control ;; phan

silence

-trigger warning?-
~*~
it's funny how
your own home
can scare you,
isn't it?
here i was,
trembling before
my own front door;
dreading the wrath
which awaited me.
what was i to do?
my only option was
to be brave;
to face what was
coming to me.
with that,
i opened the door
and entered pj and
i's flat.
and there he was,
amongst broken glasses
and furniture.
sitting on the edge of
a coffee table,
his hands joined in
what seemed like prayer.
at the sound of my
entrance, pj's head shot up.
"where the fuck have you
been?" he was on his feet
in a matter of seconds,
moving towards me at an
alarming pace.
"why the fuck were you
with howell?"
"peej, i can explain-"
pj's eyes – once
calm and welcoming –
were now filled with
rage;
with envy.
his hand raised and
i shut my eyes.
a numb pain
burned on the side
of my face.
tears slipped down
my cheeks as i dared
open my eyes.
pj was livid.
i shrunk back;
petrified.
"what, are you scared?"
slowly, i nodded.
"well,
goddamn right
you should be
scared of me."
the door closed behind
me and pj pushed me
forward.
"you're scum,
philip lester."
i was knocked to the
ground.
"you're a fucking
disgrace."
his foot found perfect
places all over my
body.
"pathetic-"
kick.
"worthless-"
kick.
"disgusting-"
kick.
"little-"
kick.
"shit."
his foot pushed me
over so that my back
was pressed to the
floor, his face visible
to me.
he crouched down
beside me, moving
his face so that his
lips could reach my
neck, his teeth pulling
at my skin.
"i could kill you now."
please do.
"oh, phil, i do love you.
you know that, right?"
i nodded, tears cascading
down my cheeks, small
droplets catching in my
eyelashes.
"don't you fucking dare
go behind my back again,
babe."
he pressed a kiss to my
cheek, and stood up before
exiting the flat and slamming
the door.
i lay in silence;
i could feel blood.
in too much pain to even
check, i just lay on the floor
and cried until i was too
exhausted to even remain
awake.