Month Nine- Year Four

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Kirsite


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Sorrow. I look at his grave everyday, and think about our memories. He was not even one year old, when we lost him. Avi and I have not spoken of him since his funeral, and it shocked everyone. A child dying at 9 months, it hurts me to say so. I've been getting cramps again latley, and I'm praying I'm not pregnant. I have Placenta Previa, and death is an option during the pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Matthew, it hit me like a truck with the symptoms. Now, I know what to expect. I went to the hospital one day, just to make sure.


"My name is Kirstie Kaplan, and I'm here for a pregnancy test."


The woman smiles, and shows me to a room, and I sit and wait.


What if- I die during this one? How will Avi cope? I don't know, its hard to think.


My doctor comes in, and smiles at me.


"Kirstie? So- you think your pregnant?" She asks.


"Ya.. what about the Placenta Pregnancy part?"


"You'll just stay on bed-rest. You just fainted last time because you got married." She joked.


"Ya." I say.


She tests me real quick, and tells me she'll call me with the results.


I drive home, and stop at a red light, and think. If I have another child- what about Matthew's spirit? Thats all I think about. Matthew.


Everyone was so devestated. Scott, Mitch, Kevin, Kris. Their kids to. Peyton and Oliver did not know what was going on. When you get older, life gets harder, and everyone fades to quickly. If I could get that time back, I would. Every single day.


I get home, and Avi went to work. I did leave pretty early. I sit alone, and begin to weep. Matthew should have not passed away, and no baby can replace him. He never got to grow up! He never got to get married, or have kids of his own! Why?


I wail, and curl up in a tiny ball. I look down at my stomach, and say, "If you are in there, I promise i'll love you forever."


Then, the phone rings.


I scramble to it, and pick it up.


"Is this Kirstie?"


"Yes this is she."


"Well, congrats! Would you like to book your first appointment?"


"Yes- What about Thursday at 1ish?"


"Perfect! 1 it is! See you there!"


I hang up the phone, and smile.


I get to retry.



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I WENT TO TAYLOR SWIFT YESTERDAY AND I NOW HAVE SWIFTIE SYNDROME





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