Diary of an African child in Africa!

My Parents

"Spare the rod, you spoil the child"

Lml Yes I'm going to start with how I used to get my ass whooped as a child.

My parents weapon of choice was a sjambok (a type of whip in Africa). I wasnt even a naughty kid aye, I just used to get punished a lot for my siblings mistakes. It wasn't fair or anything but I just took my ass whooping and went on with my life because arguing with an African parent would never work in your favour.

My parents always said that once I grew up I'd be grateful for it and I'd always be able to tell the difference between people who were raised the same way and people who were not. I think I'm old enough to understand now and I totally agree with the decisions they made now but of course, I could never say that to them. My parents could say nasty things about me in front of me to people, but brag to their friends about my accomplishments behind my back. It's weird lol

Another thing about my parents is that they live to embarrass me! I'm curious about one thing though and I really hope I'm not the only one who's experienced this >.<
I don't know if it's all African families but a lot have plastic buckets in their bathrooms yeah? So like when I was a kid my mum would take ours out and give me a bath OUTSIDE .. while entertaining her friends! It happened a long time ago but I still can't get over how bizarre it is and if something similar has happened to you please tell me so that I won't feel like I had the weirdest childhood ever lmao!

My parents also like blowing things out of proportion yoh! My mum in particular. I remember this conversation I had with my mum once. It was on a Sunday before we left for church(religious attendance is not an option in an African home btw). I was having a hard time finding something to wear so I went to the kitchen to talk to my mum who was having breakfast at the time. I swear she gave me the death stare when she saw that I wasnt dressed! This is how the conversation went down lol word for word!

Mum: So why aren't you getting ready for church?
Me: I can't find anything to wear
Mum: And that pretty dress I got you?

Mind you the dress she was talking about looks like a granny dress with floral everything(not my style) and it went way past my knees. It was the kind of dress Mary from Little House on the Prairie would wear!

So I tried to be frank, told her I didnt like the dress hoping she would understand. I was wrong of course.

Mum:So you're saying I don't know how to pick nice things for you! *sucks teeth*

Did I even say that? Please take note: African parents love jumping to conclusions/putting words in your mouth. Just learn how to pick your words carefully aye.

Me: No mum I'm just saying it doesn't even fit me right.
Mum: No what you're saying is (see what I mean?) You want to follow these girls you see around wearing short-short dresses. Why can't you just be yourself eh? *mutters something in native language* so ungrateful *sucks teeth*

So from that conversation my mum walked away thinking I didn't appreciate her taste in fashion , I'm a follower, I'm trying to be something I'm not and I'm an ungrateful child. Of course I just had to wear the dress to church so that I wouldn't be the topic of discussion when she's with her friends lol

Another thing my parents love to do ( a lot!) is send me to do stuff! This may sound normal but my parents take this to a whole new level! The whole calling you from your room to pass the remote that's literally 10 centimeters away is:
1. Not a myth
2. Nothing compared to what my parents call me to do.
I can't list every bizarre thing they've asked me to do but the latest one is where they'd call me from my room to just press a button on their phones, that's it! Even when my siblings are in the room with them, they'd call me! Even if I'm in the shower, they'd wait for me to get out just to press a button >.< smh.
And when they call you you cannot answer them with "What?" Lmao not even in the most polite way ever like "What can I help you with" because saying what to an African elder is equivalent to cussing so may God help my you my dear friend if you ever let that slip.

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Hey guys lol don't take this the wrong way I love my parents to death! They are the best ever! Hehehe anyway though thanks for reading and voting !! Next chapter is entitled 'Friends' . Again if you can relate to anything I say feel free to leave a comment of message me !! \(^-^)/