A Killer In My house boyxboy

Different Approach

REALLY SORRY ABOUT SUCH A LATE LATE UPDATE STUFF HAPPENED AND LOST A PERSON IN MY LIFE TO CANCER. AND BECAUSE OF THAT I DIDN'T WANT WRITE FOR A LONG LONG TIME. BUT NOW I AM BACK AND NOW BACK TO WRITING!

I became quiet during our meal. Len looks over at me, having mash potatoes in his mouth. I kept my eyes on my plate. We were alone at the table.

"Well this is a interesting dinner," Len says.

I look up at him, forking my food. Was not really hungry. I was nervous. Nervous too the point where it was hard for me to eat. I have not seen her parents for 3 years. Now Len wants me to reunite with them after so long. I do not know if I can do it. I drop my fork on my plate.

"You hardly ate anything?" he says in a concerned voice. I did not say anything as I got up from the table. Having my hand over my face. I needed to throw up. I quickly went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Bending down to the bowl I started gagging. If I do meet up with them what am I suppose to do or say? How to act around them? They completely shunned me after what happened to their daughter and granddaughter. They took there anger out on me the day of their funeral. Being alone that day after them telling me how bad of a husband I was I went home, straight to my room, and buried my face into my pillow for the rest of the night. My mom was at work but I told her how they made me feel and she decided to call Hazel's folks and well she was pretty pissed at them.

I look down into the toilet. Knock, knock, "Shane you alright?" Len said through the closed door.

"I can not do it," I decided to say. I heard the door open. I guess I forgot to lock it.

Seeing me hunched over like that he quickly went over to my side, kneeling down to be face level with me. I kept my head bowed in the bowl, "What can you not do?" I felt his hand going over to my back, stroking gently.

"Her parents. I can not do it," I heard him sigh in relief. I look over at him, "What is with the sigh?"

Len looks down on the floor, "Thought you meant something else," he probably thought I was thinking about us. I nodded understanding, "will it be that terrible for you to see them again?" I nodded, sitting on the floor with my head in my arms. Len puts an arm around me, holding me close to his body, "listen I do not want to make you go see them. I just thought...that it would be a good idea."

"How would it be a good idea?" I said in my arms, "you have no idea how badly they treated me."

Len stayed quiet for bit, comforting me in his arms, "Shhh it is ok we don't have to go," he said softly in my ear. "But I know that it is a burden on you. I want you to be happy Shane," he breathes out in puffs. Not expecting that answer, I lifted my head up, looking over at him. "And I think you want to be happy too. I know that what happened in the past is hurting you each and every day," he puts a hand under my chin, lifting me to look into his eyes, "if you meet up with her parents no matter what they did to you I am sure it will lift this heavy burden on you. You think it is your fault for her death and your daughter's. But you know there are many things we do not understand. For example me." I raise an eyebrow at him, being confused on what he is trying to say to me, "I never understood why my mom married a man who made my life a living hell and for my sister. Or that I killed him and ended up in jail."

I took his hand off of my chin, putting my hand in his, "If I did not fight that day with her... I know she would of still been alive today."

"You can not possibly know that?" he says softly, "I mean she could of died a different way. I mean remember when I thought that your mother died of cancer?" I nodded, "but you told me that it was not her cancer it was a car crash instead. So you see there could of been other ways of her to die." he gets up and flushes the toilet for me which I blushed at. He takes my hand in his, helping me up from the cold hard floor. I look away from him, "Shane it will be alright," I look over at him not expecting to say that. 'How would he know that things will be alright?' I was a bit too nervous to stand. How pathetic of me a grown man. Len notices my legs shaking and without knowing what was coming next he put his arms around me. His hand cradling my head. I felt my face flushing red. My body becoming warm. My heart beating fast. "It is ok shh..." he says softly in my ear, "no one is making you go see them," he strokes my hair gently. "were you this nervous?" I nodded in his shoulder. "It is my fault you are feeling this way. I am sorry."

I look over at him with a surprised look upon my face, "What is your fault?"

"I was the one who got the idea to have you see her parents Shane. And because of that you were throwing up," Len looks down at the ground. I wanted to say that is was not his fault. I was the one that decided to agree on something that is impossible for me. Instead I stayed silent and let Len walk me back to our room. I look over at Len as I was sitting down on my bed. Why? Why me? Why does he care for me like this! I am a mess. A horrible mess. But yet again so is he. I look away from him. Thinking of what he said in the bathroom. I still blame myself for my wife's death even though parts of his words were sinking in that I should not blame myself. What I still can not help on wondering is what if?

If she was still alive would we still be married. Would I still be crazy with writing plays. If I was still with her would I have met Len? I wonder what would happen. I mean that house was where my wife and daughter lived. Len probably would of knocked on the door begging to be let in. My wife would of been totally against it though. And she would of looked at me like I had two heads that I disagreed with her and let Len in. I smile at that while looking at the sheets. Len was watching TV and me I was just thinking, thinking about my dead daughter and her mother. The baby she had in her belly. I felt something on my cheeks. I innerly gasped when I felt my cheeks wet. I did not mean to have tears come out and I quickly wipe them away. Len however noticed and I felt my bed become heavy. "Thinking about them?"

I did not look at him as I look at the sheets, nodding. Cursing at myself for showing emotions like this. He probably things I am pathetic. A grown man being cradled by another man. "It is ok Shane," he says softly, "you do not need to hide yourself from me," he tries to lift my chin, but disallowed it as he tried to force me to look at him, "Shane look at me?" I shook my head. Bowing my head down. I look pathetic. At times I wished I was like Len. He seems so strong after all that has happened to him. I only seen him cry ones. I on the other hand feel like crying at this very moment. Len sighs and took his hand off my chin. Without looking at him he decides to do a different approach. He lays his head down right on to my lap. Having a clear view of my eyes. He cups my face, "Shane it is ok to think about them. I mean they were apart of your life."

I clenched my fists, biting down on my lip, "enough I would like to go to bed."

Len didn't leave my side, "I am only trying to help you the best I can. It pains me seeing you like this. Like it is something to hide-"

I had enough and pushed his head off my lap. Scooting over to the other side of the bed. Len sighs, deciding to leave me be. What does he know anyway? He didn't lose anyone close to him. He has no right to tell me that. Enough was enough I quickly got ready for bed, shutting off my lamp.

Len shuts off his light and I felt him getting into bed with me to my surprise. To my surprise it made me slightly happy. Snaking his arms around me. Not saying anything. Just being there for me. I decided to put one of my hands over his hands, slowly shutting my eyes.