Forever Dawn

12. Thinking (Bella's POV)

11. Thinking (Bella's POV)

I was walking in the woods. I had wanted some space to just think. Also, I hadn't wanted to be around to watch another chess match. Alice and Rose had both decided that they were going to decorate Renesmee's cast, but they had two very different ideas for what was going on it. So they were going to play chess to decide whose design would go on.

Playing chess to solve your differences is a very good idea, but playing with Alice is bad. It's all about those split second decisions, because Alice could see what you were going to do otherwise. Rose was constantly changing her mind about everything, though, so she had a bit of an advantage. Sadly, I was going to have to hone my chess skills. Only three people in this house couldn't play or play very well. Renesmee, Jake, and me. And Renesmee was easily outpacing me. She was good. She'd almost beaten Edward when I got to shield her.

But I had no idea how to play, even after five years watching my family do it. Chess wasn't my thing. That's all. A verbal argument sounds more like me. I could argue with Alice, or Rose, or Jasper. All though they always beat me.

I liked the forest though. It was private. No one else got joy out of the trees and the grass and the brush, not as much as I did. It was all mine, not just when I was hunting, but all the time. It was one of the things I loved the most now, after Edward, Renesmee, and my family. I'd always liked the woods, but only after I was transformed did it like me. Before, I used to trip and stumble, and in Arizona, there was no such thing as the forest. Only those few weeks I spent with Charlie did I get to truly appreciate them.

After I was changed, the only thing I missed about being human was the sun. A girl who grew up in Arizona should find it hard to now spend the rest of forever in the least sunny places in the world. But today it was sunny out. No pouring rain, just fresh sunshine flowing through the gaps in the clouds. The kind of day that seemed so far away when it was pouring.

I continued walking, gripping the bark on trees, tracing my fingers over leaves. They rustled under my touch, and I smiled.

I thought about my daughter. I was worried about her. But maybe she had just fallen off the roof by accident. It was easy for me. I felt bad for her. Breaking her leg must make her feel so invalid, so useless. She needed our help all the time. I slid my hand over the rough bark of the tree next to me. And she wouldn't be able to hunt, I thought. She loved hunting. Not the killing part, the running part. She was the second-fastest person in our family, after Edward. A week of not running would seem like an eternity to her. She was so young, and so restless, it would drive her nuts to be stuck eating human food.

Sometimes, I still had the urge to eat it. The taste of chocolate was permanently etched into my brain, how sweet and thick it was, but I had tried it once, three years ago, and my vampire tongue did not take well to it. It tasted like cardboard.

I felt embarrassed to admit blood was now my chocolate. The most delicious substance in existence.

I stood still, absorbed in my thoughts now. Home was never this quiet, this calm. There was still the rustle of leaves in the breeze, and the birds chirping, and the quiet hum of cars on the highway. This was nothing like the house. We always had some sort of emergency or event. We ran out of milk for Jake and Renesmee, the upstairs sink was broken, that had to be fixed, or Alice had ruined an outfit. Emmett wanted to rematch me at arm wrestling, Edward wanted me to listen to his latest piano piece, or Esme needed help in the kitchen. Never calm. Only sort of quiet when Renesmee was sleeping. Here, there was no Renesmee begging if she could draw me, or Alice trying to get me to go shopping, or Emmett to tease me.