Fix Me

Chapter 18.

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"Hannah, have you stopped to think that maybe this guy just likes you but he's afraid you'll shoot him down like you do everyone else?" I looked at Xander questioning for about the hundredth time why I let Kristy bring him to the mall with us.

It was Wednesday evening. I had been getting at least one letter every day since Saturday, for some reason when I told Lyle he told me he wasn't too worried and he doubted the person was following me. Apparently the writer didn't 'show any crazy signs'. Uh, were letters to someone that didn't know the sender not a crazy sign anymore?

"Shoot down everyone? What are you talking about?" I asked as I shook my head when Kristy held up a red shirt for me to see.

She was trying to get me to 'add some life' to my wardrobe, but I had better things to spend money on. Like some food. We had been there for two hours and I still hadn't gotten to the grocery store because Kirsty saw a pair of shoes she liked, and then she saw a dress she liked, and the pattern went on...

He rolled his eyes. "You tell everyone to stay away from you, Hannah, maybe not be verbally, but you do that." He said.

"That's true." Kristy inserted. I shrugged taking the bag of chips from Xander's hand when he tilted it towards me. "I'm pretty sure this guy likes you, Hannah." Kristy sang.

I almost snorted in response but I managed to stop myself.

"Can we get what we came for now?" I asked.

They both glared at me and I found myself smiling at how perfect they were for each other.

"Hannah, he's probably -"

"So we keep shopping?" I cut Xander off.

"No!" He said quickly. I smirked. "I-I mean... Babe, isn't it time for a break?" He smiled at Kristy. She laughed and nodded.

"Take this off, Grim, you're making people stare at us weirdly." I glared at Kristy as she tugged my hood off before she grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the store. I frowned. Miguel had called me 'Grim' on Sunday because I had my hood covering my face and now no one was letting that go. "Hey! Isn't that the guy from the party?" I lifted my eyes and saw Damien and Elliot walking in our direction.

I froze for a second as Damien's eyes met my own, he lifted his hand but I looked down and pretended not to have seen him.

"Go talk to him." Xander nudged me gently.

"So, we were headed downstairs, right?" I mumbled.

"Hannah, come on, he's looking at you like a puppy you've abandoned." Kristy hissed.

"I've never had a puppy." I looked at her confused, she rolled her eyes as Xander chuckled.

"Oh well, let him go, she already has a guy." He said.

"What?" I looked at him.

"You're so dumb, Hannah." He mumbled ruffling my hair. I shoved him away from me.

"We still love you though." Kristy smiled, Xander agreed still trying to mess with my hair.

I let myself smile, a small part of me feeling like she actually meant it but that diminished pretty quickly, though I kept the smile on my face and nodded.

"Is he gone?" I asked.

"Long." Xander glanced behind us as I looked up.

I looked behind us to see Damien and Xander with some girls now, I felt a little jealous as Damien put his arms around her but I brushed it away. I never stood a chance with someone like him... Or anyone. I bit my lip turning back around.

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"Mom?" I called slowly as I walked into our dark house.

I switched the light on cautiously as I locked the door behind me.

"Gerald?" I called slowly.

No answers. Where were they? I sighed a little. I didn't really mind them not being here, it was that they would probably be drunk out of their minds when they came back and usually meant they were more aggressive.

I walked to the kitchen and packed the groceries I had bought with my payment from the club, Trey paid at the end of each month, I hadn't gotten a full salary since I hadn't been there the entire month. I finished putting the food away before I took some money out for my mom and Gerald. I didn't know where I was going to put the rest of the money yet, couldn't put it back in the attic.

I decided to just put it in my school bag until I had time to think about it since I had to clean before they got home.

I went to their room and placed the money on the bed where they would easily find it but paused when I saw some papers on the nightstand.

'Don't read it. You'll get in trouble.'The voice in my mind warned me, but stupid me ignored it and grabbed the page.

I ran my eyes over it reading it quickly. Lyle. She was trying to find him, and she knew he lived in our town at the moment. I figured that should probably tell her I found him... he said not to, but if she found out I hadn't told her... I knew if I told her after knowing so long, she would still be mad at me... I put the page down slowly and bit my lip staring at it. I felt trapped and it was making me increasingly scared as I stared at the page.

She was going to be angry no matter what I did. They were going to hurt me no matter what I did. And because it was him, it was going to be worse this time. She would be livid. I shut my eyes covering my face with my hands not knowing what to do.

'Maybe you should ask Lyle for help.' A voice popped into my mind.

No. He wouldn't care. He was like them. He'd agree with them and I'd have one more person who openly hates me. At least right now he was pretending not to...

I shuddered. What was I going to do?

*****

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