crack the shutters. | larry & niam.

Chapter 15 - What the...?

I kind of got a writer's block about this one, but I hope you like this chapter. :))

---------------------

Niall tossed around in his bed, he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. He wanted to sleep to forget his worries for a short time, but his worries kept him awake; it was a vicious circle.

He groaned as he pressed his pillow against his face, burying his face in it. The thoughts in his mind were spinning so fast that it got him headache; he would give anything for them to stop, but he couldn’t.

Niall pressed his hands against his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the voices.

Go cut yourself fat pig, you know you deserve it.

You are too fat to have an eating disorder.

Pathetic little attention whore.

Tears were burning in his eyes, and Niall let out a quiet sob, so quiet that Laura wouldn’t hear it. Niall hated his life, he hated that the medicine that blocked out the voices and the mental pain caused him physical problems, mostly pain. It was an endless circle; he’d be in pain either way.

There was a knock on Niall’s door, and he quickly wiped away the tears and pulled the covers over him again, covering his arms, and Laura stepped into the room, smiling at her nephew.

“How are you feeling?”, she asked as she walked over to Niall, looking at him in concern. She was worried about him; he had been acting weird lately.

“I’m okay.”, Niall replied, feeling terrible. Laura looked at him and sat down on the edge of Nialls bed, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “It’s okay to be sad, Niall. No need to be ashamed for It.”, she said in a soft voice, and Niall nodded.

“I’m okay, really. I just need a little more rest, then I’ll be fine.” But Niall knew this wasn’t true. He would never be fine. He had no idea how fine felt like; he’s been depressed since he can remember, and everything that happened in his life before the police knocked on his door, taking him to England because his mother’s dead were just blurry images. Niall couldn’t tell if he dreamed the memories, or if they were actual, real memories.

“Do you want me to make an appointment to see your therapist tomorrow?”, she asked but Niall shook his head. “I’m fine, trust me, just let me get some sleep, we’ll talk later, okay?” He looked at his aunt, and his blue eyes followed her every move as she stood up.

She grabbed the plate and sighed. “At least you finally ate something, you need to get some weight on those bones.”, she whispered as she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Niall thought about what she said. “You need to get some weight on those bones.” Was it that obvious that he lost weight? No, he didn’t lose weight, he gained weight, he could tell. His thighs were thick, his belly stuck out. He was fat, useless.

"I don't want to feel this way...", he whispered brokenly as he pulled the covers over him completely and buried his face deeper into his pillow, the tears running down his cheek, slowly soaking his pillow.

~

Louis stood up from the chair and walked into the hallway, slipping into his shoes. He decided to go over to Harry’s house, maybe he was up for a talk. Louis found out about Niall’s problem, now it was Harry’s turn. Even though Louis believed Niall was hiding something that he hasn’t told him, but he would find out soon. Louis always found out.

“Mum, I’m going over to a friend’s house for studies, I’ll be back later.”, he shouted into the house so he won’t get into trouble again and stepped outside. As he walked over to Harry’s house he pulled his coat closer to him since he was freezing. Autumn was cold this year, so Louis was dreading winter. But hopefully there’d be a lot of snow days.