Falling Again (For You)

Chapter 15

It's a quiet drive from the airport back to the hotel Andy and Pete would be staying at for the next two days. They really didn't have all that much money to afford it because they spent what little they had earned on the plane tickets, but The Academy had so kindly offered and the label insisted on paying for it, so much so that it didn't seem fit for them to object. They didn't want to either, because weeks of being crammed and forced to sleep in that tiny van was going to drive them crazy.

"I envy them being able to sleep in their own beds tonight.", Andy says as he drops his bags onto the carpeted floor.

"We haven't bought new mattresses in years, the hotel ones are much better.", replies Pete.

Andy agrees as he stretches out on the clean sheets, suddenly overcome by how overwhelmingly tired he was. All the worrying about Patrick and Joe, and unfit sleeping conditions hasn't really given him a full night's rest since they've left.

"I haven't seen Joe like that in a long time. It worries me thinking about the old habits he'll fall back into if we don't figure this out. You guys haven't seen it like I have. I spent months with him in that hospital.", Andy says quietly.

"You didn't see how bad it got for Patrick either, the aftermath you saw as he spent the week with you, but I held his still body as I waited for the ambulance to come. It didn't matter if what I felt at the time was real love, all I knew was that I cared about this boy, the only one whom cared about me, and he laid dead in my arms.

But him and Joe are brave. Did I think Patrick was going to make it? Maybe I should've known, but I only thought about how the last conversation we had was one filled with anger and despair. I know they'll be okay, I don't know how long it'll take, but they've always found their way out of the dark."

There's no more words exchanged as Andy gets up to brush his teeth and slip under the covers for the first full night sleep he'll get. But all Pete can do is replay Patrick's words in his head. He believes every word he told his friend, but he can't help but feel that there can only be so many trip ups before even the doctors inability to fix what's long been broken.

*

Patrick's decided to meet with some old friends as he waits for Joe's appointment. His doctor said that it'd be a rather long one because they were going to figure out exactly what to do for the remainder of the tour. Whether it's switching medication or having to cancel the tour all together, Patrick was willing to do any of it for the well being of his friend. There would be no debate about that at all.

The bell above the door of the restaurant he's sitting in rings and he's taken out of his world of thoughts, brought to the attention of the man who's just come in. He waves and quickly comes over, enveloping the boy in a hug.

"It's been forever, I feel."

Patrick chuckles, "I saw you before I left, Frank!"

"Three weeks is too long for my poor lonely soul.", he says as they both sit down together.

"We need to find you a girlfriend or boyfriend soon, before you get too desperate."

Frank laughs, "Thanks for looking out for me."

They talk about the tour for a while, but the inevitable question about why they're really there is finally brought up by Frank himself. Patrick wasn't going to, in fact, he was going to try avoiding it as long as possible.

"What about yourself, Patrick? How are you holding it up.", he asks sincerely.

Patrick looks down at the cup of coffee radiating warmth in his palms, he lets out a soft laugh, "Everyone's been so worried about me, we couldn't see the clear distress offered by my best friend. He's having a harder time than the tantrums I'm holding, I can't pretend to care right now about anything but Joe."

Frank's heard this all too many times, the self deprecation that Patrick brings onto himself, belittling his own problems. But he tries not to push him too hard, afraid he might push back harder, shutting him off completely.

"You can worry about Joe, but how are you going to take care of him when you can't take care of yourself, Patrick? When was the last time you had a full meal?"

He scoffs, "Why does everyone always assume that I'm trying to starve myself?"

"Because you haven't given us a reason not to."

It's harsh words, but Frank knows that it's what he needs to hear. He needs to understand that he doesn't have all the control he thinks he has, none of them do.

"Patrick, you can't take care of Joe if you're in some hospital with a tube down your throat. He needs you, and you need to make sure that you're well enough to be there for him. And if you can't, having you by his side will only worsen the well being of both of you."

Patrick replays the conversation shared between him and Frank that night as he lay in his own cold bed. Even though he wasn't his psychiatrist anymore, there were still moments when Frank would give him these talks as if he was still sitting across from him on the leather chair in his office. But he was right, how can he help Joe through this time of confusion if his own head is a mess of darkness and instability.

His best friend needs him, and he can't even find the strength to lift his arm and reach out.