Absolute Zero (A Stiles Stilinski/Teen Wolf Fanfiction) [4]

Chapter 12 - Vulnerable

Everything feels like it's slowly starting to fall apart. I feel like I'm drowning and there's nothing for me to grab onto. Maybe it's because usually Stiles is my something I hold onto. I hate the way I've left things with him. I know that he's just trying to look out for me, and I appreciate that more than anything. It's just I have so much to figure out about myself before I can share myself with another person. I miss him like hell every night when I reach over in my bed and feel nothing but the void of where he used to sleep. I miss the person he was before the Nogitsune took over his body. I miss the person I was before too.

I need to be strong for myself before I can be strong for him again. That's why I ditched school to train with Argent. Learning from him takes my mind off of everything happening with Stiles. It helps me focus on the task at hand; keeping my friends alive.

Even though I was reluctant, Chris had talked me into learning how to use guns. All I could think about as he held up a simple handgun was my father shooting a similar one into Brittany's leg the night of the full moon. It made me miss my father more than ever, even if he wasn't actually my father all this time. He raised me, helped teach me how to kick someone's ass but know right from wrong. I just need to know if he truly believed that I was his daughter. I hope he did.

"It's gonna have a little kick," said Chris as I aimed the handgun he gave me at a target against the back wall. "But try not to jerk when you shoot or you'll miss the target,"

I held the gun firmly in my grip, the metal barrel cold against the skin of my fingers. I narrowed my eyes at the target Chris had placed about thirty feet away, aligning the gun accordingly. I placed my index finger over the center of the trigger, taking slow breaths to keep me focused. I didn't even feel the kick when I fired, maybe it's because I'm stronger than the gun. The bullet had missed about a foot from the very center of the target, but I was pleased for my first attempt.

"Not bad," said Chris.

We continued practicing, using different guns so that I could get used to all of them. I still prefer knives, but I understand how useful guns can be when it comes to the supernatural. I don't think I'd be able to take down a berserker with just a dagger, no matter how strong I've gotten.

"Guns are all about distance," said Chris. "That's what gives you an advantage. You don't have to be close to attack,"

I began to wonder that if I picked up a bow and arrow, would Chris feel the same way as I had when he had the handgun? Is that why he's offering to help me in the first place, because I'm a surrogate for Allison? I'd be lying if I said he wasn't filling the fatherly role I've so lacked. We've both lost so much, and working together almost feels like compensation. As if we're doing something about our losses.

I still refuse to accept Peter as my father. I don't care whose blood I have running through my veins, I will never be his daughter. It's almost beginning to feel as if I never even had a mother at all. She feels so different to me now. She's not the person I thought she was.

Chris and I were taking a break from the training, since we'd been at it for hours. We were sitting at a metal table, him stocking bullets while I wrung my hands together. I swear that sometimes when I look at him I see my father's face. I wonder if he ever sees Allison in me. I miss them both so much, now more than ever.

"I tried to save her, you know," I said. He should know. I need him to know that I tried.

"What?" He questioned, giving me a confused look.

"Allison," I said. Saying her name out loud made chills run up my spine. I could hear his heartbeat pick up. "I tried to sacrifice myself in order to bring her back, but I was too late."