Falling Again (For You)

Chapter 12

It's Patrick's turn to drive tonight. The road they were taking was straight, but there were cliffs on either side of them that every time a car drove by, his hand would tense around the steering wheel. He's sure he's probably rubbed the skin raw from clutching the wheel so hard but he's scared to take his eyes off the road to check.

The only thing that's honestly keeping Patrick awake was the constant anxiety and the soft lull of the CD that Pete had slipped in before he fell asleep. He doesn't know who it is but he's heard Pete playing it before so it's a little comforting to him. The sound, however, slowly dies indicating the end of the CD. It's completely silent in the car for a few seconds before he hears rustling from the back of the car. He quickly slips his eyes to the rear view mirror to see Joe shifting around, the blanket having been kicked to the corner of his feet. Patrick can just barely make out the look of terror on Joe's face.

He tries to ignore it, thinking that Joe might just be having a bad dream, but he soon hears crying. He shifts his gaze back to the rear view mirror, and Joe's began crying in his sleep. He can see that his chest is moving up and down quickly. He pulls over but there's not much space to park. One tire is hanging half off of the edge and Patrick's about to have a heart attack but he can't stand seeing Joe in that much distress.

He slides the door open as quietly as possible, and shakes Joe's shoulder. It takes a few seconds, but Joe soon wakes up, a scream getting caught in his throat. He looks at Patrick, dazed and disoriented, tears still running down his cheeks.

"P-Patrick?", Joe says, or tries to say.

His throat is still raspy from sleep.

"Hey.", Patrick says, offering a warm smile, well the warmest one he can offer at like three in the morning.

He rubs Joe's shoulder, trying to offer some form of comfort and warmth.

"Did you want me to drive?", Joe says.

He notices the tears and quickly wipes them away, embarrassed that the other is seeing him in such a vulnerable state. Patrick tries not to notice, it's not like he hasn't seen Joe cry before. He remembered when Joe called him at four in the morning because the nightmares-like the ones tonight but so, so much worse- had kept him up for days, and his eyes were blood shot from lack of sleep and crying. Patrick remembers when he had to pick Joe up from his therapy session because his hands were shaking so much that he couldn't hold onto anything. There were so many nights where secrets were passed in complete darkness, so many nights when Patrick knew that they'd be with each other through thick and thin and this night isn't any different from those.

"No, of course not. It's just... Are you having nightmares again?"

Joe stares at his hands that are tightly clasped together. He really doesn't want to get Patrick involved in his stupid past and memories, he already has enough on his plate.

"I'm ok.", he says, his voice still slightly shaking a little, doing nothing to help convince Patrick that he was fine.

"You haven't been taking your medication have you.", Patrick asks.

But it's more of a statement than a question, and Joe knows that there's no point in lying to him.

"They make everything dizzy and grey, and I've been feeling fine without it, better even.", Joe says, trying to convince Patrick...or maybe himself.

He hates taking the medications. He always feels so dragged down by them, and he doesn't want to feel so dependent on them anymore. He wants to be okay, he wants to be normal.

Patrick sighs, "When did you stop taking them?"

Joe's shoulder drops, "I haven't taken them in a week."