ALL I NEED

Chapter 4.

CALUM'S POV!

Have you ever felt so alone, not physically, but mentally. Like you're a prisoner of your own mind, dead inside?

Don't get me wrong, I know I have people who care about me. I have a wonderful sister and nephew who mean the world to me, and some amazing friends. Both of which I probably don't deserve. But there are times really late at night, when the world is fast asleep, that's when I feel the ache of the loneliness the worst. It eats you away little by little. Like a bad sickness you just can't cure.

You become so damn lost in the darkness of being alone that you'd do anything to get rid of feeling like that. I've tried everything from drugs and alcohol to meaningless sex with girls I'll never care about. And it worked, for those brief moments when the high took over, but that never lasted long and honestly afterwards it felt worse, if that was even possible.

I don't know if I've always been this way, so fucked up, but its like as time goes on I just get worse and worse, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Maybe it was my parents dying or seeing my sister go through so much pain, or maybe it was having my heart crushed by the only girl I've ever loved, I don't even know at this point.

"What the hell is wrong with you, I just put Roland down for bed!" My sister, Mali whisper yells at me when I come in and slam the door.

I didn't mean to bust in like a mad man but damn I was just so fucking pissed off. I try and do one nice thing and this stupid ungrateful chick wasn't appreciative at all. What if I wasn't there to save her? I bet she has no clue what that nasty creep could've done to her if he got her alone. It was so obvious how innocent she was.

Sure I slept with a lot of girls, but they threw themselves at me. I would never force a girl to do something she didn't want to. Especially not after what happened to my sister.

"Nothing." I grumble, grabbing a water from the fridge.

"Okay, so you're just slamming doors and having an attitude for nothing?" Mali gives me the I'm-your-big-sister-I-know-you're-lying look. It was scary when we were growing up but now that she was a mom it was downright terrifying.

"Stupid fucking girl." I hiss, sitting down at the table.

"What girl?" She gives me a confused expression.

"Gabby's new roommate."

"You met her?" She asks, rather surprised.

"Yeah, unfortunately. I mean, who the fuck walks by themselves at a college party where anything could happen?" I rant, not thinking about what I was saying.

"Me."

"That's not what I meant, Mali." I tell her, instantly feeling guilty for my words.

"I know." She brushes it off but I know deep down I upset her. "What happened, Cal?"

"I spotted her standing alone and this dude just started harassing her pretty bad, then he grabbed her and I kinda just snapped..."

"Snapped?" She raises an eyebrow.

"I kinda told him I'd kill him if he touches her again, more or less." I trail off.

"Calum Thomas." She scolds me. "I mean, I'm glad you stuck up for her but don't you think that was a little extreme?"

"No...okay, maybe a little but just the thought of him doing anything to her made me insane."

She looks at me with soft eyes and I knew she was more worried then mad.

"Then she told her I wasn't her "fucking father." And called me an asshole." I put air quotations around her exact words.

"And let me guess you didn't do anything for her to say that right?" She looks at me skeptical.

"No. I just told her she shouldn't be so fucking stupid."

"Go apologize." She looks at me deadpanned.

"What?" I ask not believing her.

"You heard me. Go apologize. I know your intentions were good but you need to calm down. You probably scared her." She says seriously.

"Whatever." I mumble, realizing she's probably right.

"I'll go in the morning, I'm too tired tonight." I tell her getting up from my seat.

"You better or I'll make you potty train Roland all day tomorrow." She threatens, half-joking, half-serious.

"I love you, sis." I laugh.

"I love you too, Cal."