You Left Me | l.h.

Those Stupid Words

Lena's POV

The bathroom was confining me, I needed air, so I left. I shouldn't have, because now I'm lost in New York. Luckily Lisa lives in a one story house, so the fall wasn't too bad. Just some bruised palms, and a blow to my dignity when people on the street saw me.

I can't remember which way I went when I jumped out the window, and now I feel empty and numb. The news was so much. Piling on top of my like a landslide of mud. I didn't know that my best friend was a foster kid, let alone that she was being watched. What kind of friend does that make me?

I turn the corner and see a coffee shop near by. I decide to go in and ask for directions, I've been wandering for a couple hours now. My feet are killing me. As I walk a pass a couple on a bench, "I love you." The man says to the woman. "I love you too." She smiles back, kissing his cheek.

I stomp my foot, feeling envy. I can't say that even if I tried, no matter how much I try those stupid words won't come out. I'm sure of it. I want to love Luke, but I don't really know what love is. How am I supposed to say "I love you" if it's technically meaningless to me?

The couple spots me stomping, and stare at me. I roll my eyes, and walk into the coffee shop.

Everything is annoying.

The first thing I hear is a guy talking to one of the baristas.

"She's probably like 5'4 and she's really pretty, dark brown hair and she'll most likely be wearing a green coat with a fuzzy collar. Ooh! And high heels! Like really high white ones. So she'll be taller than 5'4." The guy explains. The guy is Calum, and he's describing me. The barista looks and me and then back at Calum, "I think she's right there." He says blankly.

Calum turns around and runs over to me. "Where have you been? We've looking for you for like 3 hours!" He exclaims. "Sorry." I say taking a deep breath. "I just needed to think." I finish. "D-don't apologize, it's okay. Luke told us about the letter and stuff." He responds. My mind runs back to the letter, Maya's words ringing through my ears. "I don't have much time left, they're watching me."

My eyes start to well up again, and I sniffle. "Aw, don't cry." Calum says hugging me. I wrap my arms are his cold tan neck breathing a shaky breath. "I just feel like the worst friend ever. And the worst girlfriend ever. And the worst person ever!" I croak. "Don't say that." He says holding my back. "You're not." He adds quietly.

"C'mon let's get you to a taxi, you circled around. We're pretty close to the hotel." Calum tells me. I nod sniffing, as he leads my outside. "Where are the rest of the guys?" I sniffle. "We were all looking for like two hours, but Luke was getting really scared and worried. So I told him I'd find you. And I didn't think I actually would so this is cool." He explains, slightly laughing at the end. I give a small smile in response, but imagining Luke worried about me makes me feel guilty for not returning the sweetness he treats me with.

Somehow despite Calum's gray and black outfit blending in with the cars and melting snow, he whistles down a taxi, and we jump inside.

"Sorry I started crying again." I blurt out in embarrassment. "It's fine, do you want to talk about it?" He says quietly. I nod and sigh, "It's just that...everything Mrs. Snyder said, or Lisa, whoever she is. I don't know any of it, I was supposed to be Maya's best friend and I didn't even know she was a foster kid." I explain.

"And then she said people were watching her. Does that mean a group of people killed her?! Or just one?! I don't know anymore Calum. It feels like my whole body is numb with this weird emptiness. Just like it did when we first found out."

Calum breathes out a long sigh before answering, "It was hard for all of us really. I mean, losing a friend because they died, it's something we never experienced before. Other than our parents, it's not like we could relate the dark feeling to anything else." He begins. "But I can't imagine what it was like for you. And I respect you for how well you're taking it." He says with a small smile. "How well I'm taking it? I cried off all my makeup and got lost in New York for 3 hours. If you that's taking it well, I'd like to see what not taking it well looks like." I say laughing slightly.