tried

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-phil's pov-
{trigger warning}
~*~
for dan's sake,
i tried to be happy.
i tried my hardest,
faking a smile whenever
he looked in my direction,
forcing laughs occasionally,
but i just couldn't keep up
with it all.
i found myself letting go
sometimes, and i think
dan noticed from the worried
looks he'd give me.
i did, however, feel much better
than what i did when i was
with pj; that was certain.
dan warmed my heart;
he caused butterflies to erupt
in my stomach whenever i saw
him; his smile made me melt.
but, as days trailed on, i grew
worse.
the world seemed bleak;
i felt numb.
only as i sat – cleaning blood
from the bathroom sink
and my body, hiding all
evidence of what had occurred –
that i came to realise that
he was the only thing
keeping me from
cutting any deeper.
even if he didn't realise it,
daniel james howell was
saving my life.

-
A/N: oops another filler chapter. I think there'll probably only be a couple of chapters left after this :o it's been amazing having you all read and share this story, honestly. I absolutely adore seeing your reactions in the comments! it's amazing how my words have done so much omg. Thank you all so much though, I'm incredibly grateful <3

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