Black Waters (Frank Ocean Love Story)

Chapter 三十二

Christopher’s View

My nerves were truly boiling, jumping, and the whole works. There were no more tears for me to shed—I had already cried all day after Darcelle told me. They were tears of joy, but tears of fear, too. I was severely afraid of meeting Forrest. The words ‘meeting’ and ‘Forrest’ in the same thought alone made my heart race like a horse. It was like a blind date, but much more important. This was the man that changed my entire life, literally. He was the reason I changed my sexuality, the sexuality that changed my whole career.

I reminisced on the night that it happened, the night that I unveiled my inner feelings to him. I remembered seeing the look on his face, that look that still puzzled me to this day. It was like he had a blank expression, but he was thoughtful at the same time. He had a knowing look in his eyes, as if he knew the way I felt about him. That look in his eyes was what gave me hope as I continued to explain to him; I got the impression that he felt the same way about me. But I interpreted wrong. He didn’t like me.

And evidently, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. If he still cared about me, still bothered to acknowledge our prior friendship, he would have tried to reach out to me as I reached out to him. I mean, there’s Facebook. Twitter. Tumblr. It was that easy for him to just meet up with me again. And on top of all that, I’m famous now. He could have come to a concert, a meet-and-greet, even the Odd Future store. But he chose not to. That was a deliberate choice.

Thinking about Forrest that way reminded me of the manner in which Tyler sees his father. Tyler’s famous now, making it simple for his father to call him after seeing his son on TV. But Tyler never got a call. That’s sad.

You know what also surprised me? Darcelle’s laid-back attitude. Well, I always knew she was a chill girl, but I would expect her to be upset after what happened between us. I was expecting a cursing match, or maybe a slap. But not a ‘thank you’. That was a shocker.

I was happy that I finally figured out my problem—I’m not ready for a relationship. Good thing Darcelle understood that.

I made sure to dress up; it took me four hours to figure out what I was going to where to my meeting with Forrest. I almost cried while picking out the final outfit, too. This was a seriously emotional situation for me. It wasn’t just going out for a bite with an old friend. This was major.

All I had on was a well-ironed white Polo shirt, new pants, and light cologne sprayed all over me. Looking in the mirror, I cared about the way I looked for once. I was content with it.

My mind travelled into deep thoughts, worries and concerns as I stared at myself. Then my phone loudly vibrated on the dresser and I picked it up, startled.

“Hi, Darcelle.” I asked. She’s the only one that could be calling me right now.

“Hey, there’s been a change of plans.” She said calmly. “No more Starbucks, okay? You guys are going to meet at inside of Crestwood Park, in that monumental hut-type thing. You know, the one with the chairs and tables inside so you can sit and watch the ducks?”

“Why there?”

“Because Starbucks is too loud, too public. Just cooperate and be there on time. Bye.”

Darcelle hung up without giving me a chance to reply. I had no problem with it, really. I was already feeling a bit nervous about meeting with Forrest with other people around. No one would be in that part of Crestwood Park by the time I got there, so that was perfect.

I sighed and looked out of the window; it was soon time for me to leave. That’s if I’m ready to change my whole life.

And hopefully, I am.