bulletproof - calm ot4

18- i'll never make it out alive but i won't surrender

And every I step I take, got the devil to repay. I'll never make it out alive but I won't surrender. Had to take it day by day, had to feel the heartbreak. Like a phoenix I was born from ash and ember.

-

Michael and Calum grip each other's hands tightly. They're walking back into school for the first time since Aaron happened, and they both need the support that only the other can provide.

Calum knows that Michael wants to be the protector. He wants to keep his princess safe from all the monsters and everything awful in the world. Calum also knows that that just isn't how it is in this situation. Michael flinches simply at the sound of Aaron's name. The green-eyed boy is going to go through hell and back today, trying to avoid his rapis t.

"I wanna walk you to your first period," Calum says quietly. Usually Luke would be there to go with Michael, but Luke is staying home today. Michael quickly offered to stay home with the blonde, but Ashton refused to let Michael miss any more school. All three boys are concerned about leaving Luke alone, but they know that they have to trust him not to do anything destructive again.

"Why?" Michael asks, frowning innocently at Calum. The tan boy shrugs in response.

He wants to do it, partially because he doesn't want Michael to be alone for any longer than he has to be, but also because he himself doesn't want to be alone for any longer than he has to be.

"You know I usually don't even go to first period, right?" Michael asks, his voice carrying just a hint of amusement. It makes Calum smile, because it almost feels like the old Michael is breaking through.

"You don't want to repeat senior year, do you?" Calum teases, giving Michael's hand a loving squeeze.

"F uck no," Michael mumbles. "I'm getting out of this hell hole."

"Then you better go to first period," Calum insists, and then a crooked smile makes its way onto his face. "Oh, look. We're already here."

"You little shi t," Michael grins, affection lacing his words. The two stop in front of the doorway, and Michael takes Calum's dainty hands in his own. "We're gonna be okay today, right?"

"Of course," Calum promises, even though he isn't a hundred percent sure about either one of them--Michael especially.

"Call me if anything happens, you know I'll be there as soon as possible," Michael says, and Calum nods.

"You'll do the same?" he inquires.

Michael grimaces, but nods anyways. "Yeah, I will."

Calum takes a deep breath, pressing his chest flush against Michael's. The tips of Michael's fingertips brush the tops of Calum's thighs, not covered by his pale blue skirt. "I love you," Calum whispers against Michael's chest. Michael is quiet for a few moments, making Calum wonder whether or not the older boy heard him, but then he buries his face into Calum's hair and responds so quietly that Calum might have imagined it.

"I love you, too, princess."

-

Luke stands in front of the mirror in the bathroom of Michael's apartment, shirt and sweatpants discarded on the floor around him. He's dressed in nothing but his boxers, and tears fill his eyes. He can barely look at his knobby knees, his prominent ribs, his oddly-shaped scars and discolored skin. His stomach growls with hunger, and he struggles to remember when the last time he ate was.

He's trying to convince himself that he's beautiful. He wants to be able to see himself the way that his boyfriends do. He really wants to be able to see himself the way Michael did the other night, the first time that Luke ever voluntarily took his shirt off for anybody. He looked at Luke as if he was the most precious thing in the whole world, and made him feel like he really was. He wants to feel like that for his whole life.