If only I knew then // phan

Pulling a trigger is hard to do.

Phil's POV *Trigger Warning*

I was on the train when I heard someone shout my name. My head jolted up and I saw a girl that went to my school, she had a suitcase but it looked like no guardian.
"Hi, Mary."
"Hi. What are you doing with that duffle bag?" She walked over to me and sat in the empty seat next to me,
"I'm leaving."
"Why?"
"I need too." I really didn't want to explain my life story on a train with at least 50 more people. "Why are you leaving?"
"I can't stand anyone at our school." I had witnessed her being called names by the other girls, I thought those were jokes. "I mean those girls bug the hell out of me. Made me almost pull the trigger."
"Wow. I'm so sorry, I wish I had known."
"I should be apologizing, I saw them beat you up everyday and I just laughed because everyone else was."
"I deserve it. My motto is no one deserves pain. But me."
"When is the last time you cut?"
"Excuse me?"
"You tell me you get beat up everyday and you don't cut? Lies."
"Yesterday. Why do you care?"
"Because I care about you."
"Don't."
"Why?"
"I'm not worth it. I'll never be worth it. I don't deserve love, affection, life. I'm just selfish for sticking around. I'm a mistake."
"Wow. I'm sorry. Well it looks like we have stopped. Bye Phil, stay strong."
"Sure. Bye Mary good luck." And she walked off the train only a few minutes later I did. I was walking down the street when someone yelled my name and it sounded they were running toward me. Only Dan knew where I was going. He told dad. That lil' shit told my fucking dad. I started running up the street, as fast as I could until I couldn't hear foot steps behind me. I looked behind me to see PJ and Chris were the ones running after me.
"I can't go back there." They finally caught up with me and all of us were out of breath. When I noticed someone poke me, I turned around to see Dan with head down.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
"I'm here for you." He grabbed my hand and I yanked it away.
"GET YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS OFF ME!" He looked hurt. I don't care anymore. Pj started to explain,
"He loves you!"
"And I don't love him." I was still looking into Dans watery eyes. He looked extremely hurt.
"Phil, please don't do this. I came to London for you. I was going to leave my family and education for you. Please Phil."
"Bye." He grabbed my hand again, he was crying very hard.
"Please *sob* Phil don't *sob* leave."
"Bye." And I shook his hand off. I moved in between Chris and PJ and went back down the street. Fuck Dan. He may be the hottest boy, the most popular, and whatever else he is but I I won't let him play with my emotions. He's not my daddy and I'm not his dolly. I continued to walk until I found the apartment I bought. Only 2 hundred pounds. Not bad. Fuck life. I should have just taken the pills. Should have pulled the trigger. Cut up. Hung. I don't care, I'm done.

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