Reveries and Musings

8

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

-- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Have you ever gone on any vacation, any kind of holiday? As a tourist, you're very eager to see this and to see that. You know that you probably won't come back to this place and so you're eager to see as much of it as you can.

But how many of you can truthfully say that you've actually, genuinely enjoyed a particular destination?

You've been so eager to take pictures, share them on social media, click the scene on a camera, that you've never bothered to capture the moment in your memory.

Have you ever just stood in a particular spot, closed your eyes, felt the wind rushing past your face or the sweet sun warming up your skin? Ever just stood to listen to the birds' songs, the crunching of leaves beneath their feet, as people walk past, or the waves crashing against the shore?

Have you ever simply felt a place, so much so that it moves your soul?

Probably not. I can truthfully admit that, at least, I haven't.

Maybe I've never had the chance, or maybe I never used one, even though it was right in front of my eyes.

Maybe it's the fact that everywhere that I've traveled to so far has been mainstream. I've always taken the road traveled more often, followed trails already made by others.

I've never tried to create a trail of my own.

Wanderlust. Something I think every person has in him. Sometimes, he's aware of it and at other times, not so much.

I'm a wimp when it comes to taking risks. Maybe that's why I've never allowed my desire for simply letting my heart lead me where it wants to, to take over. But I want to go places. Not just to all the ones people have always been to.

I want to carry a backpack with a few pieces of clothing, a journal, my passport and some money and simply go. I don't know where, how or when. I just know that I've got to go, to search for some solitude, to discover myself, and maybe to treat myself to a slice of heaven while I'm at it.

I want to stand at the edge of a cliff, look down with my breath lodged in my throat, to see the waves breaking on the rocks, and then, to jump. Jump straight into the deep sea, to go deep enough that I can see the magic of life underwater, and then to break free, gasping for air, even as I revel in the adrenaline rush of it.

I want to sit at the edge of an isolated building and watch the sunset without worrying about what I'm going to do the next day or where I'm going to stay for the night.

I want to sit in a pub, or a cafe, and observe people around me, to see what ticks them, to try and learn little secrets about them by their gestures, their actions.

I want to go to a farm, to live there and help with the morning chores and know what real hard work is like.

I want to lie down in a field surrounded by flowers, as I stare into the night sky, trying to form patterns with the stars.

I want to have a short, torrid affair with a stranger, and learn what it's like to fall in love and fall out of it.

I want to make sand castles at the beach and watch the waves sweep it away.

I want to dance in the rain to the music of thunder.

I want the wind to make my hair fly, and to make the flowers dance.

I want to discover new things by mistake, instead of visiting places that every tourist does.

I want to visit vineyards and taste every wine there.

I want to taste all kinds of cuisines or go scuba diving, hiking, or anything else even remotely daredevil.

I want to make a new friend, who doesn't understand me or the language I speak.

I want the sun to bleach my hair and to make the freckles on my nose stand out.

I want to taste every kind of food I can, till my stomach is about to burst and my jeans no longer fit.

I want to jump off a plane with only my parachute on my back and scream till I'm nearly deaf.

I want to dance in a land where I can't speak the language but can only speak with my eyes. I want to dance till my feet hurt and sing till my voice is sore.

I want to go to places where ghosts are believed to exist, to discover the undiscovered, explore the forbidden.

I want to go into forests and see animals I'd believed only exist in picture books.

I want to get into food fights, and crush grapes under my feet and find secrets in old forgotten palaces.

I want to run my hands along words carved into walls in ruins, and imagine the lives of people who lived there.

I want to go to battlegrounds and imagine the people who fought to save their country, their livelihood, their families, their honour, and wonder with awe about their brave deeds.

I want to lose myself and satiate my wanderlust.

I want to go to churches and sit on the pew, staring at the stained glass windows, wondering what ran through the artist's mind when he made it.

I want to fall in love over and over again. With myself, with nature, with life.

I want to live life on my own terms, live for myself. I want to experience what it feels like to really live.

I want to be perfectly imperfect, be a misfit, stand out where I should blend in.

I want to be different. Different enough to be noticed but not so much that I'm shunned.

I want to be free, mentally, emotionally.

I don't want to attach myself to something so much that it becomes a burden, a baggage I have to carry everywhere I go.

Once a year, I want to go someplace I've never been before.

But most importantly, I want to love myself with all my freckles, fat tummies, oversized jeans, chubby face, too long hair, big hands, small feet, and boring eye colours.

Because freckles show that I can brave the sun, fat tummies that I love to eat, to try out new things. My oversized jeans show my zest for life. My chubby face, too long hair, big hands and small feet, are the imperfections, proving that I'm human. The colour of eyes don't matter so much. What matters is the twinkle in them when I'm happy, the way they shine when I do what I love.

All that matters is that I'm doing what I want to, in a place that feels like home, with strangers who're more family than my own blood, at a time when I feel like I'm the luckiest person on earth.

Not because I'm rich, or pretty, or have all the luxuries I could ever want.

But because I'm at peace with myself and in love with my life.

For, sometimes, you need to lose yourself in order to find yourself.