all mine | ft. michael clifford

fifteen;

SUPER DUPER LONG UPDATE BECAUSE WE HIT 3K READS AND I AM SO THANKFUL TO ALL OF YOU FOR READING.

Special POV: OLIVIA ACKLEY

I missed him. More than I ever thought I would. Every thought I had somehow traced back to him, every feeling, every word I heard. Everything reminded me of Ashton. And the worst part? It had only been 5 days. They were leaving for Australia in under a week and then they'd be off on yet another tour and I'd lose him for good. Surely he was bound to find some other girl while he was away. It would be a natural thing for him to do: move on. But was this what I really wanted? Did I want to just up and leave the idea of him and I forever? We were supposed to be. We were made to be. I guess some part of me didn't really see this as the end but rather a break – even though I'd told him that we were done. What the hell did 'done' even mean? Forever? For a little while? I didn't want it to be forever.

Oh god, what had I done?

"Liv?" A knock on my bedroom door startled me as I threw on a black sweater, ready for work.

It was Melissa; she had a key to my apartment in case of an emergency but she used all the time anyway instead of knocking and waiting for me to let her in.

"I'm decent," I called back to her, scanning myself in the mirror.

I was starting to hate the pink hair. It was just a memory of when things were good. Or at least better than they are now. Was that why Mali wanted to change hers?

"How are you feeling?" She asked me as though I was unwell.

I shrugged because I felt too many things at once. "I'd rather not talk about it."

This is what I'd been telling her every time she asked. I was beginning to think it would be best to just let her know how crappy I felt because then at least she wouldn't look so disappointed that I was shutting her out. But I didn't want to talk about it. Because talking about it would make it real.

"Do you honestly thinking keeping it all bottled up is good for you?" She challenged me.

I looked at her and she had her arms folded. We'd been best friends for years. This was how she looked when she was annoyed. Annoyed at me for what though? Being uncomfortable discussing the fact that I'd just ruined everything with Ashton?

"I'd rather bottle it than talk about it," I told her, putting my hair up in a ponytail. I kept my eyes on the mirror, refusing to look at her because I knew her eyes were pointing lasers.

"You wanted this, Liv," she told me, and her voice was gentle now. "You guys were miserable and never saw each other. Don't forget how you felt before you ended things."

Don't forget how you felt.

She was right, of course. But I was trying way too hard to convince myself that it had been a mistake to end things to actually take what she'd said on board.

"Do you really think I did the right thing?" I asked her, turning to face her front on. "Be honest, was there something else I could have done rather than walk away from him."

Even saying him made me want to cry.

She shrugged. "I don't know but it's useless dwelling on 'could-have-beens'."

I picked up my handbag off my bed and we both left my bedroom, heading out of my apartment towards her car.

"How's he doing anyway?" I asked.

I was scared of the answer. What if he was fine? If what we had was real, he wouldn't be fine. At the same time though, I didn't want him to be hurting. On the pier, when I'd walked away from him, the look on his face was traumatisingly sad.