Stork (SVU Fanfic)

Chapter Sixteen

~four months later~

I walk into my apartment and set my stuff down. As I go to find something to eat, I stumble upon old tins of baby food. Again. This is the third time this week I've found things that were forgotten when the kids moved out. Lizzie's notebook. Dickie's baseball glove. And now old baby food.

It seems like each day is getting harder. I keep finding old keepsakes - I guess you could call them - of my life from not so many months ago. I have not talked to any of the Stablers since they moved out, and I don't know if I ever will again.

The twins' room is a room I have refused to go in to for these months that have passed. But I do so tonight.

When I open the door, it looks emptier to me than anything has ever looked. I miss them. I miss their little arguments. I miss them having late night talks that I would overhear when Eli was fussy.

Eli. I miss him the most.

I lean my back against the door and feel heat behind my eyes. My hand shoots to my mouth to stifle my sobs. It doesn't work. My tears fall faster than the rain does outside.

Before I know it, I have my keys in the ignition of my car and I'm speeding through the streets. It doesn't take long to get to the Stabler residence but it feels like an eternity. Without even trying to park close - since I know I'm going to get soaked anyways - I get out and run up to the front door. My fist bangs against the wood until it opens.

Immediately, I'm in a tight embrace that I know can only be Elliot's. He has me inside and out of the rain.

"What's going on?" he asks. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I...d-don't kn-now! I just...I...I can't do it anymore! I hate my empty house and my boring job and my life! I..." Whatever else I was going to say gets lost in my sobs. I just want him to hold me. And thankfully, he has no objections.

"Shh..." he coos in my ear. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

"But it's not!" I cry in to his chest, tears mixing with rainwater. "I pushed you away. I pushed my job away. I pushed everything away! And for what? For nothing! I-I..."

Elliot holds me tighter, and I'm so thankful for it. But then I fight his hold. When he releases me, I ask, "The kids! Where are the kids?!"

"Their grandmother's. They'll be back tomorrow morning."

"I want them! I need to talk to them!"

"Liv, they'll be back tomorrow," he tells me calmly, holding me by the sides of my face. "Come on, let's get you changed."

He shifts so he's got an arm over my shoulders, pushing me to his bedroom.

I change into his NYPD shirt, which comes to my mid-thigh, which is good enough for me. I steal a pair of Maureen's shorts to wear just in case. They fit fine, which I find surprising for some reason; I figured they'd be too small.

My hair is still damp, but my cheeks aren't. He snuggles me up on the couch with a blanket and tea. He makes it just how I like it, which surprises me. He only ever made my coffee.

"How did you know I like my tea like that?"

"I've watched you enough. 'It's not coffee, its tea!'" he mimics.

I roll my eyes, feeling a weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach.

Elliot sits next to me.

"So was there a particular reason for your breakdown tonight? Out of all nights?"

I shake my head. "I dunno. Maybe. I went into the twins' old room and it just...why was I so stupid?! I wanted to move in. I wanted to be part of a family. But I'm just..."

"The offer was never off the table. Neither was our friendship or whatever the hell you call it. You should know that. I would never turn away from you."

"I know that when you're sitting right next to me. When you're not, I lose all common sense I thought I had. What's wrong with me, El? I just..."

"You're stubborn. And a human being. Nothing wrong with you at all, Liv. You've gotta stop thinking the worst. It's not going to help you, ever."

I nod. "It's just so hard. I've never been able to trust anyone. I never had a family, I never grew up with childhood best friends that I planned my weddings with. I was alone."

"But you aren't anymore, don't you see that?!" Elliot asks. He takes me by the cheeks again. "You never were. And you never have to be. I will spend the rest of my life making sure you get everything you deserve."

"Why?" I ask. "What did I do to-"

"You saved my family! W-"

"I didn't save Kathy."

"Nobody could save Kathy. If I really wanted to, I could have called her. But I didn't. WP could've told her. They didn't. You didn't even find out I was alive until after I was dead. Nobody can blame you. But you saved my kids. And did everything up could for them and loved them as much as they needed to be. I can never pay that debt back to you, but I sure as hell am going to try. If you let me."

He locks his ocean blue eyes on me. I can tell I will never get out of this. Whether I want to or not. But luckily, I don't want to. Slowly, my head moves up and down.

And then he pulls me to him, his lips on mine.

It's nice at first, but then the kiss grows hungrier, more urgent. I push him a little so I can move him back and I can lie over him. He holds my waist and keeps me steady.

It's just kisses. That's all it is. But it's so meaningful and wanted. So needed. When air becomes an issue, we pull away from each other, but Elliot still allows me to lie with him, my head on his chest. That steady and strong heartbeat I've never heard. I feel myself drifting, but still hearing the heartbeat. Oh, isn't it...the...most...relaxing thing?

Before I know it, it's morning, and I've woken up from a sleep I don't remember entering. Until I realize I'm lying on Elliot, tangled in his arms. My body reacts before I know that I'm okay and can relax, but that's probably because someone's talking that isn't Elliot.