ALL I NEED

Chapter 29.

Lying there, our naked bodies tangled up in between the covers, I lean up to kiss the beautiful tan boy before me.

"I love you." I mumble, my head resting on his bare tattooed chest.

"Mhmm." He kisses me forehead. This was his normal response when I said the "L" word.

"Can I ask you something?" I look up at him.

"You can ask me anything, Love." His fingers twist around in my messy hair.

"Its just...how come you never say you love me back? I mean, I just feel like sometimes you mean more to me then I mean to you." I mumble nervously, hoping he doesn't take offense to anything I just said.

He stays quiet for a long time. Like he doesn't know how to put his thoughts into words. I know he has a hard time expressing his feelings, I've known that from the moment we met, but that doesn't make it any easier. I wish there was a way I could just understand what he's thinking.

"Because, love isn't concrete. It changes everyday, People fall in and out of love like leaves fall from trees in autumn. I'm afraid that if I admit that I love you out loud, I'll jinx what we have and I can't risk losing you. You mean more to me than anything else in the world to me and the thought of something happening to us scares the shit out of me..." His voice is raspy and I didn't even realize that I started crying until he wipes his thumb across my wet cheek.

"You know I struggle with all this mushy feeling stuff so if this sounds stupid you can't blame me." He sends me goofy smile. I just nod, motioning for him to continue.

"For a long time I dreaded waking up every morning. The days became like a living hell for me. I was in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I had so much guilt and blame held inside me that I didn't know how to cope so I did some really stupid shit. I started drinking all the time, I stayed out all night sleeping with random chicks, I would do anything to keep my mine off the hurt I was feeling, but nothing ever worked. Until you. Don't you get it, Kam? You've changed me. You made me realize life is so much more than the pain. You loved me when I couldn't love myself and I'll never be able to repay you for that. I care about you so much, and one day I will tell you I love you, just give me time okay?"

At this point his speech had me full on sobbing. Nobody has ever said anything like that to me before. He moves me so I'm sitting on his lap as he holds me.

"Hey...I didn't mean to make you sad. I'm sorry." He frowns.

"You didn't make me sad, you dork." I giggle at how cute he was.

"Good." He nuzzles his head into my neck.

"Okay, I have to go get get ready. Mali and I are going shopping." I tell him moving from his embrace.

"Noooo..." He groans, a pouty look coming across his face.

"Cal." I laugh, trying to move but he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer.

"Reschedule, please?" He say planting gentle kisses on my neck.

"Fine." I reluctantly give in, knowing there was no way I could say no to him. "But you're calling your sister and telling her you won't let me go."

"Yes, that's not a problem." He smirks, moving his body so he's hovering on top of me.

"You better have something good planned. I love shopping." I grin, biting my lip.

"Oh, this is way better then shopping." He winks.