BTS imagines

J-hope- At Last

I was about to walk through the gate when I heard my name being shouted. I turned around to see what's going on and I saw J-hope running towards me like a beheaded chicken. He got slower and finally walked up to me immediately leaning in for a kiss.

"Whoa, hold your horses." I laughed at my pun before realizing that I was supposed to be serious.

"Please, forgive me."

He was begging with teary eyes. But I just scanned him coldly.

"For what?"

People started gathering around and pushing us, we were blocking their way. He grabbed my arm before I was able to say no and moved me out of the way leaving the gate, which I was supposed to be walking through at the moment, behind my back.

"For leaving you."

He said it and I swear, I could also feel him cringe. He never agreed when it came to mistakes, it was either my fault or something never happened.

"That's it?"

I didn't want to get too much in this talking. I was already over him, spending this time again with him, was just wasting it. He looked meagerly hurt by my words. But I wanted him to understand how I felt when he did this to me.

"J-hope? I brought you dinner..."

I was greeted by total silence. I looked around, but no one was home. He always left his shoes by the door and now they weren't were. I sadly realized that I will be spending this evening by myself. Being alone started to be a routine of mine, since now he almost never came home before midnight.

I walked in to the kitchen and put all of the bags on the counter. My sight came back echo. I didn't even bothered to turn on the lights. And what for? There was no one to see here.

I walked to the where the table was supposed to stand and tried to find a chair with my hands. Dark didn't make me feel sad, it was all the way around, as long as I couldn't see how reality actually was, I could imagine being with someone.

I leaned on to the table, basically throwing myself on to it. And started sobbing. I stood strong for so long this loneliness was the last drop in to my patience cup. I loved J-hope so much I was ready to give up all of my time just to be with him a bit more. But even that wasn't enough.

We became strangers, after barely seeing one another. Strange sound reached my ears and I recognized key twirling in the door lock. I remembered leaving my keys on the other side, so J-hope was probably unable to open it up. I found my way to the hall and finally turned on the lights.

As I guessed the key was in the lock, I took it out and opened the door. J-hope's fist was so close to my head my heart stopped beating for the second. He took down his hand out of embarrassment and mumbled sorry. He was about to knock, luckily I didn't open the door one second later.

He just walked past me, like I was his doorman.

I came back to reality, where J-hope was shaking me, asking to wake up.

"J-hope, let me go."

I commanded, for a second he didn't want to listen, but when I just harshly took his hands off of me.

"But I am sorry."

I wanted to turn around and hug him, forgive everything and take blame on to myself if needed. But I didn't. I felt proud for being strong enough and just walking away.

"You weren't sorry back then."

It was like he just got hit by a bus. He took the few steps back, but didn't let me out of his sight. I looked as him for as long as I could before my filled up with tears.

"I should have never left you."

He whispered to himself and turned around leaving me stunned. I heard his words, but he was unaware of that. I saw him slowly walking away from me. I was having an inner battle and each second the winning side would change, it was either that I walk away, get on the plane and fly away as planned.

Or run to him, pull him in to a hug and never let him go.

"You were practicing?"

I asked casually hoping to get answer. He looked tired and frustrated.

"Yeah."

It was very short and not very nice answer, but I took it as a good sign. He didn't talk much lately, so even that seemed like a step forward and not backwards.

"I have dinner."

I said and awkwardly smiled. I had no idea where did the connection I felt when we met disappeared.

"Listen...we have to talk."

It didn't seem like he was actually in a mood for talking, like he was more forced, left with no other chance than just to waste his breathe on talking with me. I nodded and set down in front of him. He pulled his chair closer to the table and put his elbows on to it.

"Okay."

I tried to encourage him start talking, since couple of minutes past and he just kind of started at me with dead expression.

"I have to leave."

"WHAT?"

It wouldn't have been surprising. At all. He had his job and it made him go somewhere every few months leaving me, well, alone again. But I got used to it. However I wasn't stupid, I knew something else was going on.

It was almost our anniversary and he never, NEVER, missed it.

"I'm leaving, forever. I'm sorry, but we have to break up."

I now remember how broken I felt. But I wasn't scared and I would have never admitted that I was broken either.

I clearly understood, we weren't together for a long time now. It was nothing, definitely not a relationship, but it still made my fear more real. Fear of losing him. I wouldn't get to see him very often, but when I did...all the dark moments went away.

Was I supposed to run away from them like a coward from now on?

"I love you."

I whispered, I couldn't remember the last time I told him that.

"I love you too, but I'm leaving. Nothing is going to change."

He stood up and walked out. I wanted to follow him, but instead I just went to a bedroom. No, I didn't throw myself on to the bed out of misery. I went and opened his closet. All of his thing were gone. He was preparing for it.

"I love you J-hope."

I said to him as I hugged him from behind just before he was able to reach the door. He made his decision, but I had my choice too. Love is pain and I was ready to overcome any obstacle in our way.

"You have a flight to catch."

"I have to leave."

I agreed.

"I had to leave too."

"But you came back."

I reminded him and he smiled.

"Will you come back?"

"At any cost."

theBabelle