One Night With Zayn & Nine Months With His Baby

Chapter Thirty Five: Too Much, Too Fast

   The next morning, waking up to the light seeping through the curtains was extremely different from waking up to feed Nathan. The first thing I saw was Zayn's face, which I did every morning. But it was different this time. It was carefree. I was worry free. It was just like before Nathan. I didn't love it all too much.
   I sat up and clutched the sheets to my naked body. At some point during the night, I had ended up with the bedsheets and Zayn had kept the comforter, which made it so much easier to take the sheets with me.
   I stood slowly and carefully so that I didn't wake him and walked over to the bathroom. Seeing my reflection in the mirror, I realized how strange I looked. I didn't look like the same girl that I was before Zayn and Nathan. I looked older, more worn out. I had dark shadows beneath my eyes, and my actual eyes were bloodshot.
   I sighed as I walked back into the room to find the bags that Zayn had packed for us. We had gone straight to bed the night before so I hadn't gone through them yet. They were just at the foot of the bed, which I hadn't even noticed before. I reached down for the one which I assumed was mine and opened it, finding my toothbrush and some toothpaste quickly.
   "Hey, beautiful."
   I jumped a little and fell back onto my butt.
I heard Zayn shuffle quickly. "Are you okay?"
I nodded and laughed. "I'm fine. You scared me, is all."
I watched him stand from the bed and offer me his hands. I hesitated to give him both my hands, so I only stretched out one so that I could keep hold of the blanket around me.
He pulled me up and then brought me close to him so that his arms were wrapped around me. "You know you don't have to hide from me."
I held his face between my hands and smiled. "It's just weird sometimes. I'm not used to it yet. I mean, I have a son and I've only had sex about what? Three times?"
   He nodded. "Something like that," he said seductively, leaning in to kiss me.
   I kissed him back, loving the way it felt when we did. It was like no other feeling. And it didn't take much to know how much I loved him. It was real, loving him.
   I let him take my hands in his, the sheet that had been covering me falling to the ground around our feet.

That afternoon we checked out of the hotel and went straight home. I felt as though that one night was something we both needed. Being with each other and just each other was hard with a baby and four other housemates. We wouldn't have traded it for anything, but sometimes it did get overwhelming.
Harry greeted us at the door and held it open for us. "You're back. How was your night?" He shot a wink in our direction as he closed the door behind us.
Zayn chuckled. "It was great. How about your night with Nathan?"
"Not too bad. I think he was missing you guys. He was getting a little fussy. But he slept almost all through the night."
My eyebrows shot together. "He did?"
It made me sad to think that my son had cried while we were gone. It made me feel selfish as well that our night out had caused him suffering. I walked further in to see Liam on the sofa with Nathan in his arms.
The first thing I did was reach my own arms down to my son. "Hey Liam," I said as he handed him over. "Hey, baby. I missed you."
Nathan's eyes opened immediately after having heard my voice. He started to kick from what I imagined was excitement. He recognized me. He was happy. Tears brimmed my eyes as I held him close to me. My son knew that he was my son. He loved me.
Zayn came up behind me. "Hey Nathan. How's it going?"
Nathan's kicks became all the more powerful upon hearing his father's voice. I handed Zayn his son and then wiped the tears from my eyes. Simply knowing that Nathan had been fussy all night and seeing him in Zayn's arms stirred up some emotions that I didn't even know how to describe.
"Are you alright, baby?" Zayn asked, concern in his voice.
I nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I just missed him, is all."
I saw Louis come down the hallway and smiled. The reached out to hug me and I hugged him back. "It felt like forever since I'd seen you guys."
I smiled. "As in, since yesterday."
He pulled back a little to look me in the eyes. "Were you crying?"
"Yeah, just a little," I said, laughing nervously. "I missed it here. I missed Nathan."
I had to squint a little to see Louis clearly, and then I closed my eyes. Once I opened them, I could see a bit less, black dots scattered about clouding my vision. My head felt lightheaded.
I held on to the fabric of Louis' shirt.
"Riley, are you alright?" He asked.
I felt my knees give out, but he was quick to catch me. "Whoa. Hey. What's wrong?"
"Riley? Hey, baby. Talk to me," I heard Zayn say. I felt his hands on the sides of my face.
I wanted to speak, but I couldn't get the words out. I could hardly think. I didn't know what was happening.
I think they took me to the sofa, but after that, my memory fails me.

   I don't know how much time later I woke up, but thankfully I was in my own bed. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Zayn at the foot of the bed with Nathan in his arms. I smiled at the sight. I never got tired of seeing the two of them together.
   Zayn must have noticed that I was awake because he placed Nathan in his crib and turned to me, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through my hair. "How do you feel?"
   "I feel fine," I told him. I did feel fine.
   He sighed. "You passed out. Do you remember that?"
   I thought about it and nodded. "I remember holding onto Louis."
He sighed. "I called your doctor. He said that most likely your body was exhausted. It wasn't wrong of us to have had sex or anything but we might've done too much, too fast for your body. Last night we had a good night's sleep but after this morning you didn't get to rest and then you hardly ate."
I didn't love what he was saying, but I knew that Dr. Bryand was hardly ever wrong. If he said that I'd overexerted myself, I believed him. "I'm sorry."
Zayn sighed and shook his head. "You don't have to feel sorry for anything. I feel sorry for having forced you in the first place."
My eyebrows pulled together instinctively. "You didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to as much as you did, Zayn."
"I should've been more careful," he said, holding my hand in his.
I squeezed his fingers tight. "If I had felt bad at all I would have told you. But I felt fine. I felt great. It was a great night, Zayn, and I'd do it again if I could."
"I love you," he told me, his eyes sad.
"Smile, won't you? I'm fine. I love you. Nothing's your fault here."