Anchored

Jade

Its a gloomy November day, the usual in Eugene, Oregon. Clouds are resting above the bright trees and fog slips through the branches. The 34 degree weather makes me shiver in my sweater. I make my way quickly down the bare hall, barely managing to slip by the popular girls in the thin walkway. I approach my rusted gray locker, number 629, and enter my code. It opens with a horrid squeaking and I catch people staring with annoyance echoed through their faces. I feel the blood rushing through rapidly to my cheeks as my breathing increases rapidly. I close my eyes and count, focusing on steadying my breathing. No anxiety attacks today.
I continue with my rusty locker. I place my navy blue anchor backpack into the compact space and smile slightly to myself, thinking about Danny. The boy at my school and on the Internet who keeps me alive, but he doesn't know that. I'm absolutely, undeniably in love with him. I shake the thoughts of his curly brown mop like hair and gorgeous ocean blue eyes out of my head and reach for my history book and black binder. I close the locker carefully and run my fingers gently over the rusted hinges. I give the dial a single twist before heading to my first class, History with Mr. Lewis. He goes on and on about the founding of America and all sorts of crap but my mind wanders and I can focus. I find myself thinking about Danny...I quickly snap myself out of it. I doodle lyrics to Guns For Hands by Twenty Øne Piløts onto my binder, awaiting release.
The Bell rings finally and a river of students flood the hallways, I stick to the back of the flow, then go back to my locker to drop off my things before P.E. It opens much quieter this time and I manage to move my English things to the front of my locker without any strange looks ot judgemental stares. After, I close the locker gently, run my hand over the hinges gently, and twist the dial once. I run to my number with 5 seconds to spare, I don't know how the time passed so quickly. I rub my completely black high-top converse gently along the faint white 15 on the ground. I examine the hem of my sweater and get lost in thought. Suddenly they are broken as I hear his voice. Danny. I look up to see confusion in his ocean eyes.
"I said, 'hey Jade.'"
"O-oh. U-uh hi...Danny...did you want something?"
I look into his eyes again and admire his perfectly placed features. His rounded cheeks, slightly thick lips, button-like nose, and dimples. His cheeks go from their usual pale white to a faint shade of pink and I catch him look down and smile. He bites his lip and turns away as Dr. G starts taking roll. As he walks away Grace Kelli, the Queen bitch of the school rushes up to Danny and shoving her tongue down his throat forcefully. I feel heat rush to my cheeks. Anger pulses through my system, preparing me to slap a bitch. Grace always ruins anything good for me. Just as I thought Danny was interested she comes in throwing herself at him. Her thin curved waist, tan skin, golden hair, long legs, blemish free skin and popularity is perfect for Danny, especially when compared to my light brown hair, acne prone skin, 5'3" height, and weight of 112 oz (I know 112 oz is nothing but in comparison to her weight of 84 oz...) . She's so perfect, no wonder Danny likes her. My thoughts are broken when Dr. G tells us to go dress out. I shove past Danny and Grace on my way to the locker rooms. I dress silently and quicky, rage still fueling my actions. I rush out of the locker rooms in my gray school shirt that extends just over the waist of my black Nike shorts that extend right to my tan line. (If you can even call it that). My black Nike's look odd with my thin legs but I wear them uncomfortably anyway. I throw my hair into a tight ponytail while standing on number 15 in the crisp autumn air. I really should have grabbed my sweats. Everyone joins me soon and we are instructed to run around the large field. I start off, as quickly as I can in an attempt to avoid seeing Danny or Grace. I hear heavy breathing beside me and when I look to my left I see and exhausted Danny running, or at least trying to.
"What's your problem, Jade?"
"W-what are you t-talking about?"
"You shoved passed grace and I..."
"Well, you were i-in my way but you m-must no-t have noticed since y-you were too busy shoving your t-tongue down her throat."
Dr. G blows the whistle and Danny is dragged by Paul, Danny's best friend who's almost as perfect as Danny himself, to huddle up. That leaves me all by myself since Sadie has apparently disappeared. He explains the rules of Frisbee then assigns us partners, by number. My stomach clenches. He goes through the list, until the dreaded words escape his mouth.
"Jade and Danny, partner up!"
My stomach is churning. It feels like somebody's grabbing my organs and twisting them trying to rip them out of my body.. I just want to die, please someone just shoot me! I can feel the heat of Grace's glare, she's giving me he dirtiest look. I take a deep breath and turn to look at Danny, his ocean eyes are filled with concern, then I realize I've been clutching my stomach this entire time.
"Um...J, are you okay?"
My stomach flutters when he uses my nickname.
"Yeah Danny, I'm fine...I'll be fine."
I know I won't but lying is easier than telling him the truth. That'll just lead to more questions, and that makes everything so much worse. We walk out to the field after Danny grabs a Frisbee. He's still giving me a weird look.
