Now I would be lying if I said I have never been keen on the notion of having a bestfriend.
In fact I'll even give you a vivid description of my pursuits. It goes a little like this:
I meet a boy/girl, we hit it off instantly. I mean the whole enchilada - we laugh till we both cry, we hate the same people (which is an essential quality), love the same TV shows and we're generally just vibing really well!
And then with a childlike smile and sparkle in my eye I begin to think, "Could this be it? Could this be my very own bestfriend?"
But then oh so nonchalantly he/she would drop a bomb on me like, "One time my best friend and I... (insert funny anecdote with bestfriend here) sending me off into a trance.
From then on all my hopes and dreams fall crashing to the ground. Like the suspended moment before a glass hits the floor, scenarios of the two of us singing at a karaoke bar, crying over a bucket of ice cream while watching The Fault in Our Stars, long-night hours-long chats over the phone and being drunk dialed in the middle of the night - memories orchestrated in my head flash between my eyes before the glass finally hits the floor. The song I will remember you by Sarah Mclachlan plays in the background to serenade the death of our would be bestfriendship.
To be clear, I do know that you don't have to be someone's bestfriend for them to be yours but it would be nice if the feeling was mutual. And I do understand that someone can have more than one bestfriend but I think that that defeats the whole purpose of being called somebody's best which to my understanding means that the most outstanding/excellent person; someone who tops all others. That's why I won't settle for second place.
But this wasn't always the situation though. I moved a lot when I was a kid and that effectively decapitated ties I'd made and put into place a precedent for all successive relationships. And then I just stopped bothering to find one because of the fear that as soon as the proximity and frequency of contact diminished I would be replaced with a newer and shinier model.
And once you get a little older and you still haven't got one you realize that it's okay.
People Change. Priorities Change. People Move. People form different relationships with other people that can affect your own.
But don't feel sorry for me. I have loads of close friends each of whom fill different roles in my life. The conundrum with having best friends is that it creates this hierarchy of people within your social circles and it's such an enigma to me how people can single out one person and put them at the top.
But don't get me wrong I think best friendships are really beautiful. I just see it as a really demanding responsibility to pile on one person in the context of friendship. I get that sometimes these relationships spring up from the very beginning while others take time to be created but for the best kind they really need to be cultivated and cared for. Even if you have an instant connection if you don't take care of the bond it'll eventually wither.
Excuse me for a moment while I drench myself in self flattery.
Not being exclusive to a single friend has helped me be socially adept. And with that I've been able to form amazing connections with a lot of amazing people. Without these connections I truly feel like I would be helplessly left to fend for myself.
A wonderful author once said that there is wisdom in a multitude of counsel and i wouldn't want to deprive myself of such wisdom by subjecting myself to a council of one.
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Diary of an African child in Africa!
HumorThe unleashed thoughts of my life as an African.
