that hyunjin and felix fit the roles more :))