We through the Frisbee back and forth a little bit, but I'm still trying to find Sadie. I look around for a minute before looking back, Danny has already thrown the Frisbee and it hits the bridge of my nose and He bursts out laughing. Rage fuels my emotions. Tears well up in my eyes and I squat down, holding my nose. I see Danny rushing over to me out of the corner of my eye, his oversized green sweater flapping slightly with his movement. He leans down too and tries to talk to me but I just shake my head.
"C'mon J, let me at least help you up!"
He grabs my wrist and my sleeve slides down my arm, revealing the fresh marks that I had created last night. I quickly pull my arm from his grasp but he saw. He grabs my arm again and glares at my wrist.
"Jade, what the fuck is this?"
I yank my arm away from him and go over to Dr. G, Danny close behind.
"Dr. G, I got hit in the face, can I go to the office please?"
"Yes, of course Jade. Danny, she doesn't need help, go work with Grace."
I slip into the locker room and change really quickly then head to the office. After explaining what happened (stuttering the entire time) the nurse hands me and ice bag and allows me to stay in the office the rest of the period. The bell rings so I go down the nearly empty hall to my locker. It squeals less this time and I'm able to grab all of my things easily. I shut the locker, run my fingers along the hinges softly, then turn the dial once, just like I always do. My next class is Mrs. Johnson's advanced English. I enter the silent classroom. Apparently we get to read all period, how fun. The class is over in a flash, I finished 10 more pages of Anne Frank but I can't recall any of it. After putting my stuff away I head to lunch, alone. I walk slowly, watching the people. Some of them are walking with their best friends, homemade lunches made by their mothers in their hands. Groups of guys fooling around, doing parkour over the railings. I walk to the large courtyard in the middle of the campus and lie down in the grass. I stare up at the sky, the cluster of clouds is now in the middle of the sky and though there's a chilly breeze running through the air, the day feels quite nice. I close my eyes and enjoy the nice cold air.
Crunch, crunch, crunch. Danny's feet crush the frail leaves that had fallen from the trees nearby. I sit up suddenly and get ready to walk away.
"No, no, Jade. Please stay, I want to talk to you."
I roll my eyes slightly and scoot toward him.
"If it has anything to do with what you saw earlier don't even bother."
"No, I won't bring that up if you don't want me to."
He's just as kind in person as he seems in his videos. Ugh.
"Okay...What is it then?"
"Do you have friends?"
"No, not really...I kind of like to stay by myself..."
"Why?"
"It keeps me from getting hurt, I was left a lot when I was younger so I just try to protect myself."
I just realized something, I'm not stuttering, and, I'm telling him things I haven't told anyone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"Ah, I see..."
I can tell he's trying to think of something to say.
"You know, I'd never do anything to hurt you."
I roll my eyes. What do you think making out with Grace did to me you douche????
"Well, I mean...Not on purpose anyway..."
"What are you saying Danny?"
"I want to be friends. I want to get to know you."
"Doesn't Grace get jealous?"
"She breaks up with me so much then comes back to me, I don't even want to deal with her anymore."
A little voice whispers in my head Well now you have a chance! Don't be scared, take it. He said he wouldn't hurt you! Oh how badly I wanted to just listen but all these worries also filled my head.
What is he's lying?
What if Grace put him up to this?
What if he does hurt you?
What if he falls for you?
"I guess we could do that..."
"Yay. Okay, one more thing."
"Yes, Danny?"
"Actually two.."
"Just say it."
"Okay, one, why aren't you eating? Do you need money to buy something? Want some of mine?"
"Nah, I don't eat lunch."
"Why not?"
"That's not important. Second thing?"
"Oh, right. Paul wants to be friends with you too."
"Oh, um..Okay..Sure..."
"Come sit with Me and Paul!"
He grabs my hand and leads me into the cafeteria. The screaming voices echo through the large room, making it twice as loud as it actually was.
"C'mon, Paul's over here."
He leads me over to the second table in the row of nine. It feels like a million eyes are watching me. I breathe harder and start panicking. I can't relax. I can't think.
Breathe. Breathe Jade, breathe.
As he sits me down at the table Danny hears my heavy breathing.
"Jade are you okay???"
He wraps his arms around me and whispers gently in my ear.
"Its okay Jade, you're safe. Don't pay attention to anyone else, listen to me. breathe slowly. I'm here, I'm not gonna leave. Shhh."
He softly hums a tune that I can't pick up on but I can feel myself relaxing in his grasp. The attack ended.
"My younger sister used to have anxiety attacks all the time. I didn't realize you had anxiety."
"Yeah...I do. Thanks for helping. I really appreciate it."
"No Problem."
Paul looks at Danny, then me, then back again and Danny scoffs and rolls his eyes in response. The rest of lunch flies by as we talk about our favourite youtubers and bands, we all have a lot in common. Unfortunately lunch ends but Danny rushes to give me a hug before pushing and shoving with Paul to go to class. I head the opposite direction.
The rest of my classes are a blur, beside in science when I found a note Danny must have slipped into my pocket as he hugged me, it read:
Please excuse my terrible handwriting but I wanted to take you home if you need a ride? meet me by the bike racks. :-)
He also included his phone number, and Paul's.
As the final bell rings I head to the bike racks to wait for Danny. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.